My mother-in-law passed away a few years back, and after we laid her to rest, I promised myself I would always follow the rule: speak well of the departed, or not at all.
I also vowed to never become like herno matter what sort of daughter-in-law moved in, I would never play the part she did.
But wishes are one thing, and the reality of life, quite another.
My only son, William, turned twenty-five, and early this summer, he brought his girlfriend home.
Staying true to my resolve not to meddle, I welcomed her warmly, if somewhat cautiously, without getting too involved in their matters.
I told myself I wouldnt look down on her, wouldnt pick apart her flaws, nor give her unwarranted adviceall things my late mother-in-law was guilty of, to the point that we ended up despising each other.
I have no desire to drive William or his girlfriend away. In fact, I quite enjoy making them both a cuppa in the mornings, knowing which toast topping each prefers. On weekends, I spoil them with a cooked breakfast, but during the week, theres simply no time for such extras.
When theyre home together, I often slip out with my husband for a stroll around the lake, or pop over to a friends, or visit my own mother to make chutney and preservesgiving the young ones the house to themselves.
Not long ago, something rather amusingyet oddly affectingoccurred, and I felt compelled to share it. One evening, Williams girlfriend, Emily, showed off a new blouse shed picked up on her way back from work.
It wasnt expensive, and the price was even lower because it was missing a button.
She tried it on, twirling in front of the mirrorit truly suited her. The following day, Friday, we were to visit some friends, and I asked if shed like to wear her new blouse. She declinedbecause she couldnt sew on the button.
Oh, really? I blurted out before I could catch myself. But it genuinely surprised me. How could a young woman of twenty-two not have a needle, thread, or the know-how to sew on a button?
And tomorrow, love, what will things look like? How will she manage a household, or cope with bigger decisions in life?
Now, I find myself unsureshould I simply sew on the button without fuss, show her how its done, or just leave itif she wants to wear the blouse, shell work it out, if not, itll stay buttonless in her wardrobe.
One thing I know for certain: I absolutely do not want to become a difficult mother-in-law. Ive seen it firsthand, and its not who I wish to be.
Perhaps the real lesson is that every generation faces its own learning curve, and kindness and understanding go much further than criticism ever can.
