Many young daughters-in-law in England struggle with their mothers-in-law and find themselves with no one to confide in.
Our first wedding anniversary is fast approaching. My relationship with my mother-in-law still hasnt settled. We barely understand each other, and a peaceful coexistence seems like a distant hope.
Before the wedding, I begged my husband, Thomas, to introduce me to his mother, since hed already met mine. He kept putting it off, coming up with excuses: there wasnt enough time, or my mum was busy, or some other reason. You’ll have all the time in the world to get to know each other, hed say, smiling. We finally met on the morning of the wedding. It was all terribly awkward. I offered a genuine smile and a bright, Good morning! She just muttered a stiff Morning, almost through gritted teeth.
Thomas always insisted his mother was understanding, lovely even. Before the wedding, I confided in him that I was worried she might meddle in our lives. Id seen it happen to my friends too many times. He reassured me she wasnt that type at all. Hed always told her he would choose his own wife and start a family with her; shed never criticise his choice or interfere. That was his promise.
Yet, just a few days after our wedding, Thomas came home from work and sat quietly at the kitchen table, staring into his cup of tea with an unreadable expression. I asked what was wrong. What he said caught me completely off guard:
I think my mum might not like you.
Apparently, my mother-in-law wasnt keen on the fact I didnt scrub eggs with baking soda before cooking them. Or that I left the dishes in the sink until there were enough to make washing up worthwhile. Or that I placed the washing-up sponge straight on the worktop instead of a separate dish. I made stock in one go, not in two stages. And there were so many more fussy little things. I was in total shock.
I asked Thomas, Why wouldnt she like me? This is our own family now, and she doesnt even live with us.
He sighed. But Im her son. Im used to the way she does things. So you have to do them like that too.
I protested my kitchen, my rules. I should be able to live how I want in my own home.
But Thomas insisted that from now on, wed be living by a different order, and I had to get used to it.
After that, things calmed down for four months. Whenever we saw my mother-in-law, she smiled politely, asked after my work, our home life, and whether Thomas was helping around the house. But then, the gossip started. We got a dog. Within a week and a half, word had spread all over town: I didnt cook the dog bones and meat, I was a fool for feeding him raw food, and my poor mother-in-law couldnt believe how thoughtless her daughter-in-law was. I felt useless.
I hadnt even realised I was such a letdown. I told Thomas that Id heard the news from a neighbour while walking the dog that morning. It was humiliating to hear such things from a stranger. I told him he had to talk to his mum he just laughed and told me to forget it.
Now my mother-in-law barely even pretends to be friendly. I always greet her warmly, but all she can muster is a cold, clipped hello.
Thomas says I dont show enough respect to his mother. According to him, I refuse to accept his family’s ways and dont even try to get on with her. And it seems what she really resents is… our dog. His parents have also started dropping by for tea without so much as a text beforehand.
The real worry is yet to come: well have to move in with them for a while. I cant begin to picture how Ill survive there. It terrifies me to think what it will be like if we ever have a babyno doubt, every neighbour will hear exactly how I wash and feed the child. I feel like running back to my parents. Im not sure my mother-in-law will ever let me live peacefully under her roof.
