The Choice
So, turns out James is seriously married I sighed, sitting on a bench in the park, clutching the referral for the clinic deep in my coat pocket.
My dorm-mates used to envy me, seeing me with that striking, clean-shaven, blue-eyed man, thinking how lucky I was to be courted by such a charming gent. In the end, there was nothing to envy.
I shivered, recalling my first and only run-in with Jamess wife, who stopped me right by the factory entrance to make things perfectly clear.
Well, hello there, isnt it Emily? she began.
And you are? I uttered, tensing beneath her piercing stare. She was tall, slim, with frosty blonde hair.
Im HelenJames Harringtons wife.
What?
You heard me.
Just another plain Jane, she continued calmly, How many of you are there in this world? Never-ending supply of women chasing other peoples happiness.
How dare you?
Listen, she took me gently but firmly by the arm, its you whos overstepping. I am his wife. Ive seen you with my husband, and instead of apologising or being mortified, you act brazen. Thats something only decent people would feel, apparently not your lot.
She gave me a long, evaluating look, Youre not the first, and likely wont be the last. If I counted them all, Id need every finger and toe.
Tangled up with a married manhow shameless! Hes a hunter, you see? Youre just a fleeting adventure to him. Hell have his fun and then youll be forgotten. Best steer clear.
By the way, we have two daughters. Would you like to see a family photo? Helen pulled a picture from her bag and held it in front of my startled face. Here. Proof of whats real and good. That was us in Brighton just a couple of months ago
Well? Cat got your tongue?
What is it you want from me? Sort things out with your husband.
I will, dont you fret! Hes only just started at this factorygood wages, and then you come along. Leave us alone, alright? Dont believe his promises. James has no plan to divorce. Dont waste your time. What are you now, thirty?
Twenty-five! I snapped, feeling deeply stung.
All the more reason. Youll marry, have children, youve got time. But please, leave James alone.
I left before I could hear any more, my legs like lead, slowly moving away from the woman whod crashed into my day and wiped away every hopeful dream in a single conversation.
Traitor I muttered, feeling a lump rise in my throat, but refusing to let tears spill on the street. I couldnt bear the office gossip.
That evening, as though nothing had happened, James turned up at my place with flowers. My eyes were swollen but I sent him away, despite his pleas, his vows of love and promises that he and his wife were strangers to one another. I had to listen to what my gut told me.
For two weeks I recovered. James never bothered me again, acting as if he didnt know me, turning his face away when we crossed paths.
Trouble never comes alone. The morning sickness and dizziness, I first chalked it all up to the stress, but soon realised my brief, naïve affair had its consequences.
Six weeks along, the nurse told me, as if handing down a sentence.
I didnt want to be a single mum. I was frightened out of my skin. It felt like everyone must know and was judging me, knowing I’d trusted someone I barely knew.
James hid his marriage from me. What could I have done, asked for his passport when we met? He didnt wear a ringthey dont all wear rings.
Why didnt I worry when he suggested we keep our relationship secret at work? Hed lied to me, and ignorance wasnt much comfort. By then, gossip had already begun swirling among my colleagues. Everyone knew about Helens visit.
Im pregnant, I confessed to James during lunch, desperation pushing me to face him.
Ill give you moneyjust sort it out, he mumbled back.
The very next day, James quit. Disappeared from my life for good.
I knew I couldn’t delay. Despite the doctor’s warnings, I took my referral for the procedure.
And so I sat, gripping that slip of paper on the park bench, too afraid to let it go.
In a hurry? came a cheerful voice. A young man in a suit, clutching an enormous bouquet of deep red chrysanthemums, suddenly plopped down next to me.
What? I looked up at him, my eyes hollow.
Your watch, he nodded at my gold wristwatch. Its running ahead.
It always does, by ten minutes, I murmured, weary. No matter how often I wind it, it never keeps proper time.
The weathers glorious today, isnt it? True Indian summer. My mum adores this season. Says she made her best choices on days like thisnever once regretted it.
He smiled, the way only sunny people smile. You know, my mums incredible, he said, flashing a thumbs-up. I owe everything to her.
What about your father? The question simply slipped out of me.
Mum never speaks of him. I dont askits clearly not pleasant for her to remember….
Anyway, Im coming back from an interviewcan you believe they picked me out of ten candidates for a big London firm? I hardly have any experience! Feels unreal, honestly. Mum gave me the courage…”
I know what Ill do with my first paychequeIll buy my mum tickets to the seaside. Shes never even seen the sea. Have you ever been?
“No.” I met his gaze, noting his crimson tie.
He lit up anew. Mums gift. He smoothed it proudly, catching where my eyes had lingered.
Sorry to babble on, he continued, I must sound a right nuisance. But I just wanted to share my good news. You look awfully lowsometimes you just need a stranger to talk to. Am I bothering you?
I shook my head. He didnt irritate me at all. In fact, hed managed to break the cycle of dark thoughts in my mind. His simple adoration of his mum was disarming and admirable.
What a loyal love, I thought, already watching and listening to him with interest. His mums lucky. If only I could have a son like that…
Well, Id best be off, he said, rising. Mumll be waiting for me, probably worrying. Dont look at your watchyou dont need to rush!
What? I asked, not following.
I meant your watch,” he grinned.
Oh, I smiled softly.
He disappeared from sight a minute later. I took out the referral Id been clinging to only moments ago and tore it slowly into tiny shreds.
Then I sat a long while, almost entranced, breathing in the golden afternoon air.
After meeting that stranger, I felt warm and light, not so alone anymore. That woman had raised her son on her ownand he became a wonderful man. Pity I didnt ask his name, but perhaps that was never the point.
The choice was made.
***
Twenty-three years later…
Mum, Im going to be late, called Stan, standing by the mirror as I fussed with his new crimson tie, bought especially for todays big job interview.
Not now, darling.
Its for confidence, trust meitll go brilliantly. Theyll hire you, no question, I said, stepping back to take in my boy.
Im nervousthey might not
Its your spot. Just answer clearly. Smile. You look dashing, honestly.
Alright, Mum. He pecked my cheek, hurrying out the door.
Watching Stan stride off towards the bus stop, the dearest soul in my world, I felt something jolt deep inside
It was all so familiarlike Id seen this before.
That young man in the London park, decades ago…
Now, Stan in his suithe looked just like him.
For years Id forgotten that moment. But now it came alive again.
Could it really be that fate allowed me a glimpse, all those years ago, of the very life I nearly tried to endthe choice Id been offered, and then led gently to?
Why didnt we talk more back then? We must have been nearly the same age, he and I. Why didnt I ask his mothers name?
But it doesnt matter now…
Everything turned out wonderfully.
Stan came home after lunch with a huge bouquet of deep red chrysanthemums, matching his tie, and told me hed got the job.
And he promised me wed finally go to the sea togetherhe never forgot Id never been.
Now its his turn to look after me. For my sake, hed move mountains.
Whatever life threw at us, there were times Id lean my head on his fragrant hair and suddenly things felt bearable again.
We persevered through it all, got through every hardship, and kept our spirits.
Ive never regretted having my son. It was the right choice for me.
And thats how it was meant to be.
