You know, I always thought Hannah and I were meant to see our kids end up together
I get that you and Hannah are close, but I cant marry someone I have no feelings for, I told her. It would end badly for both of us.
It was drizzling that grey afternoon, the rain clinging to the shop windows and making the courtyard look even more dull.
For Natalie and Hannah, who were slowly rocking their prams, the gloom was just background noise for their endless, lazy chats. Theyd been best mates for years, and almost at the same time theyd both become mums. Natalies son, Jack, was a big, boisterous lad, while Hannahs little girl, Ellie, had those sharp, clever eyes.
Look at him, Natalie, so serious, Hannah cooed at Jack. Whos this serious one? Hell probably be a professor someday, already plotting something.
I dont know, Hannah, Natalie laughed. Right now hes just trying to scream louder. What about your Ellie? Shes tiny now but fierce shell grow up to be a commander.
Exactly! Hannah winked. When shes bigger Ill send her to drama club, or ballet, or singing lessons I dont want her to lose that spark or shy away from the stage. Right, Ellie? she sang softly to the baby. Youll be an actress, huh? And you, Jack, what will you study?
She tried to fix his little cap.
Jack reached out, clumsily trying to grab Hannahs finger, while Ellie twirled around in her pram, clearly curious about the commotion.
Those are the first tentative steps toward future relationships, Hannah mused, catching Natalies eye. Imagine how theyll look at each other when theyre older, if they stay as close as we are now
That would be brilliant, Natalie smiled, picturing it. And what if they fall in love? Thatd be wonderful. Wed be sistersinlaw, sharing grandchildren!
Exactly! Hannahs eyes lit up. Theyll have known each other since nappies, see all our quirks, and their own. Itd be easier for them to understand each other. I never thought of that, but itd be great.
Neighbours with dogs and strollers ambled by, umbrellas up, nodding politely.
Years slipped by.
Jack and Ellie really did grow up side by side. Their first steps, their first words, all happened together. Nursery, then primary school, then Year1 they were always shoulder to shoulder. It seemed the mothers predictions were spot on. Jack, a calm player, always gave Ellie the most interesting toy. Ellie, ever the leader, decided which game to play, when to do homework, whose backpack to carry in the hallway.
By Year5, things changed.
Jack, becoming more independent, stopped accepting Ellies generous offers. Where he once handed over a toy because it was easier, now he wondered why he should always give in.
Give me that car! Ellie demanded, snatching his hand. You never play with it anyway.
I wanted to take it, Jack replied.
And what? I wanted it too, but Ill let you play only when I feel like it! Listen to me! Ellie triumphed, as usual.
Jack kept his mouth shut. He remembered his mum saying he and Ellie should stay friends their families were practically one. He didnt want to wreck that with childish grudges, so he tolerated her bossy ways: taking the best seat on the bus, dictating games, looking down on his hobbies.
Then, somewhere in the mess, Ellie fell for him. She kept bossing him around, but now with a crush. Jack, however, just held his peace.
When they turned twentyfive, Jacks tolerance turned into something less pleasant. Ellies cheeky edge, once endearing, became clingy. She still hovered, waiting for the moment Jack would finally see that she was the one.
One morning, Natalie tried to spark conversation over breakfast.
Jack, you look thoughtful today. Whats on your mind? Its time you started thinking about serious things like a family.
Jack, more interested in his phone, gave a vague grunt.
Natalie searched for the right words. You get along so well with Ellie. Shes a lovely girl, a bit loud, but maybe thats exactly what you need. Wouldnt it be great if you two got married? Youre so natural together.
Jack had heard that line a hundred times.
Mum, were just friends, like you always said. I dont want to marry her.
Friends? Natalie said, But youve known each other forever! You went to the same nursery, sat side by side in class. It feels like more than friendship, doesnt it? Its fate, Jack! Where else will you find someone who knows you as well as she does?
Ive never felt anything for Ellie beyond friendship, Jack replied, eager to finish the talk. And honestly, even that friendships faded. I put up with her as a kid because she was demanding, not because I liked her. Now shes just an old acquaintance. Im not interested at all.
She adores you! She always says youre brilliant
She says that to anyone she likes, Jack shrugged.
