Her stepdad wasnt cruel. He never begrudged a slice of bread or scolded her over her studiesonly might shout if Emily came home late.
I promised your mum Id keep an eye on you! hed roar, whenever Emily pointed out she was actually an adult now. I know better than you whats good for you! Just because youve got your qualifications doesnt mean you can do as you please. Get yourself a decent job before you start acting grown up!
After cooling off, hed talk quieter.
Hell leave you, mark my wordshave you seen the lad that picks you up? Flash car, pretty face, why would someone like him bother with a plain Jane like you, Emily? One day youll be sobbing, just wait.
But Emily didnt buy it. Sure, Oliver was handsome and in his third year at university (he did pay tuition, but she wouldnt have minded paying herself if shed got in). She hadnt made the cut by grades, wasnt keen on college, so she worked handing out leaflets and delivering papers while cramming for exams next year. Thats how she met Olivershe handed him a leaflet, then he asked for another, and a third, before finally saying:
Why dont I take all your leaflets, and you come with us for a coffee?
She cant explain why, but she said yes. Emily was clever thoughshe didnt bin the leaflets nearby; she stuffed them in her backpack and later chucked them in the rubbish chute on her way home.
At the café Oliver introduced her to his mates, treated her to pizza and ice cream. She and her sister usually only tasted that on birthdaysmoney was always tight, and her stepdad forbade them using her mums old pension, insisting it stay aside just in case.
He had a decent job, truth be told, but spent half on his old car (always in the garage), and most of what was left on betting. Emily was grateful just not to be kicked outhe owned the flat; hers had to be sold when her mum fell ill. Of course she craved chocolates, pizza, fizzy drinksbut if she ever snagged any treats, shed always pass them to her little sister. She even asked Oliver in the café if she could take a pizza slice for her sibling. He looked at her, taken aback, but then bought her a whole pizza and a huge chocolate and nut bar to bring home.
Her stepdad was wrong about Oliver. He was kind. Emily just felt all the more that she wasnt enough, which pushed her to study harder and nab a proper jobshe found work as a cashier at the supermarket, getting paid well enough to buy herself decent jeans and get a haircut at a real salonhoping Oliver would be proud.
When Oliver invited her to his familys country house, Emily knew what he had in mind, but she wasnt afraidshe was grown up enough. Besides, they loved each other. She worried stepdad wouldnt let her go, but soon he started staying out late himself, sometimes not coming home at all. Emily knew where hed be: at Aunt Lindas, a nurse from round the way. Hed always fancied her, though with two daughters from his previous marriage Linda wasnt keenshed married and divorced once already, and this time round, she let herself be won over by his clumsy charm.
For Emily, it worked out well. Still, her sister Lucy cried the first night Emily stayed away. Emily soothed her with chocolate, crisps and lemonade, and Lucy got over it.
Emily realised she was pregnant late on. Her cycle was always wonky, and she never kept trackno one ever taught her how. It was the other cashier, Veronica Mayhew, who joked:
Youre glowing latelyare you sure youre not expecting?
They laughed it off, but Emily picked up a test later. Two lines. She couldnt believe it.
Oliver wasnt happy. Not a good time, he said, shoving money for the doctor. Emily sobbed all night, but she went. Turned out it was already too latesixteen weeks gone. Apparently, the country house was when it happenedand shed naively thought you couldnt get pregnant first time.
She kept the news from her stepdad as long as possiblebut her bump showed up quick. Eventually, she had to confess.
He went ballistic.
And wheres your lad now? Planning a wedding?
Emily looked down. She hadnt seen Oliver in a month. Hed vanished once he realised shed have to keep the baby.
Well… I warned you, Emily.
He didnt decide straight awayprobably talked it over with Aunt Linda.
Well, if its come to this, youll have to leave the baby at the hospital. One more mouth, cant afford it. See, Im getting married. Lindas expecting tootwins. You understand: three infants in one flats too much.
Shes moving in here? Emily asked.
Well, yeah. Shes my wife now. Where else would she live?
It sounded like a joke, but stepdad wasnt joking. He said it every day, threatening to throw Emily and Lucy out if Emily kept the baby home. Emily knew he was parroting whatever Linda had told him. But it didnt matterEmily could never leave her child behind.
Dont worry, Aunt Linda said. Babies like that are snapped up quicklytheyll find her a family wholl love her as their own.
Emily cried and called Oliver, desperate to find some place for her, her sister and the babybut couldnt think of anything. Then, one day, Veronica Mayhew pointed out a couple at the shop:
See them? Still in mourning after all these years. I just dont get it. Why wouldnt they adopt?
Emily saw that couple oftensometimes together, sometimes alone. They were polite, with gentle facesalways a bit sad. She had no idea about their story.
Their daughter died, remember that accident? Kids on a coach trip to another citydriver nodded off, crash. He died and so did their girlso tragic. Lovely peoplehes a GP, she teaches English. Used to be my neighbours, before my divorce. After the accident, we all visited, bringing little angel figurines. Their daughter had bought one at the trip, clutched it in her hand they barely managed to get it back. Bringing more angel statues just caught on. I worried itd make things worse, but it seemed to help.
