Paper House
Hurry up, Becky, or well be late!
Just a sec, Dad! Becky hopped on one foot, cramming her foot into a sock.
They were a ridiculous pair of socksone pink, one green. Her aunt, Claire, gave them to her, along with trainers that didnt match either. Claire had firmly assured her it was all the rage right now.
Becky held Claires advice in high regard. Her aunt was something of a style icon, always insisting that if nature gave you a difficult hand in the looks department, you had to make up for it in other charming ways.
About Claires looks, Becky respectfully disagreed. So she didnt fit the current definition of beauty? In her grans words, Claire was as skinny as a weasel, with dark hair and quick silver eyes, but she was so striking that Becky couldnt help but giggle when they walked down the High Street together.
No one notices you, do they, Aunt Claire? Look, theyre all craning their necks!
Who? Claire would stop, peering around theatrically.
Becky would collapse in fits of laughter. How, she thought, could Aunt Claire be so old and yet such a child? Despite being older than her niece, next to her aunt, Becky always felt almost like the grown-up.
Claires innocence amazed her.
He told me he likes me! Becky, I dont know what to do!
Do you like him?
Loads! But Im terrified!
Why?
Hes far too handsome. All the girls in our office follow him around like lost puppies. But for some bizarre reason, hes interested in me! Its absurd!
Claire, youre not absurd! Youre beautiful and clever! Why shouldnt anyone fancy you?
It was a rhetorical question, and no matter how much Becky tried to poke holes in her aunts brittle confidence, she never quite succeeded. It drove Becky up the wall, sometimes right to tears, but what could she do?
Love, its hard to break free from something people have spent years building, Beckys dad, Graham, would tell her, shaking his head.
Who built it, Dad? And why? Why take a gorgeous girl and convince her shes second-rate? Thats not how you raised me!
I know, love. But her teacherswell, they were old-school.
And Claire? I know youre talking about Gran. Why never just say it?
What do you want me to say? That my mum made mistakes? Even if she did, its not for me to judge. Youre old enough to know what respecting your parents means. My mum raised me single-handed, no father in the picture. Then Peter came alongmy stepdad. You know how I always liked and respected him. He became my dad, really. He put up with me till I warmed to him, taught me so muchmore than I can ever quite explain. But most importantly, he didnt let my mum meddle too much in raising me. He said, Men raise men.
Fine, but then why didnt he step in more with Claire?
He tried. But his own rule backfired: she was a girl. My mum raised her her way. Dont judge her too harshly. There was a reason.
What reason, Dad? I look at Claire and I want to cry! Shes amazinghonestly, shes too good. But shes so I cant even explain unsure of herself. Shes scared of everything! People included. Why?
You know, love, mum was always terrified for Claire. Maybe thats where it started. Shed practically hold her hand all the way to sixth form. I dont know why, but she convinced herself something dreadful might happen. Claire was difficult from the startMum was on bed rest nearly the whole pregnancy. Thats when Peter and I finally bondedtwo blokes at home worrying about the woman we both loved. I saw him get up at the crack of dawn to fetch liver and pomegranate juice. It was then I realised how much he loved her. And what being a real man was. Peter wasnt much for wordsyou wouldnt remember him, Becky, but its a pity.
I dont really remember, Dad Oh, I remember the rocking horse he made me.
Yes! He made it while we waited for you. He always had clever hands. He wasnt well back then, but he still worked at it, in case he didnt finish in time.
Where is it?
Up in the attic. Ill bring it down when I get grandchildren.
Dad!
What? Youll make me a granddad some day, right?
Not anytime soon!
Ah, relief!
Dad!
What did I say now?
Graham laughed away his daughters mock outrage, but it was all a bit of a relief. The questions would never end, but he wasnt sure he wanted to answer them all.
Things were never simple in their family. As a child, Claire used to call their house the Paper House.
Why paper, Claire? Graham, a gawky, spotty sixth-former always busy with something, would still find time to talk to his little sister. Claire amused him.
Because its like your origami tulip! Claired answer, twirling a paper flower hed folded.
Look how pretty it is! But watch this!
She smacked the paper flower with her hand.
Whyd you do that? Graham gasped, startled.
Its empty inside. See? Make another!
Youll just squash it again?
No. Ill show you something.
She stuffed modelling clay into the bottom of another tulip Graham madestuffing it until it was full and wouldnt crumple.
See? I cant squash it now. Its paper, but strong. Our house isntit needs some clay inside.
Graham, amazed by how deeply his sister understood things, fiddled with the clay-filled flowera childs wisdom, right there in construction paper.
Hed learned to make those flowers from his classmate Aliceserious on the outside, but fidgety as a squirrel.
Cant help it, shed say, always folding, My fingers itch if Im just thinking.
