Lily is one of millions of children in foster care, and we are about to become her foster family. So why not look for other parents?
Because were us, Andrew says, his voice rising. Here nobody will hurt him, but elsewhere they might, and wed never even know! He adds, Where theres one, theres another.
Margaret never expected her husband to be so sensitive. The loss of his friends touches him more than anything else. No one wants to take the child, and Andrew is practically begging her
***
Lily arrives a little later than most. Her parents are already in their midthirties, her grandparents well past their sixties. Shes late, but longawaited, beloved, and, lets be honest, a bit spoiled. Anything she wants, she gets.
Her mornings always start the same wayher mum wakes her, calls her to breakfast, lays out her clothes. Today is no different.
Morning, sleepyhead! Margaret chirps. How did you sleep? Anything funny in your dreams?
Even at seven a.m. Margaret is brighteyed.
Morning, Mum! I had a dream I cant remember what, Lily mumbles.
Dont worry, youll recall it later and tell us. Now lets eat; weve got a lot to do today!
On the table sit fluffy pancakesgrandma Joan baked them before heading to the clinicand a bowl of freshly cut fruit, neatly sliced by Andrew before work. Lily, perched on her little high chair, piles the pancakes onto her plate while sharing her morning discoveries.
Mum, what should I wear to the school concert? she asks, dunking a pancake in jam.
In a yellow dress.
Again, yellow?
Do you want to try red? Margaret suggests.
Yes, I want red!
Theres still a month until the concert, but Lily cant wait.
After breakfast they head out for a walk.
Lily springs up easily because today is specialthe day she finally rides the scooter Grandpa Ernest gave her for his birthday. The snow has finally melted and the weather is tolerably warm. Thats a relief; Lily couldnt have endured another week of cold.
She slips on her trainers and dashes into the back garden, with Margaret hurrying behind her.
All the neighbourhood kids swarm around her new scooter, eager to see, admire, and try it. Lily grins and shows off what it can do.
Watch this! she exclaims, pushing off with a wobble. Want to have a go?
She loses balance and tumbles. Its only her fifth ride; her experience consists of a few short trips with a friends scooter at playgroup.
No one laughs.
Want to try? Lily shakes herself off and, as if nothing happened, offers the others a turn.
One by one the kids clutch the scooter and attempt the tricks they just saw. Lily becomes their hero for the whole afternoon. Almost every child begs their parents to buy a similar one.
In the evening, when Andrew returns from work, Lily rushes to meet himher usual routineand he holds out a small box.
Surprise! he announces.
The box smells sweet.
Whats inside? Whats inside? Lily squeals.
Andrew hands it over. Inside are the most delicious chocolate eclairs with creamy filling.
Dad, youre the best! Lily shrieks.
After the sweets, its time for her favourite activitybuilding with her construction set. She spreads the colourful pieces on the floor of her bedroom and, engrossed, assembles a princesss house, glancing occasionally at a picture of the model she saw in a catalogue.
Until shes seven, Lily knows no worries. Everyone dotes on her, showers her with gifts, takes her wherever she wishes, and lavishes her with attention.
One day, as usual, Lily waits at six oclock for Margaret to pick her up from the nursery, when something happens that signals a big change. Margaret arrives half an hour early, and Lily notices. The nursery worker, a friend of Margarets, tries to start a chat:
Ive just watched that film you mentioned last week. Its not really my genre, but theres something about it and the lead actor
Margaret cuts her short: Sorry, were in a rush. Well talk about the film later.
In her haste Lily forgets her doll at the nursery, still staring at her mother and blinking rapidly. Margaret has never behaved like this before; Lily never imagined a mother could be nervous, angry or upset. Her childhood has always been bright.
Back home Margaret, her hair pulled into a ponytail, seats Lily for dinner not in the kitchen but in the sittingroom, and serves her cottage cheese with fruit.
Sit here, eat, and turn on the TV, she says.
