– Shes not scary at all! Shes beautiful! Max, tell them!
Sasha clutched the bedraggled, skinny cat to her chest, crying so loudly that the neighbours, gathered around in the courtyard, covered their ears in self-defence.
With her booming voiceso typical of the rowdy Brooks familylittle Alexandra always made herself heard. She was only five, yet no one in the neighbourhood could shriek as piercingly as she could; her yells could rattle the windows.
Everyone had long grown used to Sasha and her countless siblingsno one paid much mind to their antics, knowing full well that Joanna, their mother, struggled to keep such a gaggle in order. Her shifts at the biscuit factory were so haphazard that any other woman would have thrown in the towel and simply gone to bits by now.
That iron gatethe one that proudly separated the rambling Victorian house (divided long ago into crowded flats) from the streetwas a treasure for the whole building. Joanna painted it every spring, right alongside the neighbours, so she had every right to lean on it after a hard day, though she rarely allowed herself the indulgence.
Still, shed sigh, Were all cart horses, arent we? Sturdy, honest, and just plodding on. No ones going to haul your load for you; only you can do it. And as for me, girls, Im the everlasting ponycantering in circles, scarcely knowing where it leads. I know whyof course I dobut as for where… You get nudged from behind, nose pressed into the next tail, and all you dream of is for the evening to finally come, so everyones in bed, clean and content, with the sink emptynot because no one dirtied it, but because someones already washed up. Its silly, I knowbut thats what happiness looks like, isnt it? That tiny bit of emptiness.
Joanna was a thinker and, once upon a time, could turn heads. But who looks twice at a woman raising six children, all ages and sizes, and looking out for herself, with hardly anyone to help her? Shed long given up on romancethere simply wasnt room for it.
Being a mother of six is not exactly a piece of Victoria sponge!
No one blamed her, that much is certain. Everyone knew the Brooks familys story.
Sasha, like three other children in the flurry, were taken inJoannas werent all her own. Not that shed gone to an orphanage out of a sense of charity. Could she have done something so grand? Maybe. Just not then, and never alone. Once, she had other dreams, but life has its tricksthrowing up tests of heart and spirit, never pausing for your opinion.
So, Joanna had her test. From the outset, it was always clear what sort of woman she was.
The children she raised were her inheritance.
And inheritance, as you well know in England, is either embraced or refused. Joanna knew, in her case, refusal was impossible. Shed not been abandoned herself. So how could she abandon those left adrift by life? Especially when they were family!
If youd asked her, Joanna would have said her reasons hardly mattered; it was enough that they were hers.
Joanna was a child of the nineties.
Her mother, Barbara, was the beauty queen of a little town in Sussexenvied by all. At just eighteen, shed married Richard, a businessman so shadowy that people whispered about his dealings. Joanna had no memory of her parents. Shed visit their gravestone, hand-in-hand with her gran, gently tracing the faded photographs, whispering little stories of school prizes and the new scarf granny had knitted.
Joanna learned the truth only at sixteen.
Your dad was a villain, love. He left too soon and took my Barbara with him. Dont speak ill of the dead, but I cant forgive him for your mum. I begged her not to get involvedbut no, she was smitten. He loved hereveryone said so. When men came for him, he shielded her, tried to save her. At least he loved her. And youwell, you were loved. Thats some small comfort for an old woman.
Thats when Joanna realised who those shadowy characters weresilently staring into cups of tea in their hallway, then pressing thick white envelopes into Grans hands before disappearing again.
Gran never turned the money away, only tucked it aside. When Joanna finished school, Gran bought her a spacious flat in Brighton.
Your inheritance, dear. From your mumand your dad.
Joanna never wanted to live there; she stayed on with her grandmother.
Why not, Joanna? Lovely flatright in the centre! You could walk to work. To your grammar school. Everything at your doorstep!
Not without you, Gran. Either you come with, or we stay.
Her gran wouldnt leave her little place at first, filled with memories, but gave in when cousin Gillian turned up.
Please, Joanna, let us take your flat! The kids need somewhere, and youre not using it. Ill pay you rent. We need the address for school places, too.
Gillian was a sly oneGran always said she could charm the skin off a snake.
Dont fall for her act, love. Never trust a fox in the henhouse! Shell never let go of that flat.
But Gran, shes got childrenmy cousins!
So? Shes their mother, isnt she? Let her look after them. Ive got you to think of!