By the end of class, their desks would be decorated with cranes, frogs, and bouquets of paper tulips. The teachers didnt mindAlice was top of the class. Why worry?
Graham would sneak her creations home for his sister, whod gaze at them in delight.
How did she do this?
Shall I ask her to show you herself?
Yes, please!
Graham would beg their mum for permission to take Claire to the park with Alice, but never dared invite Alice home. Mum would disapprove.
His mum, Linda, was strictoccasionally to the point of absurdity. Graham made excuses for her, thinking she just worried about him and Claire.
Graham! You need to look after yourself! Nobody owes you anything! Ive done my bitbirthed and raised you as best I could. Now stand on your own two feet. Ive got Claire to think of still. And dont count on Peter. Hes your stepdad, not your real father. Im sure you understand.
Graham never argued. But deep down, he knew if the chips were down, Peter would be there for him. Hed always called him Dad, back when Peter was still alive.
He was sure some of Lindas lectures would have been stopped cold if Peter was home. Peter saw family as his one proud success and built it so everyone could find happinessthough Graham learnt early that happiness looked different to each of them. Where his dad believed in affection and treats, Linda believed in disciplineand, above all, fear.
Linda worried about her kids twenty-five hours a day, just in case the usual twenty-four wasnt enough.
Who knows, someone might hurt Claire!
It applied to everyonefriends never made the cut as good enough for Claire. Teachers and coaches? Strictly professional. No hugging your teacherwho does that?
Other people? Why bother? Theres familyMum, Dad, brotherthats enough. Everyone else was other. Potential for harm.
Why Linda was obsessed with the idea her kids would be wronged, Graham didnt know, at least not back then. He only saw her running around like a caged lioness, determined to do everything herself. She changed jobs to pick up Claire after school, learned to drive, and got a license to ferry Claire to clubs, never letting her go alone. Graham helped, but by then, he had his own life.
And in his new life was Alice. Then their child, whom Linda found a complete shock. A granddaughter before Graham even turned twenty-five!
Graham! Why? So young, so reckless Youve barely finished your degree! shed exclaim, arms folded, shivering from anxiety as she stood in her kitchen.
Mum, Im not a baby. I take responsibility. Alice is having my childour child. You understand?
You couldve you know been careful! And even now, theres still a way
Mum, stop. Dont say another wordI cant take it. Youve said enough. Ill assume its just shock. Please, think about what I said.
Graham left the kitchen, popped by Claires room to say goodbye, and visited Peter before goingPeter, whod been desperately ill for months.
Peter gave his stepson a strong handshake, then pressed his flat keys firmly into Grahams hand.
Well sort the papers next week. Dont worry about your mum and ClaireIll leave them the cottage in the village. Its going to be a posh estate soon, the plots are going up in value. They wont be left wanting. But yougo live your life. Youre doing the right thing, son. Your child should have a good, solid home. Do you understand me?
I do, Dad. Thank you
Peter never saw little Becky. She was born a week after Grahams father passed awayquietly, not even a sigh to mark his leaving.
Graham, without needing prodding from his mum, took charge, and Claire found she could breathe a little. Shed always known Graham kept a little paper tulip on the shelf above his desk.
Why? shed ask, feeling the stiff, clay-filled petals.
So I dont become hollow, Claire. It reminds me what Ive got to do.
And whats that?
To fill your lives with more than emptinessnot just Alices and Beckys, but yours and Mums too.
Its not easy, Graham. She never listens.
I can at least try.
Yes You can try Claire sighed, changing the subject. She never wanted Graham to argue with mum.
Things with Linda were complicated. After Peter died, she seemed to close off a chamber of her heart. Claire couldnt quite understand her; Graham didnt need to guesshe remembered how it was when his dad left them. He was only four then, but his mums tears and furious smashing of her favourite crystal vase stayed in his mind like yesterday, as did her mood swingsscolding then sobbing apologies. But hed always been a bit armoured. Thick-skinned, you are! Nothing gets through to you! Linda would wail. Only when she caught him close to tears would she soften. Come here! Mum loves you too!
Graham remembered this only too well and did his best to shield Claire from the same treatmentbut to do that, hed have to live at home, and that simply wouldnt do. Alice was fragile herselfa bit like those paper origami toys shed once made.
Son, I warned you! If nothing else, at least Becky was born healthy. Poor Alice, bless her, with a weak heart at her age! Its just not right for someone so young! And you, running between work and home! So much depends on making the right choices
Graham would grit his teeth.
Mum, stop it right now or well fall out!
Now, Graham! I didnt mean anything! You know Im blunt.
Far too blunt And hed collect Becky from her grans and head home, so flustered hed sometimes forget to check on Claire.