Lily nodsshes already thinking about cartoons and isnt too bothered by whatever Margaret might be discussing. Margaret, trying to be more patient, heads to the kitchen where Andrew is already waiting.
She picks up the conversation where it left off before she went to the nursery:
Andrew, we just cant adopt a child, she says, her tone firm. Its impossible. It happened so suddenly If we had more time, Id think it through, weigh the pros and cons
Andrew, however, is confident.
What cons? Whats there to discuss? The child is the son of our best friends. He has no living relatives. No grandparents like Lilys. Theres a distant uncle who certainly wont want a stranger. If we dont take him, hell end up in a care home. What if it were Lily?
Margaret shudders at the thought of her daughter being displaced, but replies, Theyll find him a good foster family
How do you know itll be good? Andrew asks.
Millions of children are in foster families already, and well be his. Why look for another family?
Because were us. Here hes safe; elsewhere he could be hurt, and we wouldnt even know! Andrew says heatedly. Where theres one, theres another
Margaret had never imagined her husband so touchy. The death of his friends moves him more than anything else. No one wants to take the child, and Andrew keeps pleading.
Im not ready for this. I love Lily, but I dont know how well manage another child. Hell need more attention, hes a toddler, and that would mean another maternity leave for me
Isnt it worth it for Lily and the other child? Well manage, Margaret. Lilys getting older; shell help. We have the money. We already know how to deal with kids. Well think about a second child eventually
When? At fortyfive? Margaret jokes, certain theyll only have one.
Even at fifty!
After a long hesitation Margaret finally yields to Andrews urging.
Six months later, after a mountain of paperwork, they return home not alone. In the back seat they bring a boy named Charlie.
Lily, now in primary school, is ready for a little brother. Her parents try to reassure her that theyll still love her just as much.
But when Lily sees her dad cooing over the newborn, an unfamiliar feeling washes over hershe realizes her dad is now also a dad to someone else.
That evening Lily refuses to join the celebration.
Margaret, bring more sliced fruit! Andrew shouts from the living room where relatives are bustling about the table.
Im on it!
Margaret, grab another spoon! calls her motherinlaw, Agatha.
Lily stays in her room, bouncing at each shout as if they were calling her name.
Eventually someone notices.
Wheres the queen of the feast? asks her grandfather. Wheres Lily?
Lily? Margaret looks around. Probably in her room with her tablet. Once shes got it, you cant drag her out.
But Lily has already declared a boycott.
Grandparents try to coax her out, but she stays put. Her parents seem to have forgotten her entirely, their attention glued to the baby.
It feels as if the chapter where Lily was the centre of the house has ended.
Now everything is shared: attention, games, gifts.
Andrew, who once always found time for Lily, now spends most of his day with Charlieputting him to bed, playing, showing him pictures, teaching words. Margaret, who used to be Lilys best friend, is now occupied with Charlie.
One day Andrew comes home with a new toy for Charliea bright plastic tractor. Lily rushes over and cries, What about me? What did you get for me?
Andrew, caught off guard, forces a smile. Oh, Lily, sorry, I forgot. Well get you something tomorrow, I promise.
From then on Lily never meets her dad at the door after work. He seems to have forgotten her.
Margaret, once always there for Lily, now spends whole days looking after Charlie.
Mum, can you help me with maths? I dont get it
Soon, soon, she says, trying to coax Charlie to brush his teeth. Just a minute, then Im all yours.
Lily falls asleep before Margaret finally settles Charlie, starts the washing machine and prepares the next days meals.
When Lily tries to tell Margaret about school, her mother apologises and asks her to wait a moment because she needs to soothe a feverish Charlie, whos been crying all morning.
Its a temperature, Margaret says, the red ones all over, we might need a doctor. She shifts focus to the immediate crisis, forgetting Lily.
Over time Lilys resentment toward Charlie peaks. The boy who was supposed to be a little brother becomes, in her eyes, a rival for her parents love.
Its a relief we dont have to share a room, Lily tells a friend.
Yeah, lucky you, replies Anna.