Emily remembered a film, where a girl gave up her baby to a couple who couldnt have children. These two could, and probably didnt want another, but she couldnt get them off her mind. By month eight, Emily was still workingdidnt want her job to slip awaywhen the couple came to her till, and the man asked:
Shouldnt you be on maternity leave, miss? Youll end up having the baby in the shop!
Emily smiled, but honestly, she struggledher back was agony, heartburn constant, feet all puffed up by end of the day. Only her GP asked how she was, and that didnt count. So his concern touched her deeplytears pricked her eyes, as they often did these days.
Two days later, as Emily carried groceries home, the man overtook her and offered to carry her bags. She felt a bit awkward, but grateful. She thought, hes a genuinely kind soul.
She spotted an angel figurine in a shop windowsummer sale, clearly not trendy. On impulse, Emily bought one, got their address from Veronica, and went round.
She pressed the bell, suddenly terrifiedmaybe she was out of line; itd been so many years. Did people still bring angels?
The woman opened the door. She seemed to recognise Emily at once, eyebrows raised. Emily nervously handed her the figurine, bracing herself for the door to slam or for her to be shouted at.
But neither happened. The woman smiled and invited her in.
Fancy a cuppa?
Over tea, the woman shared their storyone that Emily had heard from Veronica, but straight from her lips, it sounded raw and real.
Why didnt you have another? Emily whispered.
I had a difficult birth. They had to take my womb. I couldnt have any more children.
Emily felt awfulwho was she to pry? She wanted to ask about adoption but couldnt get the words out.
We thought about adoption, the woman said, as if reading her mind. Went through the whole process. But at the last minute, I backed out. I asked my daughter for a sign, but I got nothing.
At that instant, a crashing sound came from the next roomlike a glass fallen and smashed. The woman flinched; Emily looked around, sure the flat was empty.
They both went into the lounge. Emily braced for a shrinemaybe candles, photos. But no, there was only one photo, plenty of light, no candlesjust shelves full of angel figurines. One lay on the floor, shattered. The woman gathered up the pieces and gazed at them, then quietly said:
Thats the original. Hers.
Emilys cheeks burned. Was this the sign?
Emily gave birth on time. Aunt Linda had moved in and had her twins early. The babies were still in hospital but would be home soontheir cribs were ready, white wood and coconut mattresses. Emilys baby wasnt getting a cotthe plan was to leave her at the hospital. Only Lucy, sometimes at night, would whisper:
Cant you hide her somewhere? So they wont know shes yours. Ill help you.
Those words broke Emilys heart, though she held back tears in front of her sister.
Emily had planned the note in advanceexplaining she couldnt keep the baby but that she was healthy and they neednt worry; she also mentioned the sign with the broken figurine. She slipped her entire savingsher mums pensioninto the envelope. It should be enoughthey were good people.
She was meant to be discharged in the morning, but leaving the baby in broad daylight was too scary. Emily spent hours sitting in the shopping centre, though it hurt and made her dizzy. What mattered most was finding loving parents for her daughter.
When the centre closed, Emily sat on a bench for another hourlucky it was warm. Only when twilight settled did she finally slip indoors, sneaking in the entrance when someone went out with their dog.
She carried her daughter in a baby carrierbought with her own wages, and Veronica had brought it to the hospital. Veronica hadnt asked questions. Emily positioned the carrier by the door, tucked the envelope under the blanket, and was just about to knock and leg itwhen the door swung open. The man stood there, the girls father.
What are you doing out here?
Emily jumped in fright.
He spotted the carrier.
Whats this?
She broke down, sobbing, and spilled everythingOliver dumping her, stepdad supporting her and Lucy for seven years but now marrying and having twins, Linda pushing her to give the baby up.
He listened. Then said,
Gails asleep; I wont wake her. Well talk in the morning. Come on, Ill set you up in the lounge.
Sleeping in a room full of angel figurines was odd, but Emily dozed off quickly, clutching her daughter tight.
She woke to emptinessthe baby was gone. And in that instant, she knew she couldnt leave her daughter; not ever. She wanted to run, find her, snatch her back…
She shot up, but before she could move, Gail walked in, holding the baby.
Here you go, she smiled. Time for a feedI just rocked her so you could rest, but shell soon want you.
While Emily fed her girl, she couldnt meet Gails eyes. Had Gails husband already told her? What if theyd decided to adopt the baby? How could she say shed changed her mind?
How olds your sister? Gail asked suddenly.
Twelve, Emily replied, confused.
Do you think shed be happy to live with us?
Emily stared, not believing her ears.
What? she gasped.
Well, Sasha explained everything. Youve nowhere to stay, your stepdads kicking you out. I thought, if Lucy stays there, shell just end up a housemaid. She should move in too.
What do you mean, too? Emily stuttered.
Gail nodded toward the glued-together figurine beside the photoit looked a bit rough, but unmistakable.
I think it was a sign. That its meant for us to help you, she said simply. Weve plenty of spacemove in here, all three of you. Ill help with your daughter. And dont get silly ideasyou cant split a mum from her child.
Emily felt so happyand so embarrassed, cheeks blazing again.
So, are you in?
Emily nodded, face buried in her daughters blanket, hoping Gail wouldnt see her tears.