But Claire never complained. She took after her fatherquiet, serious, open only to the closest family.
With Linda, their relationship was like skating on thin iceone misstep and everything would crash, leading to icy, lonely depths.
Alice died five years after Becky was bornone crisp morning, she just didnt wake up. Graham, who was tiptoeing about so as not to disturb her, spilled boiling water when the kettle slipped, startling the cat and nearly falling himself. Then, as he looked into their bedroom, he knew, instantly. The world stopped. All that rang in his mind was
Becky!
He stepped slowly, closed the bedroom door quietly, then headed to his daughters room. Becky was staying with grandma, her cuddly toy cat left behind on the pillow. He sat on the bed clutching the plush animal, howling into it as though it could dull the pain cutting into his soul.
He lost track of time. Eventually, he managed to get up and called his mum.
Mum, Becky needs to stay with you a bit longer. Yes, I know youve got work. Please Ill call soon.
He barely remembered anything from the next two months. He did what he had to, cooked something for his daughter, went places. Becky clung to him at all timesshe rarely asked about her mum. At first, Graham didnt notice. Then one afternoon, he saw Becky sneak into the quiet bedroom, sit by the bed with the toy cat, and start whispering to the framed photo on the bedside table. He realised then that Becky understood everything.
He didnt go in. Later, as Becky emerged, he swept her into a hug, buried his face in her tangled pigtails, and asked, Who told you?
Grandma. She said I should be gentle with you and not talk about mum, or youd get hurt.
He hugged her so tight she squeaked, but quickly let go.
Sorry, darling! Im sorry for everything! You can talk to me about mum anytime you like. Dont listen to anyone else, alright? Just me, promise?
Beckys deep sigh and sudden tears told Graham how hard it had been for her. He silently fumed at himself for leaving her to handle such painand at his mother, who never quite grasped the simplest things.
But his frustration boiled over after something happened, late one night, when Claire turned up on his doorstep.
That night, hed tucked Becky in and sat in the kitchen in the dark, absent-mindedly stroking the cat, wriggling with indecision. He slept on an air mattress in Beckys room these days, but he knew it couldnt go on. Something had to changenew flat, maybe, or some other plan.
He barely heard the faint knock at the door, only noticing it because the house was deathly silent.
Afterwards, recalling that evening, he shuddered to think what would have happened if Claire had simply walked away had he taken sleeping tablets as his GP suggested.
Soaked through from the ceaseless London rain, Claire stepped over the threshold, hugged Graham tight, and all but collapsed.
Ow she muttered, wobbling as Graham caught her.
The ambulance came half an hour later; an hour after that, Claire was fast asleep on the air mattress in the childs room, never getting to explain.
The next morning, Graham didnt have to ask. He saw the bruises on her arms.
Whats this?
His oversized t-shirt barely hid the dark marks.
Claire?
I dont want to talk about it.
I get it. But youll have to, Claire. Otherwise I cant help. I need to know.
Tears welled in her blue-grey eyes. She shook her head.
Mum? The word caught in his throathe was terrified of her answer even as he already knew.
Claire nodded, grabbed his hands, and clung on.
Dont send me back. Not now! Please, Graham
As he calmed her, Grahams mind raced. If he made a scene now, thered be no hope for peace. Obviously, something had crossed the linehis mother pushed past the boundary, staking her claim over the daughter she saw as entirely and exclusively hers.
Talk to me, please. We can work it out. I promise, I wont let you cry anymore. Okay?
If Claire had hesitated, Graham would have lost all sense of himself as a man. But she nodded, pulled herself together, and for a moment sat so like her late father that Graham shivered. He couldnt let Peter down. If his sister needed help, it would come from him.
Mum found out I was seeing Maxdo you remember him?
The scruffy one? Graham pushed a mug of tea toward Claire.
Eat something!
I cant. Later. Me, scruffy? Thats him! And its not serious, I swear, just cinema and a walk in the park, in broad daylight! Graham, he didnt even try to kiss me!
Alright, alright. I believe you. So what actually happened with Mum?
She yelled at me! Shook me, yelling all sorts I cant repeat it! Why does she treat me like that? I never break the rules, you know I dont! She said Id end up with a child and ruin my life like you did Sorry! I shouldnt have repeated that, but Graham, am I really as hopeless as she said? I cant keep my mouth shut
Claire burst into such helpless sobs that Graham was momentarily at a loss.
Then, he simply gathered her onto his lap and hugged her tight, just as he would Becky, muttering lovingly,
Well need sandbags! Dont cry. No one will bother you now, I promise. Not even Mum. I gave Dad my word. Do you think Id break it?
Claire shook her head.
Good. He taught me to be a man of my word. Will you watch Becky? Shell wake up soon. Feed her something, and Ill go see Mum.