Whats good about it? Lily asks.
Not sharing a room! Youve got the top bunk. Im stuck with two younger sisters in one room! Whos worse off?
They keep debating who has it harder.
Charlie turns seven. Lily is on the brink of thirteen, and her hatred keeps growing. Before, Charlie stole some attention, but the parents still cared for Lily. Now hes in Year1, and they cant just turn away from him.
Lily, what are you doing? Charlie asks, peeking into her room.
Sleeping!
Want to go out?
No.
One afternoon Charlie bursts in with a watergun, intent on a playful splash. He aims for the curtain just above Lilys head, misses, and drenches Lilys notebook.
Dont come into my room! Lily snaps.
It was an accident!
Its your fault! she yells.
Ill tell Mum, Charlie threatens.
Tell her, tell her, Lily smirks, lets see what happens. You should stay as quiet as a mouse. You were adopted out of pity! she shouts, slamming the door.
Thats how Charlie learns hes adopted. Hell hear the truth later when hes ready, but for now he doesnt know.
That evening the parents return home and punish Lily.
No phones or tablets, Andrew declares. For a month. No, six months! And youll never see gifts from us again! How could you say something like that?
Charlie bursts into tears in the living room with Margaret.
What? The truth? You brought a baby in, and youve forgotten your own daughter!
For the first time Andrew raises his hand at Lily.
The next morning he tries to apologise, but Lily, ignoring him, grabs her boots and jacket and runs to school.
Margaret clatters a fork on the table.
Well done, she says to Andrew, topflight performance. Now, as far as Lilys concerned, shes gone.
Dont talk nonsense. Well discuss this tonightshell forgive, Andrew mutters.
She wont, Margaret replies, wrapping her arms around herself. Its not just that you hit her; its how weve treated her. I try to talk to her, but its not enough. And you never loved Charlie. By saving him, we lost Lily.
Do you want to change your mind?
I dont know! Margaret shouts. Ive grown attached to Charlie; hes a wonderful boy, but it still feels like he isnt my child.
Good mother! Andrew scoffs. Five years raising a son and you still cant love him?
I warned you this was too much for me, but I twisted myself upside down trying to keep Charlie in a normal family, and it never worked! Bon appétit.
Their marriage is now strained, not just now but for years.
Margaret senses something off. Charlie, increasingly like Andrew in appearance and manner, raises more questions. How could this happen? He is, after all, an adopted son.
Margarets mother, whom she often consults, smiles reassuringly.
Sweetheart, it happens, she says. Adopted children often end up looking a lot like their adoptive parents. Its common, nothing to marvel at.
I know, but Margaret replies, Charlie looks exactly like himhair, eyes, gait, even the little quirks!
Its just copying, nothing extraordinary.
Margaret cant shake the suspicion that Andrew had a past relationship with Charlies mother, the friend who died years ago. Andrew grieved deeply then. Friends are friends, but theres something else she didnt want to notice.
One day Margaret gathers her courage and has a DNA test done.
The result arrives quickly and confirms her worst fear: Charlie is Andrews biological son.
She picks Lily up from school and drives to her own mothers house. She has no desire to see Andrew now. It turns out Andrew and his former partner, Vera, had an affair behind Margarets back. First Andrew raised someone elses child, now Margaret does the same.
Margarets elderly mother struggles with the news.
Margaret, dont rush to tear things apart. Think of the family, the children. You have two. Charlie is now yours. Youre his mother now. What will you say to him? Im sorry, I dont want to be your mum any more?
Ill still see Charlie, Margaret replies.
And Lily?
Lily, overhearing, isnt upset about the split with her dad and brother.
Forgive Andrew, when did this happen? Lily asks.
He gave me a child, Margaret says.
Who knows, maybe hell have told us earlier and Id have forgiven him, Lily mutters.
Margarets mother sighs, If he had told you, perhaps you would have forgiven, but now its too late.
Lily has been listening all along. Nobody knows what the future holds, but everyones childhood is over.
