Convenient Grandmothers
Margaret Wright was woken by laughter. Not by a gentle chuckle or a stifled giggle, but by loud, raucous laughter that was quite unfitting for a hospital wardprecisely the sort of noise she had despised all her life. It came from her bedmate, who was clutching her mobile to her ear and gesticulating wildly with her free hand, as if her conversation partner could see her.
No, Liz! You didnt! Did he really say that? Right in front of everyone?
Margaret glanced at the clock. Quarter to seven. Another fifteen minutes to the official wake-up, fifteen minutes shed hoped to spend quietly gathering her thoughts before her surgery.
When shed arrived at the ward the previous evening, her neighbour was already ensconced in her bed, typing furiously on her phone. Their greetings had been brief. Good evening. Hello. Then each retreated to her own thoughts, which had suited Margaret perfectly. Shed been grateful for the peace. Now thiscomplete chaos.
Excuse me, Margaret said, clearly but not loudly, could you please keep it down?
Her neighbour turned round. She had a round face, short greyish hairunapologetically undyedand, shockingly, was wearing a bright red polka-dot pyjama set. In hospital!
Oh Liz, will ring you back, someones giving me an earful, she said, putting away her phone and turning to Margaret with a smile. Sorry about that! Im Patricia Baker. Did you sleep well? I can never sleep before an op, so I end up ringing everyone I know.
Margaret Wright. Just because you cant sleep doesnt mean the rest of us wouldnt like to.
But youre already awake! Patricia winked. Alright, Ill whisper from now on. Pinky promise.
She didnt. She managed two more calls before breakfastand her voice only got louder each time. Margaret ostentatiously turned to face the wall, duvet over her head, but it made little difference.
My daughter rang, Patricia explained over breakfast, though neither of them was really eating. Shes fretting, poor thing, but I told her Ill be just fine.
Margaret said nothing. Her own son hadnt rung, but she hadnt expected him to; he had an important morning meeting, and she had always insisted work came first. Responsibility, that was how shed raised him.
They came to take Patricia first. She marched off down the corridor, waving her hand in farewell and calling something cheeky to the nurse, who burst out laughing. Margaret found herself hoping Patricia would be moved to another ward after surgery.
They collected Margaret an hour later. Shed never taken well to anaesthetics. She woke nauseous, an ache spreading through her right side. The nurse assured her all had gone well, that the pain would pass. Margaret just endured. She was good at enduring.
By the evening, Patricia was back, lying silently on her bed, her face ashen and her eyes closed, an IV drip in her hand. For the first time since Margaret had met her, she was quiet.
How are you? Margaret found herself asking, though shed meant to keep to herself.
Patricia opened her eyes and offered a weak smile. Still alive, just about. You?
Still here.
They fell silent. Dusk was settling outside. The dripping of the IVs filled the space.
Sorry about this morning, Patricia said after a moment. I babble when Im nervous. I know its annoying, but I cant help it.
Margaret had wanted to sharpen her response, but she was just too tired. She managed, Its alright, and nothing more.
Neither woman slept much that night. Both were in pain. Patricia didnt call anyone; she just lay there, fidgeting, occasionally letting out a sigh. Once, Margaret thought she heard her crying softly into her pillow.
In the morning, the doctor came round. She checked their stitches, took their temperatures, and announced, Well done, ladies, all looks fine! Patricia immediately grabbed her phone.
Liz! Oh, Im well again, nothing to worry about. How are the little ones? Charlie had a fever, you say? What? Gone already? Knew it was nothing.
Margaret couldnt help but listen. The little onesher grandchildren, surely. Her daughter reporting in.
Her own phone lay silent. Two texts from her son, both sent last night when she was still out cold: Mum, how are you? and Text when you can. She typed, All fine, and added a smiley face. He liked his smileys, said messages looked too cold without them.
His answer came in three hours: Brilliant! Love you.
Will your lot be coming to visit? Patricia asked over lunch.
My sons working. Hes miles away anyway. No need to fuss, I can manage.
