My husband left me for another woman, and when he was in a car crash my motherinlaw told me I had to take him back into the family.
John Harper walked out on our family a year ago. He simply said hed met someone else he loved, that he was fed up with me and probably never really loved me. Now, he claimed, he had genuine feelings and a proper family waiting for him.
He never considered that I couldnt go back to work because our youngest son, Sam, was only eighteen months old. Our older boy, Luke, attended nursery, and we were scraping by. My only close relative was my sister, who lives in London.
Dont worry, youll manage, my motherinlaw, Margaret, said. The flat is yours, so youll at least have a roof over your head. Be grateful that my son is still paying you maintenance.
He did pay exactly a quarter of his declared salary.
John never filed for divorce, and I had no time to sort it out. Two small children, a freelance job just to bring in a few pounds, and endless stress.
Margaret visited the grandchildren once a month, sometimes bringing a bag of fruit.
John took no part in raising the kids. He said he was going to have other children now.
So for a whole year I struggled to keep us alive.
At the end of that year a place opened up at Lukes nursery, Sam got a spot, and I could return to work. Things eased a little.
My John will be a father soon, Margaret announced happily over the phone one day. Get the divorce sorted quickly; I dont want my grandchild born out of wedlock.
I learned that Johns new partner was already eight weeks pregnant, so I filed the divorce papers.
A week later John was in a serious road accident. He loved speed and daring overtakes on the motorway, and this time his luck ran out.
The car we had bought together was a total loss, and John lay in the NHS hospital with multiple injuries. Doctors said there was little hope he would ever walk again.
Margaret wept on the phone. I felt sympathy for her after all, John was still my husband. Then she made a demand that shocked me:
You must get John out of the hospital and look after him, she said.
Me? Why me? I asked, stunned.
Youre his wife; you havent divorced yet, she replied. His girlfriend aborted the pregnancy yesterday. She doesnt want a child with a disabled father. As his wife youre responsible.
The divorce wasnt final, because the court hearing had been postponed due to his hospital stay.
I told Margaret that my duties as a wife ended the moment her son walked out without regard for me or the children. He had abandoned us for a year, giving us no support.
He left me, cheated on me and the kids, I said. That were not yet legally divorced is an unfortunate coincidence Ill soon resolve. John still has his mother who dotes on him.
You expect me to look after my son? Margaret snapped. I gave up on him when he was a child. Now its the wifes job. Youre heartless and ungrateful. Ill tell my grandchildren that their mother walked out on their father when he was disabled.
Now it looks as if Im the one who abandoned him not he who left us a year ago!
Eventually Margaret did bring John home from the hospital. He is recovering slowly, and the doctors are less pessimistic. Our divorce finally went through.
Meanwhile my former motherinlaw spreads the story around Bristol:
Now I have to care for my sick son in my old age! His wife left him, the children too! What kind of women are these nowadays? As long as a man is healthy and earns money hes welcome, but the moment hes disabled hes cast aside!
And many people nod in agreement, shaking their heads with feigned sympathy. Yet it was John who walked away from me and the children while he was still able.
A friend suggested I sell the flat and move far away. My sister in London has offered me a place to stay, and I think Ill accept.
What would you advise me to do?
In the end Ive learned that true strength comes from standing on your own feet, not from relying on those who abandon you when the tide turns.
