My Daughter and I Have a ‘Code Word’ – What Happened Yesterday Is Why You Should Have One Too
This experience reminded me why having a code word is so important for keeping children safe.
When I was little, my mum taught me to use a secret word if I ever felt unsafe and couldn’t say so outright. As an adult, I passed this trick on to my daughter. I thought she might use it to avoid an awkward playdate or a dull afternoon with a friend’s family. I never imagined she’d need it so soon.
Yesterday began like any ordinary day—or so I thought. I was sipping my tea in the kitchen when my phone rang. It was my ex-husband, James. Our once-close relationship had grown tense over the years, as often happens after a divorce. We tried to stay civil for our daughter, Emily, but there was always an unspoken strain.
“Hello, Sarah,” James said hesitantly. “Emily wants to chat. She’s been asking to tell you about her day since she got here.”
This was unusual. Emily loved her weekends with her dad and rarely called me during visits. “Alright, put her on,” I said, keeping my voice steady, though my stomach tightened.
“Hi, Mum!” Emily’s voice was bright, but something felt off. I listened carefully, picking up on a nervous edge beneath her usual chatter.
“Hello, darling! How’s your weekend? Having a lovely time?” I asked, forcing cheerfulness.
“Yes, it’s been fun. We went to the park yesterday, and I drew some pictures today. I drew a cat, a flower, and… I wish I had a red crayon so I could draw strawberries.”
The word “strawberries” hit me like a shock. My heartbeat quickened. Amid her innocent words, Emily had slipped in our secret code. I froze, fighting to stay calm. That word meant, “Come get me now.”
“That sounds wonderful, sweetheart. I’ll be there soon. Don’t say anything to Dad. I’ll explain when I arrive.”
“Did you want to tell me anything else?”
“No, that’s all,” she said sweetly, but I heard the fear hidden in her voice. I knew I had to go.
“See you soon, alright?”
“Alright, Mum. Love you.”
“Love you too, my Emmy.” I heard her giggle as I hung up, but my hands shook. What could be wrong? James had always been a good father. Yet something wasn’t right. I grabbed my coat and keys, driving straight to his house.
When I knocked, a woman I didn’t recognise answered. She eyed me with suspicion.
“Can I help you?” she asked sharply.
“I’m here to collect my daughter. Is James home?”
“He’s just popped out to the shops, but Emily’s inside. Who are you?”
“I’m Sarah, Emily’s mother,” I said coolly. “And you?”
The woman’s face stiffened. “I’m Fiona, James’s girlfriend. We’ve been living together for a few weeks now.”
I was stunned. James hadn’t mentioned a girlfriend, let alone sharing his home. Why hadn’t Emily told me? But this wasn’t the time for questions—I needed my daughter.
“Fiona, I just remembered Emily has a dentist appointment tomorrow, and we need to prepare,” I lied smoothly. “I’ll bring her back later.”
Fiona frowned but didn’t argue. “Fine. I’ll let James know.”
“Of course,” I said, stepping inside. Emily sat on the sofa, colouring quietly. Her face brightened when she saw me, but the relief in her eyes was unmistakable.
“Ready to go, love?” I said lightly. “We’ve got that appointment to sort out.”
Emily nodded, clutching her colouring book. She stayed silent until we reached the car. Fiona watched us leave but didn’t interfere. Once we were driving, I glanced at Emily.
“Are you alright, darling?” I asked gently.
At first, she nodded. Then, tears welled up. “Mum, Fiona… Fiona’s horrible when Dad’s not there.”
My stomach twisted. “What do you mean?”
“She says I’m a bother and shouldn’t be here. She told me Dad wouldn’t believe me because I’m just a kid. She makes me stay in my room.”
Anger burned inside me. How could this woman, a stranger in my daughter’s life, treat her this way?
“You did exactly right by telling me,” I said, keeping my voice calm. “You won’t have to be near her again unless you want to. I’ll talk to Dad, and we’ll sort this out, alright?”
Emily wiped her eyes. “Alright, Mum.”
When we got home, I held her close, promising she was safe. After settling her with her favourite teddy, I called James.
“Sarah, what’s happened? Fiona said you took Emily.”
“Yes, something’s happened,” I said, struggling to control my fury. “Emily used our code word today, James. She wanted to leave because Fiona’s been cruel to her when you’re not around.”
Silence. Then, “What? That can’t be true… Fiona wouldn’t—”
“She did. Emily was in tears by the time we left. She was too scared to tell you, so she told me the only way she could.”
“I had no idea. I’ll talk to Fiona. This isn’t on.”
“No, it’s not,” I agreed, my voice firm. “But Emily is what matters.”
“You’re right,” James sighed. “I’ll handle it.”
After hanging up, I sat, exhausted. This wasn’t how I’d expected the day to go, but I was grateful Emily trusted our secret word. It made all the difference.
That evening, I decided Emily needed a mobile. She needed a way to reach me directly.
Looking back, I realised how vital a code word is for children. It gives them a safe way to speak when they can’t say things outright. But choosing the right word is key.
Pick something unusual—avoid everyday words like “school” or “birthday.” You don’t want false alarms. It should be easy to remember but hard to guess.
For older children, consider a short phrase, like “pink elephant” or “singing cloud.” Practise using it in different situations so they feel confident if they ever need it.
Our ordeal showed how something so simple can be lifesaving. I hope sharing our story encourages other parents to create their own code word. It might just be the lifeline their child needs one day.
Note:
This story is inspired by real-life situations but has been fictionalised. Names, details, and events have been altered for privacy and storytelling purposes. Any resemblance to actual people or incidents is unintended.
