Thank you for the lesson I learned while being married to your daughter. I am now taking her back to you.
Dear motherinlaw,
Im sorry I cant call you Mum as I had hoped when we first met and when your daughter proposed to me. Of course I wanted to settle down; my close friends have been married for years and I watched them with a pinch of envy, seeing how they look after one another, showing respect and love.
I dreamed of a family where my partner would always be by my side, a solid support, children to raise together, and us sharing the responsibilities. I also longed to care for my husband, to let him feel my affection, to be able to talk about anything with him.
The first time I saw how you treated your daughter, I thought you had raised the sort of woman who should be in my life. Before the wedding you said something that painted the picture of what lay ahead for me. You may have forgotten it, but I still recall it and regret not giving your words the weight they deserved. It was: My daughter is used to looking after just one man. That short sentence sums up the upbringing you gave her from childhood.
Your daughter never refused to pop over to the chemist for your pills, nor to fetch them from the other side of town, even though the pharmacy is a stones throw from your house and buying the medicine isnt hard. If your front door squeaks, my husband rushes to oil it, so you neednt worry about such a serious problem. The fact that every door in our flat creaks in its own tone, or that the wardrobe doors sag, never seemed to bother him.
When my husband dropped me home, instead of taking you for a stroll in the park you made a scene, accusing me of laziness, indolence and a habit of taking the easy way out. And why not? Its far more convenient to drive than to catch the train, and lugging heavy luggage yourself isnt a great idea either. Still, you wanted a breath of fresh air.
My husband is a wonderful son. When you couldnt sleep and, in the middle of the night, shared your malaise with him, not thinking of the fact that we both had to get up for work the next morning, he hurriedly called a cab because hed had a tipple earlier and didnt want to risk his licence. Instead of thanking him, you said there was nothing wrong with abstaining from drinking with his wife if his mother might need help at night. Of course, you could abstain from anything, not just alcohol, because he is your son and I am just his wife.
Congratulations on not giving me any ground in your relationship with your son, even though its absurd to share a man. You dont want to share him with anyone.
Thank goodness we have no children. They wouldnt have noticed straight away, but they also couldnt have asked their granddad for time, because Grandmother gets priority. Your caring son didnt support me even when I truly needed it; my friend stepped in, understanding that depression would get me nowhere. I had hoped for at least a few words of support, compassion and understanding from your son, but instead he once again turned his attention to you.
Yes, I admit I lost; I could never become for him what you are, despite my best efforts. A shame that all those attempts went unnoticed by your son. He truly loves one woman you. The words of love he whispered to me were merely a formality, a protocol between betrothed.
I want to be needed by a man, not a shiny, perfect husband who arranges everything in a rigid order, like your son does. Let him sometimes come home after a few drinks with his workmates something your son never allowed himself. Most importantly, I need him to worry about my failures, rejoice in my successes, and care for me.
Im glad Ive realised my husband will never be that kind of man. We never had children, because you dont need strong emotions; your son saved his heart for you alone. That very frugality prompted me to consider pregnancy. Now theres another person in my life and a little boy who will be born in three months.
I promise to raise that boy to be a proper gentleman, though not in the way you would define it. Thank you for the experience I gained while married to your daughter. I return her to you, healthy, caring and attentive. May you both be happy.
Your former soninlaw.
