My mother once gave me my grandmothers ring. It wasnt one of those classic vintage pieces youd expectrather, it was a plain, unattractive band, and far too large for me. I knew Id never wear it, no matter how hard I tried. So, since the ring was now in my possession, I figured I could do with it as I pleased. I took the ring to the local jeweller in town, paid a bit extra in pounds, and exchanged it for something much more in line with my own taste.
I called my mother, hoping she would share my excitement about the lovely new jewellery Id bought, but she was beside herself.
How could you do that? How could you get rid of Grans ring without asking me? Its not just jewellery, its our familys memory. An heirloom!
I tried to explain, gently, that since it was given to me, I thought I had the right to decide what to do with it. She just wouldnt hear me out. The conversation ended with us both upset, and later when she phoned again, my annoyance got the better of me so I didnt pick up. She sent me a message instead. It turned out the ring wasnt meant as a gift, but as something I was simply to keep safenot to do with as I wished. It left me wonderingwhat am I meant to do with it, then? The whole situation felt a bit unfair to me and rather strange. Its unsettling when someone gives you something but doesnt really let it go. My grandmother is still living, and, to be honest, relations between my mother, Gran, and me have always been somewhat tense. What sort of keepsake is that?
I came across this story, written long ago, in a newspapers letters section, and it captivated me so much I felt I had to discuss it. Personally, I cant imagine tossing out such a family keepsakeeven if its more ordinary than remarkable, its still part of our familys story. No matter the sentiment between relatives, these objects are rare now. Generations to come may gaze curiously at the kind of jewellery their ancestors once wore. And fashions always come full circle. For a daughter, that ring could one day be a reminder of her mother, long after shes goneand of her grandmother, too.
Yet, here was a young woman swapping it for something modern. Setting aside the quality of contemporary gold, theres always the option of having an old piece refashioned by a jeweller. That way, you preserve the memory while also keeping the ornament in useit becomes both cherished and practical, ready to be passed down again, and still carrying its history.
Alternatively, you can always buy new jewellery and let the old ring rest quietly in its box.
I truly find myself siding with the mother. I understand her shock; she simply assumed her daughter would understand the significance of such a gift. We all know its in poor taste to sell or give away even ordinary presents, let alone your grandmothers ring.
Yet, perhaps we should try to see the daughters point of view. Maybe shes just not sentimentalperhaps someone who values things she can use, not merely store away. After all, the local charity shops are full of family trinkets that end up there when no one wants them any more. So perhaps its best to live in the present, not clinging to memories if they dont matter to you? If she doesnt feel that attachment, is it really her fault? Maybe her mother never imparted those simple truths.
A story from long ago, but the feelings seem timeless.
