No One Sent Them Away—We Told Both Sides—They Simply Didn’t Want To Stay! Let Them Come! We’ll Be Glad – “Sit Down! We’re Not Home!” Peter Calmly Insisted “Yes, but someone’s ringing!” Val froze, rising from the sofa. “Let them,” Peter replied. “What if it’s someone important?” Val asked. “Or about something urgent?” “It’s Saturday, noon,” Peter answered. “You didn’t invite anyone, I’m not expecting anyone! So?” “I’ll just check the peephole!” Val whispered. “Sit down!” Peter’s tone hardened. “We’re not home! Whoever it is can just walk right back!” “You actually know who’s out there?” Val wondered. “I suspect. That’s why I said sit down and stop moving around near the windows!” Peter said. “If it’s who I think, they won’t leave so easily!” Val shrugged. “That depends how long we don’t answer the door,” Peter replied calmly. “Sooner or later, they’ll leave. Anyway, they won’t be sleeping in the hallway. And we’ve nowhere to rush. So grab your headphones, phone, and watch a film.” “Peter, my mum’s calling,” said Val, showing her mobile screen. “So your aunt and her hopeless son are at the door,” Peter summarized. “How do you know?” Val was surprised. “If it were my cousin”—Peter dragged out the word ‘cousin’ in a way that made it sound even more unpleasant—“my mum would be calling!” “You’re not considering any other options?” Val asked. “If it’s the neighbours, I have no desire to talk. If it’s our friends, after a couple of attempts at the door, they’d have left. More likely, being decent, they’d have called first to check it was OK to pop round, not just ring the bell for half an hour! Only our pushy relatives would dare harass us like this!” “Peter, it’s my Auntie,” Val said with weary resignation. “Mum’s sent a message—wants to know where we’re hiding. Auntie Natalie wants to stay for a few days—she’s got things to do in London!” “Tell her London’s got plenty of hotels,” Peter grinned. “Peter! I wouldn’t dare!” “I know,” Peter mused. “Say we aren’t home—we’re staying at a hotel because they’re fumigating for cockroaches!” “Perfect!” Val typed out the message and sent it. “Peter, she wants us to book two rooms for her and Kosti—” Val said in disbelief. “Reply that we have no money. Tell her we’ve got two hostel beds, sharing with fifteen strangers from overseas,” Peter smiled at his own inventiveness. “Mum wants to know when we’re returning,” said Val. “Say a week,” Peter waved her off. The doorbell ceased its desperate ringing. The couple heaved a sigh of relief. “Peter, Mum says Aunt is coming in a week!” Val said, exhausted. “We won’t be home then, either,” Peter replied. “Peter, you know this isn’t a solution? We can’t hide forever. What if they come midweek? After work? Both my aunt and your cousin are capable of about anything!” “Well, yeah,” Peter sighed. “Why did we ever buy a three-bedroom?” “It’s for our future family,” Val reminded him. “We need a child! Actually, two!” Peter said seriously. “Do you think I’m against it?” protested Val. “You know we’ve had tests! It’s not working!” “Less stress, and it’ll all work out—” Peter declared. “It’s the nerves—they wind us up, your relatives and mine, and everything falls apart!” Val didn’t argue. She knew Peter was right. Before their wedding, they’d paid for expensive compatibility and genetic screening. Fertility checked. Everything perfect. But after marrying, having children went on hold—they needed to save for a flat. No point hoping for inheritance. Before marriage, they’d both lived in boxy single rooms with their mums. They were on their own. Five years of hard graft, strict saving, and finally—a spacious flat. Secondhand market, not new. Renovated everything, furnished from scratch. They were over the moon. Barely had they celebrated moving in, when Val’s aunt showed up—trailing her son—and, to stop them protesting, Val’s mum came too. “Plenty of space—so much better than squeezing in with Val in one room!” Val’s aunt beamed. “Perfect—we can have separate rooms for me and Kosti!” “No one sleeps in the lounge,” Peter insisted. “That’s a room for relaxing!” “I’m not here to work!” Aunt Natalie laughed. “Val, explain to your husband that sleeping with my snoring son is impossible! And really—where’s the food? Guests deserve a spread!” “We weren’t expecting you,” Val faltered. “And the fridge’s empty,” chimed Peter. “Well, all right,” Aunt Natalie relented. “Peter—pop to the shop, Val—get cracking in the kitchen!” “What are you standing there for?” Val’s mum barked. “Is this how you treat guests?” “You’re a bit cheeky, aren’t you—” Peter started, but Val dragged him away. When Peter finally got his wife’s hand off his mouth, he spat, “Val, are we being taken for fools? I could chuck them out to your mother right now! If you come as a guest, act like one! This is outrageous!” “Peter, she’s a simple soul—from the village. That’s just how they are!” “I know country people—rudeness isn’t a tradition. This is straight-up