Too right, Patricia agreed. My daughter says the same: Mum, youre grown up, you can cope. Why come if theres no emergency, eh?
There was something in her tone that made Margaret look at her more closely. Patricia was smiling, but her eyes were far from happy.
How many grandkids do you have?
Three. Charlies the oldest, hes eight. Then theres Maisie and Samuelthree and four, close as can be. Patricia began rifling in her bedside cabinet for her phone. Want to see some photos?
She showed pictures for a good twenty minutes. The children at the allotment, at the seaside, with birthday cakes. In every picture, Patricia was right there with themhugging, kissing, pulling faces. Her daughter wasnt in a single one.
She takes the photos, Patricia explained. She doesnt like being in them.
Do your grandchildren come to yours often?
I basically live with them. My daughter works, so does her husband, so I well, I help: nursery runs, homework checks, dinner on the table.
Margaret nodded. It had been much the same for her. In the early years after her grandson was born she helped out daily. Later, it became less frequent. Now, maybe once a month on a Sundayif it suited everyone.
And you?
One grandson. Nine. Hes doing well at school, does karate.
See him often?
Some Sundays. Theyre busy. I understand.
Yeah, Patricia turned to the window. Busy.
Silence. Drizzle streaked the glass.
In the evening, Patricia said suddenly, I dont want to go home.
Margaret looked up. Patricia sat perched on her bed, knees hugged to her chest, eyes on the floor.
I just dont. The more I think about it, the less I want to.
Why?
Whats the point? Ill get home and Charliell have muddled his homework again, Maisies nose will be running, Sams torn his trousers. My daughter will be at work till late, her husband out of town. Ill just be doing the samelaundry, cooking, cleaning, helping out. And they wont even She trailed off. They wont even say thank you. Its justgranny, shes supposed to.
Margaret was silent. She felt a lump rise in her throat.
Sorry, Patricia dabbed her eyes, Im just being silly.
Dont apologise, Margaret replied softly. I I retired five years ago. Thought I might start living for myselfgo to the theatre, see exhibitions. I even signed up for French lessons. Made it two weeks.
What happened?
My daughter-in-law went on maternity leave. Asked for a bit of help. Im gran, not working, its no trouble. I couldnt say no.
And?
Three years, every single day. Then nursery, every other day. Then school, once a week. Now not much. Theyve got a nanny. I stay home and wait for the call. If they remember.
Patricia nodded. My daughter was supposed to visit in November. Just for me. I cleaned the whole house, baked pies. Then she rangSorry Mum, Charlies got football, we cant make it.
And she didnt come?
She didnt. I gave the pies to my neighbour.
They sat in silence again. Rain tapped on the glass.
The worst thing? Patricia said, voice trembling. Its not that they dont come. Its that I keep waiting. I clutch my phone, hoping, maybe this time theyll ring just to say they miss me. Not because they need something.
Margaret felt a sting behind her eyes.
I wait too. Every time my phone rings I hope its just to chat. But no. Always for a reason.
And we always help, said Patricia with a wry smile. Its just what mums do.
Yes.
The next day they had their dressings changed. Painful for both. Afterward, as they lay in silence, Patricia said,
I always thought we were a happy family. My daughters lovely, great son-in-law, I adore the grandkids. I thought they couldnt get on without me.
And?
And now I see they manage perfectly well. Four days without a single complaint from my daughtershe sounded positively chirpy. So… they can cope. Its just handy having a granny on tap.
Margaret pushed herself up on one elbow.
Do you know what I realised? I only have myself to blame. I taught my son that Mum always helps, always waits, always puts her own plans last.
I did the same. My daughter rang, I dropped everything.
Weve convinced them we arent people, Margaret said slowly. That we dont have our own lives.
Patricia nodded. So what now?
I dont know.
By the fifth day, Margaret could get up unaided. On the sixth, she managed a walk to the end of the corridor and back. Patricia trailed behind by a day, determined as ever. They took their slow walks together, steadying themselves against the wall as they went.