Joanna listened, but she couldnt turn away from Max and Lizziesuch darlings. They clung to her, loved her, and always pouted when Gillian fetched them and snapped, Stop hanging off Joanna! Shes not your nanny!
Joanna believed it was unfair to have an empty flat when someone else was struggling. But her grandmother surprised her.
Not the same, Joanna, not at all!
Why? Is it fair Gill needs to squish into rented flats while mine stands empty?
Yes. Because she isnt you. And youve forgotten the tale of the clever fox and the house of ice. I havent!
They argued, and Gran finally put her foot down.
If anyone lives in that flat, its us, not them. You keep out of this, love. No need for a row with your cousinIll handle it. Its better for Gills kidslet them have an aunt who loves them. Every drop of love counts.
Time proved Gran right. When denied the flat, Gillian only sighed, I knew youd never let Joanna be taken advantage of.
Were you going to take advantage?
No! Youre all the family I have left.
Then stick with us, love. Well support youyou know that.
So Gran and Joanna moved in and set up home together.
Time, though, presses on, regardless of anyones plans.
Joanna hoped Gran would finally enjoy life, but fate had other ideas.
The walk-in clinic was just next doorGrans new job, shed joke, sifting through her prescriptions. Her health was poor, but she always waved Joanna away.
Im not an invalid! Its only two minutes out and back.
Oh, how Joanna wished shed insisted.
It was a simple winter accidentnothing unusual. Snow, then a hidden patch of ice. The smallest slip can cost everything…
Gran fell near the clinic, knocked her head, and lost consciousness. People hurried by, lives too busy to notice an old woman sprawled on the kerb.
A taxi driver, noticing her, found Joannas details in Grans bag and called an ambulance. By the time Joanna arrived, it was too late.
Her grandmother died a day later. Joanna spent that long night in the hospital corridor, clinging to Gillian, whod dashed over immediately.
How am I supposed to go on without her, Gill?
Youre not alone, Jo! Dont talk like that. You have to hope. Gill tried to comfort her, knowing it was hopeless.
The doctors barely met their eyesthey knew there was little hope. She wouldnt want this wallowing, Gill whispered, She was strong. She raised you to be strong.
I will try…”
Life shifted againnow Joanna was in charge, no safety net.
Thingslifekept piling up.
Owen appeared and stayed almost five years. Their parting was quiet; he left her with two children, but no bitterness. Owen had always been direct: when he fell in love with another woman, he told her face-to-face. He left, promising to always help.
Were still friends, Jo?
I suppose Owen, cant you hear yourself? Even as she helped him pack, she couldnt summon angernot for honesty, not even for leaving. Life, after all, isnt a fairy tale. Children, thoughit would be hard for them.
She called Gillian as she broke the news.
Gill, between hospital shifts, slapped the phone down and hurried over, catching Joanna in her arms and scolding her fiercely.
Dont cry! Hes not worth it. If not now, then later. Men like him always leave.
Why?! What did I do wrong?
You? Oh, honestly. Its just the typehed have gone either way. At least he wont be a deadbeat dad. Hell stay true to his word. Thats more than I got. My lot pays the bare minimum and never rings the kids. So, its just memum and dad in one.
What should I do?
Dont fight. Thats my advice. The rest will sort itselftime and all that.
Youll say time heals?
It doesnt. Thats rubbish. But something new will come along and blot out the pain. Not heal it, just… obscure it.
Gill was right. Joannas life refused to pause. Owen kept seeing the kids, taking them at weekends.
When he told Joanna he was expecting another baby, she handled it.
Thats nice. Congratulations.
Thank you, Joyoure amazing.
Tell me something I dont know! She managed a smile.
And then, another bombshell.
Gillianare you serious?!
As serious as midwives get. Twins, Jo! Their dad ran off the moment he found out. Good riddance. But what will I do with four? With Max and Lizzie, wheres the space for more?
Gillian covered her face and fled to the loo; Joanna stared at the sweets on the kitchen table where the kids helped themselves.
Share fair! Max shouted. Auntie Jo, you want a sweet? They help.
Looking at that bright, beloved face, Joanna made what many would call a mad decision.
You must be mad! Gillian stammered as she held the deed transfer. I cant accept
You can. You must! Gran would understand. Your childrenthey deserve a home. While this ones it, at least.
So, Grans flat became Gillians, and the family waited for the twins.
Sasha and Mary arrived on the dot, tiny things who made it clear the world would have to notice their presence.