cheek!” “Please, don’t fall out with mum and aunt,” Val pleaded. “It’s me who’ll end up paying for it—they’ll eat me alive! You’ll become public enemy number one! Is that what you want?” “I don’t care what they think—if they treat me like this, I’ll happily ignore them forever! I wouldn’t shed a tear if they vanished!” “Peter, love! Pity me—if we boot Aunt Natalie, Mum will never forgive me! She’s all I’ve got!” That did it. Peter clenched his jaw and went shopping. Aunt Natalie stayed not three days, as promised, but two weeks. By sundown, day two, Peter was hooked on valerian. The departure of Aunt Natalie and her son was celebrated by the young couple—broom, mop, the works. It took three days to scrub the flat. Then came the same drama, this time on Peter’s side. “Brother! I’m only here for a bit!” Dmitry nearly crushed Peter’s spine with his hug. “Got errands—once they’re sorted, we’re off!” “Can’t you do them on your own?” Peter asked. “Come on! I’ve got a family—can’t leave them in Surrey, can I? Use your head! What if I get up to mischief? My wife likes to supervise!” “So you’ve brought the kids too?” Peter asked. “Who else’d look after ‘em?” Dmitry laughed and slapped his back. “Let’s hit the town—like the old days!” “Dmitry!” shrieked Svetlana. “Try that and I’ll make sure there’s nothing left to shake!” Within ninety minutes of Dmitry’s clan arrival, Val was down with a headache. The kids thundered around the flat, shouting non-stop. Svetlana only had one volume: yelling. Dmitry kept trying to go and ‘paint the town’—provoking even louder shrieks. “Peter, I thought you were an only child?” Val groaned. “He’s a maternal cousin,” Peter replied grumpily. “I call him cousin, but it’s not affectionate.” “I don’t care what you call him—can’t you ask him to leave?” “I’d love to, hand on heart, but it’s the same as your aunt—my mum’d have my brains out with a tea spoon afterwards!” Hardly would one set of “guests” leave, than new arrivals showed up. Aunt Natalie and son kept “finding errands” in London. Dmitry’s family popped by to “sort out stuff.” And their mums never stopped checking on their precious children. Val’s mum nagged her son-in-law; Peter’s mum tormented her daughter-in-law. All the constant stress made everyone ill—even thinking about kids was impossible. Even if their health were better—how? “Should we swap the flat?” Val suggested. “For a padded cell?” Peter smirked. “The way things are going, we’ll earn one soon!” “No, really,” Val managed a smile. “Let’s trade our flat for one in a different part of town—plenty want to move districts. We move, disappear, don’t tell a soul where!” “It’ll only delay things,” Peter said sourly. “Sooner or later, your aunt and my cousin will track down the new tenants and find out. Then they’ll hunt us down and rip us apart for pulling a stunt!” “Maybe we’ll have enough time to make a baby?” Val suggested with hope. “More than that—we’ll need time to carry and deliver! At least it’d be an excuse,” Peter mused. “We could just move out entirely,” Val sighed. “Can we stay with friends—for a bit? Hide out?” “You mean Valerie and Kate?” Peter asked. “Yeah,” Val nodded. “They’ve got room.” “They’ve got Tera living there,” Peter reminded her. “Forgotten already?” “I’d rather flatshare with their German Shepherd than my relatives!” Val dropped her head. “Wait!” Peter grabbed the phone. “Valerie! Lend us your dog!” “Oh, mate! I owe you one! Me and Katy want to go on holiday, but no one can take our girl! She hates strangers—but loves you two! I’ll send food! Bedding, toys, bowls! I’ll even pay!” “Bring her round!” Peter grinned. Returning to Val, beaming as if the sun had come inside: “Call your mum—tell aunt she can come tomorrow! I’ll ring my brother and invite him next week!” “Are you sure?” Val asked. “We’ll be delighted to see them!” Peter declared amiably. “Not our fault if our new house-guest isn’t to their liking!” One bark from Tera convinced Dmitry and family a hotel was far more comfortable. Aunt Natalie tried to stand her ground— “Lock that beast up somewhere!” she cried, hiding behind Kosti. “Aunt Natalie, are you joking?” Peter smiled. “Forty-five kilograms of pure muscle—it’s a German Shepherd, not a lapdog! She could break through any door!” “But why does she snarl at me?” Aunt’s voice trembled. “She doesn’t like strangers,” Val shrugged. “Get rid of her! I can’t live here with that beast!” “Get rid of her?” Peter protested. “She’s our darling now! No kids yet—gotta love someone! And we love her to bits!” “And we won’t give her up ever!” Val chimed in. Both mothers rang, asking, Why did you turn away family? No one sent them away, we replied—they just chose not to stay! They’re always welcome! “What about the dog?” “Mum, we never refuse anyone!” But somehow, neither mum was so eager to visit again. A month later, Tera returned to her owners—but was ready to come back at a moment’s notice. She wasn’t needed. Val was expecting twins.