Yesterday I called on my neighbour, David, to borrow a drill. He answered the door casual joggers, t-shirt, the smell of roast chicken drifting out from his spotless kitchen. On the table were his laptop and a glass of red wine.
Davids fifty-one. Hes been divorced for twelve years, lives alone. Hes an engineer, salarys about £3,000 a month. Ive known him for five years, ever since I moved into this block not once have I seen a woman at his place. Not even as a guest.
He handed me the drill, poured us both a whisky. Sit down, its been a while, he said. So we settled round his kitchen table. We drank for a bit, and something prompted me to ask, David, why are you on your own? Dont you ever try to meet anyone?
He grinned. Not really. You know, Tom, Ive been on my own for twelve years now. And honestly, it suits me.
I was curious. How come?
He leaned back, topped up our drinks. I’ll tell you straight, there are six good reasons. I learned them the hard way.
First Reason Risk of Losing Everything in Divorce
David began: I got divorced twelve years ago. Was married to Fiona for eighteen years. Weve a daughter, shes twenty-eight now and out on her own.
We split up because she cheated I caught her with someone from work. Filed for divorce. Judge split the house evenly, despite the fact Id covered most of the mortgage. In the end, we sold up and divided the proceeds thats how I bought this one-bed flat.
Tom, I lost half my property because of her affair, all perfectly legal. I put in the hours, made the money, and she got half despite betraying me.
So tell me, why would I risk that again? Meet a woman, move in, get married we buy something together, say a car. Then she decides to leave. Why should I put myself on the line like that?
I was silent. He went on.
Second Reason Women Dont Support Mens Dreams
You know, Tom, Ive got a dream I want to buy an old Triumph motorbike, restore it, ride it out at weekends.
Ive been saving up for a year, give me another six months and Ill have enough for a classic from the seventies. Ill do all the work myself.
When I was married, I had dreams then too. Wanted to learn guitar bought one, signed up for lessons. Fiona just said, Whats the point? Youre forty, youre not Eric Clapton. So I gave up. Tried to book a canoeing trip up in Scotland. Youre mad weve got a mortgage! Youre regressing. So I didnt go.
Women dont get mens dreams, not really. They think its just childish nonsense. Living alone, I do whatever I want whos to tell me Im daft for buying a bike?
Third Reason Unrealistic Expectations
David continued: A few years back, I tried online dating. Filled in the profile truthfully age, job, interests, salary.
I chatted with a couple of women. One, Sarah, was forty-six, worked as a salon receptionist earning £1,100 a month. After a few messages, she says, You seem nice, but Im looking for someone earning at least £5,000 a month.
I replied, And how much do you earn yourself? She took offence and blocked me.
Seriously, Tom, most women nowadays see themselves as princesses. Theyre on modest wages, renting, have little savings yet demand a man with money, car, house. Thats all they look for, and offer little in return except feminine energy.
I make decent money, my own flat, a car. Still, to many women, Im a failure because Im not rolling in it. Why bother with people who dont value you?
Fourth Reason Running a Home Isnt a Problem
I asked, Dont you miss a bit of home life cooking together, that sort of thing?
David laughed. Just look around, mate is the place a tip? No. I clean once a week, takes an hour. Cooking? Tonight, chicken with veg, half an hour tops. Laundry? The washing machine does the work, I just chuck it in.
I dont need a woman to keep the place running. Even then, half the women today cant cook to save their lives its all ready meals or takeaways.
There are a few who can, but then they expect you to provide for them completely. Id rather do for myself.
Fifth Reason Fear of Lies and Manipulation
David poured another whisky. After my divorce, I briefly dated two women. Both lied.
The first, Emma, claimed to be separated, but turned out she was still married just looking for someone on the side as her husband didn’t earn enough.
The second, Julia, told me she had no kids. Two months in, I found out she had two, just didnt want to scare me off.
Its exhausting, Tom. Women think nothing of hiding the truth if it helps them land a man. Thats why so many of us dont trust anyone anymore.
Sixth Reason Men Get Punished for Making the First Move
When was the last time I tried? About a year ago in a Waterstones. Woman in her mid-forties, looked interesting, browsed the Classics section.
I said, Afternoon, need a tip? Ive read my way through half these shelves. She shot me a look like I was some sort of creep, coldly replied, No thanks, I can manage, and hurried off.
Any initiative by a bloke is now taken as harassment. Approach someone? Youre a creep. Message on social media? Youre a stalker. Ask for coffee? Youre after her money.
Not all women are like that, but most. Im done with awkward rejections and frosty stares. If someone cares, they can show it. Im done chasing and humiliating myself.
I Think About It And What I Realised
David finished his whisky. Looked at me, eyes steady. Tom, Im not saying all women are bad. There are good ones. But finding them’s like searching for a needle in a haystack. The price of a mistake? Your money, your peace of mind, years wasted.
Im fifty-one. Good job, own flat, car, hobbies, mates. Im happy this way. Why risk all that for a relationship likely to end in heartbreak and ruin?
I left for home, lay in bed, and mulled his words over.
Im forty-nine, married twenty-three years, things are fine with my wife. But if I were single would I make the same choices as David?
Honestly, yes.
Is he right for staying single all these years out of fear of loss, or is he just afraid of relationships?
Is it really true divorce ruins a man even if his wife cheats or is that an exaggeration?
Does it make sense to avoid relationships at fifty-plus because the risk is too high or is that just selfish and fearful living?
And do women really dismiss mens dreams? Or do we just pick the wrong ones?
