My son locked the door when I went to see him and pretended he wasnt at home.
I knew he was inside.
I saw the light through the window.
I could hear the television.
But after I rang the bell, there was that hush, the kind that only happens when someone is deliberately ignoring you.
I stood outside his door and waited.
I pressed the bell a second time.
Then a third.
Eventually, I just leaned against the wall in the hallway and whispered,
Daniel I know youre inside.
Nothing.
Only the television continued to chatter.
At that moment, I realised how one can feel lonelier in front of a closed door than when truly alone.
I am his mother.
I raised him on my own.
His father left us when Daniel was six.
I remember walking him to school every morning. Sitting up with him all night when he was feverish.
I remember how, when he was little, he would be scared of the dark and climb into my bed.
Mum, dont leave me alone.
And now, I stood alone in front of his door.
A few minutes later, the lift doors opened.
Mrs Green from the third floor stepped out.
She looked at me.
Are you waiting for someone?
I managed an awkward smile.
My son.
She glanced towards the door.
But he just came home.
My heart sank.
I know.
I walked down the stairs because I didnt want to wait for the lift and cry in front of anyone.
Just as I stepped outside, my phone vibrated.
A message.
From Daniel.
Mum, Im sorry. It just wasnt a good time.
A good time.
Those words felt so cold.
I didnt sleep at all that night.
The next day, I decided not to text him.
If someone wont open their door to you, you cant make them.
Three days passed.
Then my phone rang.
It was Daniel.
His voice sounded somehow different.
Mum can we meet?
Why?
There was a pause.
Because something happened yesterday.
What?
Our neighbours son asked me something.
He sighed.
He asked why his grandmother always comes to visit them, but my mum never comes to see me.
My heart ached.
And what did you tell him?
Nothing I couldnt think what to say.
Then he whispered,
I realised, if I keep going like this, one day my son might think its normal to keep the door shut to his mum.
There was silence.
Mum will you come round again?
I looked at my phone for a long time.
Then I replied quietly,
Will you open the door this time?
On the other end, I heard a simple reply.
Yes.
And sometimes, thats the hardest thing for someone to do.
To open the door.
How would you act in my place?