Pipes on those girls! joked the nurse. How will you name them, mum?
One after my mum, Alexandra, and one after JoMary.
She must be a good egg, your sister, to be worthy of it.
Shes wonderful, Gillian replied. These kids wouldnt exist without her.
Joanna and the kids met Gill at the hospital.
Well, would you look at us now! One more on the tally! Joanna commented softly, peering under the lace bonnet.
May they only be happy Gill whispered, hiding her darkest worries.
If shed spoken to Joanna about her pains, if shed seen a doctor sooner, perhaps things would have ended differently.
But mothers rarely think about themselves.
Gillians heart failed one week later.
She whispered to Max to watch the babies, dialled for Joanna, and told him, Dont you go crying, lovelook after Lizzie. No fuss, now
Gillian couldnt be saved.
Joanna faced her hardest test yet.
Youre their only true relative, Mrs Brooks the weary woman from Social Services frowned. But its a heavy burdenfour children. Two of your own We have to think this through.
Joanna didnt argue.
Give up Max, Lizzie, and those babies to strangers or an institution? Impossible. Her gran always said, Youre responsible for your word and your choices.
So, there was nothing left to discuss: the children had to stay together.
Owen helpedfinding a good solicitor, sorting out paperwork, even minding the kids while Joanna dashed from office to office.
Your wife doesnt mind this? she asked.
She understands. Besides, youre never taking me back, are you?
No.
So, whats to worry about? Jo, are you sure you can manage?
I dont know, Owen. Six! Im terrified. What if I cant cope? What if I fail them?
You fear because you care. But youre not alone. Let me helpI owe you that much. Owen brushed tears from her cheeks. Dont cry. Well manage. You know, Jotheres no one like you. I mean ittheres none like you in this world.
Heard by God, I hope, Joanna said weakly.
He hears you, and he knows. Your grans up thereshell put in a word!
For once, I believe it. For the first time since Gills death, Joanna smiled.
After that, everything waswell, mad, really.
Joanna held on, but some nights shed let herself sob, silent and desperate, biting her pillow so the kids wouldnt hear.
Gran, what do I do next? You always knew. Show me how
And, somehow, memory always helped. The answers camemaybe incomplete, often just a nudgebut enough for Joanna to carry on, to find the path. The children grewand for them, no one in the world was more important than her. They knew, whatever happened, they could turn to Joannashed understand, forgive, or comfort them, and never let them hurt.
Just as now, Sasha tightened her grip on that rescued cat, shaking her head stubbornly as the neighbour sniffed, Joanna will throw you out with that filthy creature! Its probably disease-ridden. Let it go, Sasha dear!
No! Sasha cried, looking helplessly at her older brother, then towards the front door.
That morning, Joanna was taking the kids to the zoo. She was up early, made breakfast, got everyone ready, and within the hour, had two of the little ones put in Maxs care outside.
Take them to the swings, Max! I just need two minuteswhere did I put that box of old trainers?
Check Lizzies wardrobe! She tidied up. Well be outside! Max shouted and shepherded the little ones out, calling back, Mumfix your other eye, youve only done one! And dont rushIll watch them.
Joanna spun around the flat, locating the trainers, fixing her lipstick for once, thinking: enough with letting standards slide just because youre a mum. Yes, life was chaos, she thought, but why not look after herself, for her own sake, for the childrens? She remembered the old daysa trip to the zoo with Gran, jam sandwiches and homemade lemonade, the wish that the day might never end.
Now she brewed the squash, packed the sandwiches, and hoped her children would one day remember, and do the same.
She glanced in the mirror, slung her bag over her shoulder, and rushed out the door.
The neighbour grinned slyly as she passed. Off you go, Joanna! Theres a surprise waiting!
Sasha ran up, proudly offering her bedraggled treasure. Mum! Lookshes beautiful, isnt she?
What could Joanna say?
Nothing.
She picked up the cat, checked her over, and sighed.
Trip to the zoos off. Weve got a tiger of our own now. Max, wheres the nearest vet? Lets go, team.
And it turned out to be a very good day, even if they never made it to the lions and elephants. That skinny, battered catwhom Sasha, in front of all the neighbours, carried home despite all protestsbecame, after a few months, a beautiful, sleek, loveable family pet, bringing a little more joy, indeed a whole ocean of happiness, into their flat.
No one was surprised. Not Joanna, not the children. For them, it was simple, the truest thing they knew: where there is love, it can never be too much.
