Not Quite My Own
Well, dont leave it hanging, spit it out! I raised my voice at Natalie. If you dont really know, then dont go running your mouth for no reason
Oh, I do know, Natalie grinned at me, holding my gaze. She and I never kept secrets from each other
The way I met Emma was utterly ordinary. It was winter, icy as anything. Emma slipped on a frosty pavement on her way to work and fell hard, bashing her knee. I couldnt just leave her there; not in my nature. I helped her up, got her to the minor injuries unit.
The x-ray was cleanno break. Emma was sent home with the usual advice: rest and a compression bandage. Through all this, I stayed by her side. Id even rung into work for the morning, saying Id be late. Only when she was safely in a cab home, after shed promised to call and say shed arrived alright, did I get on with my day.
Ill admit, Emma was easily charmed by my concern. She told me later shed never met anyone like me. That was the start of the most romantic months of my life. We were on the phone constantly, messaging about everything and nothing. I worried about her: had she eaten, slept, was she warm enough? Id tell her good morning and wish her a peaceful night every day.
For me, this was just how families worked. I grew up with thateveryone looking out for each other. I had my own flat, a little place in Reading that I got from my Nan, while my parents lived nearby in Oxford. Wed all lived together at one point and got on famously. After Nan passed, and I was old enough, I moved into her old flat.
I hadnt had much luck with women before. I was shy, quiet, not one for nights out, didnt have many mates to go to the pub with. Meeting Emma was pure chance. She needed help; I couldnt walk past. After that, I began to think it was fate that brought us together.
Within two months, we got married. It just happened. Id jokingly suggested we get married, and Emma said, Lets! Why not go down and register right now?
We dashed to the registry office, minutes before closing, and booked the soonest possible wedding. My parents were a bit surprised at the speed, but they liked Emma a lot and gave their blessing.
Emmas mum lived in Cambridge. She couldnt come to the wedding as Emmas gran was very ill and needed looking after.
It was a happy little family. My love for Emma didnt fade after marriage, it just grew stronger. Our son, Jamie, arrived, adding even more joy (and chaos) to our lives. And then, at one family doa wedding anniversary dinner at a local pubEmmas old mate Natalie had a bit too much to drink, and we called her a cab to get her home.
The whole family was there: my parents, Olivia and George, Jamiefive years old and trying to look grown up whilst toasting with his orange juice. Emmas best friend Natalie was there too; theyd been like sisters since school. Natalies life hadnt been plain-sailing like Emmas. She was thirty, same as Emma, but still single, not much to look at if Im honest, always one to blend in with the wallpaper. Next to pretty, confident Emma, shed always played second fiddle. Even back in school, the fellas attention would go Emmas way. Still, Emmas friendship was a blessing for NatalieEmmas mum let her out with Natalie, though never aloneso she didnt miss all the fun entirely.
Yet men werent exactly lining up for Natalie. Emma, on the other hand, had proposals coming out her ears from her last year at school. She wasnt in a rush, though. She turned them down until she met me, and then it all happened fast.
That evening, Natalie could barely manage the stairs down from the pub. I had to help her, almost carrying her the last few steps. Her cab was waiting, and I didnt want her to make a scene.
Heres to the happy couple! Ha! Some get lucky, some not so. Emmas always had it her way. Since the day we met! Things roll off her backshe always had the boys, could twist them round her little finger while you lots just stood there like fools! Use your head for thinking, not well, not just ogling pretty faces.
We were nearly at the cab, when, out of nowhere, Natalie shoved me away and, standing suddenly steady on her own two feet, shouted:
Dyou even know whose son youre raising? Hes not your own!
What utter rubbish! I just about stopped myself from slapping her. The world spun. Her words hammered inside my skull. I wanted to shake her quiet, but she pressed on, relentless:
Gone all pale, havent you? Didnt you ever wonder? Jamie arrived too soon! You rushed into marriagedo you really believe Emma was desperate to marry you for loves sake? Ha! And your boy doesnt even look like you! Go on, open your eyes! She had a bloke before you, wanted to marry him, but he cheated on her and left. Serves her right!
I bundled her into the cab and slammed the door, not wanting to hear another word, but later Natalie rang me. Without thinking, I picked up.
Go on, ask the wife! Ha! Why should it only be me miserable at your happy occasion? Let Emma squirm for a bit! she cackled, and the line went dead.
Her laugh haunted me that whole evening. The things shed saidwell, truths sometimes stick where doubts never did. Jamie had been early, I knew that, but babies came early all the time, didnt they? Id never paused to add it all up; I was just so swept up in happiness. Id loved Jamie from the very first momentnever crossed my mind he might not be mine.
My parents adored Jamie too, would whisk him away for weekends in London to the Natural History Museum or the zoo. But Natalies poison seeped in, soured everything. Doubts kept whirring round my head. Jamie was tiny, fair-haired, where I was dark. Mum used to say kids hair changed a dozen times. But build, eyes Im broad, Emmas tallwhere did Jamie get his delicate looks? The questions wouldnt let me rest.
I held out a week before I finally asked Emma.
She looked at me strangely, then said, wryly,
I knew this day would come. Why wait five years to ask? You couldve just saidthen wed have divorced, is that what you want? I tricked you! Lied! Oh, what a villain I am! Well, go on then, why arent you yelling at me?
I flinched backward. Why was she saying that? She was the love of my life; even if she had told me then, I probably would have forgiven everything. Right now It broke me, the way she almost seemed to want me to leave. Did she really think I would?
Jamie my beloved son. I loved him so muchlet people say what they like, Id never turn my back on him. But what about my parents? Should I tell them, or just let things be? Would they still feel the same?
Emma and I had a terrible row. I packed a bag and went to Nans old flat, which happened to be empty at the time. I stayed two weeks, missing Jamie and Emma dreadfully. In the end, I realised Id let Natalie win if I gave this up. She would not take my happiness. I wasnt leaving my family.
I went home.
Im sorry, Emma sobbed when I walked in. I said terrible things, you didnt deserve that. I just thought when you found out, youd stop loving me and I kept waiting for it to happen, always dreading it.
Oh, Emma, I told her, wrapping her up in my arms, You lived five years with me and still didnt know me. Do you really think Id ever walk away from you two? Our love is real and nothing Natalie does can take that away.
Just as well, she sniffled, dabbing her eyes, I never want to see her again.
How do we tell my parents? I asked the hardest question on my mind. They cherish Jamie what are we supposed to say?
We did tell them, about a month and a half later. But not that bit. No, we told them Emma was expecting again, and soon theyd be spoiling a second grandchild.
Today, looking back, I realise happiness isnt about blood or secrets kept or accidents of fate. Its about the people you choose, and the love you hold ontono matter what rotten words others might try to plant in your head. The lesson Ive learned is simple: dont let anyone else define your family or steal your joy. Family is what you make it, and love is what keeps it whole.