After my husband died, I completely lost my way, Patricia confided. My daughter said, Now your life is the grandchildren. So I lived for them. But its so one-sided. Im there for them, but theyre only there for me when its convenient.
Margaret shared the story of her divorce, thirty years ago, when her son was five. How shed raised him alone, went to evening classes, took two jobs.
I thought if I was the perfect mother, hed be the perfect son. If I gave everything, hed be grateful.
But he grew up, got his own life, Patricia finished.
Yes. And thats fine. I just didnt realise how lonely it would feel.
Me neither.
On the seventh day, Margaret’s son visitedwithout warning, completely unannounced. She was reading when he arriveda tall man in an expensive overcoat, carrying a bag of fruit.
Mum! How are you? Feeling better?
Much better.
Great! The doctor says youll be discharged in three days. Thought maybe youd like to come stay with us? The guest rooms free, Olivia says.
Thank you, but Id rather be at home.
Fair enough. But if you need anything, call us.
He stayed for twenty minutes, chatted about work, his son, his new car. Offered her money, promised hed visit next week. Then left, quickly, as if relieved.
Patricia, pretending to sleep in her own bed, opened her eyes as the door closed.
That was your boy?
Yes.
Handsome.
Yes.
And cold as marble.
Margaret couldn’t replyher throat tightened unbearably.
You know, Patricia said quietly, Ive been thinking. Maybe its time we stop expecting love from them. Just let go. Accept theyve got their own lives. Time we found our own.
Easier said than done.
Harder to do, yes. But what else is there? Just sitting here, endlessly waiting?
So what did you tell your daughter? Margaret surprised herself by slipping into youbanishing the formalities.
I said after Im discharged, Id need two weeks rest. Doctors orders. No babysitting.
And what did she say?
At first, she protested. I told her: Liz, youre an adult, youll manage. I just cant right now.
She was upset?
Oh, furious. But you know what? I felt lighter. Like a weight off.
Margaret shut her eyes. Im afraid. If I say no, if I put myself first, they might stop ringing altogether.
Do they ring you much now?
Silence.
Exactly. Theres nowhere to go but up.
On the eighth day, they were both discharged, at the same time. They packed in silence, as if parting forever.
Lets swap numbers, Patricia suggested.
Margaret nodded. They exchanged details, then stood together for a moment.
Thank you, Margaret said. For being here.
Thank you, too. I havent talked to anyone like this in thirty years.
Nor have I.
They huggedawkward, gentle, careful not to disturb their stitches. The nurse brought their discharge notes, called a taxi. Margaret left first.
Home was quiet and empty. Margaret unpacked, showered, lay on her sofa. She saw her sons three texts: Mum, are you out?, Let me know when youre home, Dont forget your tablets.
She replied, Home. All fine. Put the phone away.
She got up, opened the cupboard, and drew out a folder she hadnt touched in five years. Inside were her French course brochure and a printed schedule from the philharmonic theatre. She stared for a while.
The phone rang. Patricia.
Hi. Sorry for calling so soon, I just wanted to.
Im glad you did. Really.
Listen, shall we meet up? When were stronger. In a fortnight? Coffee shop, or a stroll somewhere nice?
Margaret looked at the brochure, then the phone, then at the brochure again.
Id love to. Truly. But lets not wait two weeks. Saturday? Im tired of lying about.
Saturday? Bold move! Doctors said
They did. But Ive spent thirty years looking out for everyone else. Time I looked out for myself.
Its a date. Saturday it is.
They said goodbye. Margaret laid down her phone and picked up the brochure again. French classes started in a month; there were still places.
She opened her laptop and started filling out the registration form. Her hands trembled, but she kept going until it was done.
Rain still tapped at her window, but behind the clouds, the sun was breaking through. Pale, autumnalbut sunshine all the same.
And Margaret suddenly realisedperhaps life was only just beginning. She pressed submit, and smiled.
Sometimes, you have to stop waiting for others to give you permission to liveand simply begin.