No! Claire shot across the kitchen in distress.
I must. He sat her down with half a sandwich. Eat it. Wash your face. Dont go scaring the child.
His conversation with his mother was nothing short of catastrophic. Linda raged, demanding Claire be sent home, then wept about losing her life. Graham waited, silent, until she calmed.
Mum, Claires staying here.
He raised a hand to halt her retort.
For now. She needs to settle. And, frankly, so do you.
But Graham! Shes got her studies! Competitions! School tests! Its the end of term!
Mum, listen to yourself. Tests? You didnt even check if she was home last night. What if she hadnt come to me?
I thought she was in!
You lose sight of us as people, Mum! Maybe you never saw us that way. Did it never occur that were human, not dolls?
What nonsense is this, Graham?!
When did you last talk to me as a mother, not a manager? When did you ask how I felt? After Alice died? Did you ever ask? Yes, you help with Becky, and Im grateful, but you address me like Im your employee. Same with Claire. Mum, were your children, not staff! Youre a brilliant boss, Im sure, but as a mother well, only I get to judge, and honestly? Not great! Even now, when your daughter is sobbing her heart out on the other side of London, you only care about her next test and dusting another trophy! It has to stop. And lets be clearif Claire gets nothing but Es in her GCSEs, fine! Ill pay for her training, shell get her qualification. Did you have any idea she wants to be a vet? Not a doctor, like you always wanted. She wants it! And she will beand Ill see that she gets there.
You cant decide for her! Im her mother!
So that gives you the right to break her? No, Mum. Graham was suddenly calm. He saw not a lioness but a disheveled, lost woman.
He took his mother by the shoulders, met her eyes, and said,
Mum, do you want to end up alone? Im not threatening you. Just warning. If you carry on, youll lose us. Claire will always have me. And what about you? Think on.
He kissed her on the forehead and left.
How many times had he trotted up and down those stairs? Too many to countsometimes bounding, sometimes dragging. But now, he simply sat, frozen between flights, and pondered how many steps there were per landing.
So many years, up and down, never countingdont you think thats odd?
His phone, shrilling in his pocket, roused him. He climbed to the top, counted every step, nodded at some private thought, and set off home. Now he knew what to do.
His plan worked. Linda didnt last two days before she came round trying to make up with Claire. Not that reconciliation was smooth.
Forgiveness was slow. For years, their relationship wobbled like a wonky seesawuncertain ups and downs with no clear direction.
Linda tried harder now, having realised her children were no longer waiting in the wings for her approval. They wouldnt wait for her to recover enough to notice what shed done. A new refrain sounded in her heart: There are two of themtheyre a team. And me?
Claire qualified as a vet and landed a job at a good practice. Becky giggled hysterically whenever her dad groaned as Aunt Claire turned up with a new patient.
Claire, thats a python!
So? Graham, look how cute he is! And lovely and warm, too. Have a stroke! Go on! There, see? Nothing to be afraid of. Hes only here until his owner gets back from business. Poor George was pining on his own.
George? Of course, the snake has a name.
Obviously!
Becky would threaten to follow in Aunt Claires footsteps.
Oh no, you dont! Graham would groan in horror.
Work, home, the occasional tense meet-up with LindaClaire seemed to drift along. Becky would urge her dad to set Aunt Claire up with one of his mates, but nothing ever came of it.
Thena shocking announcement!
Id like you to meet my boyfriend, Claire said, avoiding everyones gaze. And no giggling, please!
Claire, Im on the verge of tears here! Becky said, hugging her.
That right trainer, chewed by Claires latest patient the day before, turned up under the bed in Dads room, and Becky, with the slightly battered shoe on, dashed out.
Im ready!
Are you though? Graham eyed her skeptically. We could always take longerClairell never forgive us anyway.
Oh, dont be so dramatic! Weve got thirty minutes!
They spotted Claire and Max approaching through the park.
Dad, Dad, is that him? The scruffy one?
Beckys stage-whisper was so loud even Claire overheard and shot her a look.
Max.
Graham.
A handshake. A smile. A nod.
Becky.
The scruffy one! Max grinned at his fiancée. Dont scowl, Claire! Smile for mejust like that! I wish youd always look that happy. Blimey, those trainers are fantastic! I want a pair!
Becky caught her dads eye and burst out laughing, finally realising what was different about her auntthere was silver, not steel, in her gaze now. It was so beautiful that Beckys jaw dropped and she clapped involuntarily, much to Maxs confusion.
Were all a bit bonkers in this family. Youll get used to it.
Thats a relief! Now Im sure Ill fit right in with your team? What should I say?
Family, Max, family! Becky winked at her aunt and took her fathers arm.