Is that a tactic? Natalie asked. Is she fooling you?
No, mum, shes not fooling anyone. She just wants attention, wants to be the centre of it. I cant give her more than a friendly chat. I dont feel the kind of love youre talking about.
Thats why Hannah and I always hoped youd end up together, Natalie persisted. I understand youre friends, but I cant marry someone I have no feelings for. It would end badly for both of us.
But feelings can appear later! Natalie pressed. Its happened before friends become lovers.
If I dont feel it, I dont, Jack stood up. Ellie isnt the person I want to spend my life with. We have different ideas of happiness, and they dont line up.
Natalie sighed, feeling sorry for Hannah, who still dreamed of that perfect match, but she also understood Jack.
Meanwhile, Ellie was scrolling through Jacks social media, smiling at the rare photos. He seemed different, unlike the guys whod tried to chase her and fawn over her.
When will you get it? she whispered to herself.
Ellie, love! Hannah called as she entered.
Hey, mum! Ellie replied. What have you been up to?
Out for a walk with Natalie. We were just talking about you again. Hannah winked. She says Jacks being stubborn, not thinking about the future. Well try to convince him.
Stubborn? Why? He never tells me anything
He says he has no feelings for you. Can you imagine? Years side by side, and no spark.
But Ellie began, Hes always been there for me, always listened.
Thats the point! Hannah exclaimed. Youve known each other since nappies. Feelings are weird; they can show up when you least expect them. Just stay close, dont give up. Jack just hasnt realized youre his match yet.
Im not giving up, mum, Ellie said.
Back at home, Natalie felt uneasy. She valued her friendship with Hannah, but she also saw how tired Jack was of everyone trying to pair them up.
You know, Hannah, she said one evening over the phone, I think I may have overdone it with this idea. Jack really doesnt feel anything for Ellie. He told me the pressures getting to him.
Pressure? Hannah was surprised. What kind of pressure?
That we all want happiness for our kids. It would be easier if he just agreed, for Ellies sake. I keep telling them theyll marry.
Hannah, for us mums it would be lovely. But for them? They should live their own lives. If Jack feels nothing, thats that.
What am I supposed to tell Ellie? I dont see anyone else for her but Jack.
Ellie still lingered around. She met Jack now and then, by chance. Shed had a few boyfriends, none lasting long.
Jack was busy with work, but when Alice entered the picture, things got messy. Natalie first brushed it off as casual, but once Jack introduced them, the whole family felt the shift.
What do you think this will look like for us? Alice asked once, after a family gathering. Were practically one big clan with Hannahs lot. How am I supposed to tell Ellie Ill be coming to every celebration with my own partner? Shell go off the rails, Hannah wont forgive me
Mum!! Jack shouted, Can you calm down? Isnt it a bit much, dictating who I can date because Aunt Hannah would be upset?
I wouldnt tell you what to do, but Ellie loves you, Natalie said quietly. Hannah has made it clear: if you bring anyone else into the family, shell cut ties with us. That could mean I lose a friend.
I cant return her feelings. Not at all, Jack admitted.
But shes hurting, Jack!
I see that, mum, and I feel sorry. But I cant give her something I dont have. I cant force love, that would be lying to both of us.
But Natalie stammered, What if you just havent noticed? Youve known her forever; maybe youre just used to thinking of her as a friend
I feel nothing. No spark, no desire to spend all my time with her. Were just different.
Hannah never forgave Natalie for that. Their interactions became rare, only crossing paths at mutual friends events.
One day, at a friends wedding, Jack and Ellie ended up at the same table.
You look good, Ellie, Jack said, breaking the silence.
You too, Jack, she replied. Ive never stopped thinking about you
I know, Jack sighed. Thats why its so hard. I cant live up to your expectations. Im not the man who can make you happy the way you want.
Why cant you? she asked, eyes pleading. Id do anything!
Because I dont love you, Ellie. I dont think I ever will. Our mums have stopped trying, but I cant change how I feel. Im sorry.
Ellie swallowed her pride, no longer ready to issue ultimatums like her mum.
I understand, Jack, she whispered. Forgive me. I guess Ive been dreaming too long.
