I realised something was off the day I noticed my wife no longer told me, I love you. I can’t pinpoint exactly when she stopped. Was it last week? Last month? Sometime even farther back? All I know is that she used to say it all the timewhen I left for work in the morning, when we hung up the phone, just before we drifted off to sleep. And I always replied with a classic same here, ditto, or the ever-romantic haha, love.
Im 34. I work full-time. Leave early, come home knackered. I always thought being a good husband meant ticking off the basics: paying the bills, doing the shopping, being at home, not having dodgy affairs. Id walk in, eat, shower, plonk myself down with my phone or the telly. Shed tell me about her day, and Id answer with monosyllabic masterpieces: Mm, yeah, lets talk later, Im tired. When she said I love you, I took it for grantedjust routine. Never occurred to me Id miss hearing it.
Then I started to notice the small things changing. She stopped texting me during the day. Used to be shed send little messages: Take care, Hope your days nice, Have you had lunch? Now? Silence. At night, shed lie in bed scrolling on her phone, back turned to me. She didnt reach for my hand anymore. No more How are you? One day, I called her love, and she answered with my name. Something weird jolted my chest.
One evening, I summoned the courage and asked,
Do you still love me?
She was quiet. Didnt look at me. Just said,
I dont know I dont feel the same anymore.
It landed like a punch. I asked if something happenedanother man, some drastic mistake on my part? She told me theres no one else. Shes just tired. Tired of feeling alone with company. Tired of talking and not being heard. Tired of saying I love you and getting nothing in return.
That night, I remembered every single time she’d said I love you, and Id answered me too, without looking up, without hugging, without really noticing her. All those days Id come home glued to my phone. When shed asked if we could go out, do something together, and Id prefer to flop onto the sofa. Id thought love was proven by providing. Turns out she needed words, time, and attention.
Since then, Ive been trying to change. Now, I say I love you. Hug her. Text her. Ask her out, try to do things together. But nothing feels quite the same. She looks at me with a cautious gaze, like shes scared to hope again. Sometimes she just says, thank you, when I tell her I love her. That hurts more than if she just said no.
We live in the same house, sleep in the same bed, but it isnt the same. I feel like Im trying to put out a fire when theres barely anything left to save. I dont know if Im too late. I dont know if shes moved on already, emotionally. But I do know Id trade everything to go back to those days when she said I love you without a second thought.
Got any wise advice for me?
