Wheres my daughter? Sarah said again, her teeth chattering with nerves and cold.
Shed left Lucy at a birthday party in the playroom of the big shopping centre on the edge of town. She barely knew the parents of the birthday child, but it wasnt the first time Lucy had been to a childrens party like this, so she wasnt too worried. Only today, the bus had taken agesstuck in Sunday traffic, as usual. That shopping centre was a pain to get to without a careveryone seemed to drive, but Sarah didnt have one. So shed brought Lucy on the bus, nipped back home to teach her scheduled lessons (couldnt cancel, rent still had to be paid), then returned, running full speed across the icy car parkheart pounding, barely able to catch her breath. Now the birthday girls mum, a petite woman with round blue eyes, looked baffled and repeated:
Her dad collected her.
Lucy didnt have a dad. Wellshe did, technically, but hed never met his daughter.
Sarah met Tom by chance: she was out on the pier with a friend, her mate twisted her ankle, and some lads strolled over offering help. Like in some old romantic comedy, they claimed to be at Oxford, bragged about important dadsa general, a professor. Why they lied, who knowsyoure young, you do daft things. When Sarah fell pregnant and Tom found out she was just a trainee teacher and her dad drove a bus? He shoved cash for an abortion into her hand and vanished.
Sarah kept the baby, never regretted it a momentLucy was her wise little companion, always sensible, always there. They were a team. While Sarah taught, Lucy played quietly with her dolls, then afterwards theyd head to the kitchen together for milk soup or poached eggs, and drink tea with buttery biscuits. Money was tight, mostly spent on rent, but neither complained.
How could you give my daughter to a stranger?
Sarahs voice wobbled, tears close behind.
Well, strangerhes her father!the blue-eyed woman looked annoyed.
Sarah could have told her there was no dad, but what was the point? She needed to find a security guard, check CCTV, do something
When was this?
Ten minutes ago or so
Sarah pivoted and ran. How many times had she warned Lucy: never go off with strangers! Her legs felt like jelly, her vision foggy, she collided with people, didnt even apologise, just pushed on. Instinctively, she shouted:
Lucy! Lucy!
The food court was busy and noisy, few took notice of her cries, but a handful glanced over. Gasping for air, Sarah tried to guess where to look first. Maybe he hadnt taken her far, maybe
Mummy!
She barely believed her eyes. Lucy, coat open, her little face smeared with ice cream, ran straight at her. Sarah hugged her so tightly she thought shed collapse if she let go. Then she fixed her gaze on the man standing nearby: neat haircut, silly jumper with a snowman on it, ice cream in hand. He saw something in Sarahs eyes, because he started babbling:
Im so sorryits all my fault! I shouldve stayed put, honestly, but the kids they were teasing her! Saying her dad never comes and shes ugly and all that. I snappedI said, come on, Lucy, while we wait for your mum, lets get some ice cream. I didnt mean to scare you
Sarah shook, still not trusting this random bloke. Butwere those kids really picking on Lucy? She glanced at her daughter, and Lucy got it in onesniffed, lifted her chin.
Doesnt matter! Ive got a dad now too!
The man looked sheepish; Sarah was still too rattled to reply.
Come on, Lucy,she managed finally, trying to sound firm.Well miss our bus.
Wait!the man stammered forward, hand half-raising.Can I give you a lift, maybe? I promise, Im normalmy names Ben. Honestly, Im nicelook, my mums over there, shell vouch for me!
He gestured at a woman with a head of purple curls, nose buried in a book at a nearby table.
We can go speak with her; shell give me a glowing reference!
No need,Sarah muttered, still feeling like smacking him.Thank you, but were fine.
MumLucy tugged her coat.Lets let everyone see Dad is driving us!
Some of the party lingered near the playroomthe birthday girl, her mum, another little girl whining for cake. Lucys hopeful eyes made it hard to say no, plus the thought of walking back in this state so Sarah caved.
Alright then,she said.
Great! Just a secIll let my mum know.
Mummys boy, Sarah thought, watching Ben hurry off. His mother gave her a cheery wave; Sarah looked away, cringing at the surreal absurdity.
On the drive home, she avoided Bens eyes, but noticed how gently he chatted to Lucywho sang away like a lark, giddy with excitement. By their block, Lucy quieted.
Will I see you again?she asked Ben quietly, glancing between him and Sarah.
She felt both their eyes on herthe old question, her permission. Could have shut it down with a brisk no, Lucy, its not polite, but her daughter looked so forlorn she caught Bens look, nodded.
If your mum says yes, maybe I could take you to see a cartoon at the cinema next weekend? Ever been?
Really? Never! Mum, can I go to the film with Dad?
Sarah, mortified, burst out herself.
Right. Lucy, yes, under two rules. One: dont call Ben Dadthats not right for a stranger, call him Uncle Ben, okay? Two: Ill come with you. What do I always say? Dont go anywhere with people you dont know, however lovely they seem.
I told her that too,Ben jumped in.The dont go off bit.
So can I go?
Ive just said yes.
Yay!!!
Sarah knew she should put an end to this nonsense, but she couldnt. Lucy was her entire world. Itd be handy to talk all this over with her own mum; Sarahs memories were hazy, shed died when Sarah was fivesame age as Lucy now. Sarahs mum had rescued a boy whod fallen through the iceeveryone else hesitated, she rushed in. Saved him, but caught pneumonia, burned out in a weekdiabetes, brittle health. Lucy inherited that same conditionjust another worry for Sarah.
All week she agonised, but it turned out finethe weekend Ben turned up for the cinema trip lugging his mum along.
Just so no one thinks Im a nuttermy mum can vouch for me,he grinned.
Hes absolutely crackers,his mother interjected, but with such warmth you saw she adored him.
While Ben fetched popcorn for Lucy, his mum pitched him to Sarah.
Can I just saycall me JanetI raised Ben solo, no dad. Four marriages, last one was perfect! Bens just like him. Fate had other plansmy husband only got to see Ben hours before a heart attack. I delivered early, dont know how I coped. My earlier husbands helpedfirst one still loves me, second team bats for the other side, third just too fond of the ladies. Good blokes, all tried to be Bens dad, but its never quite the same. He empathises with Lucythey bullied him for having no father too. Poor boy, did anything to prove himself, nearly got himself killed once showing off
Janet was fascinatingpetite, wiry, purple hair, a Chanel suit and a Marian Keyes novel. Sarah found her brilliant company.
Bens not scheming, love, just soft-hearted,Janet winked.Bit taken with you as well, I reckon.
Sarah flushed. This was just what she didnt need! But she felt sorry for Lucy.
After the film, Sarah tried to hand Ben money for the tickets, but he shook his head.
If I invite a lady to the cinemaI pay! Old school, I know.
Sarah didnt love thatshed gotten used to managing for herself, not relying on anyone. As for Janets hintno, that was daft.
When Ben dropped them off, Lucy piped up:
Dad, wherell we go next time?
Lucy!Sarah barked.
Lucy stifled a giggle behind both hands.
I reckon we could visit the Natural History Museum,Ben said, ignoring the slip.You keen?
Yes! Mum, can we go?
Go on without me,Sarah replied coolly.Take Janetshe always says she loves butterflies.
She hopped out first, eager to end the awkwardness. As Ben helped Lucy out, she overheard him whisper:
When your mums not listening, you can call me Dad.
And that was how Lucy found her Sunday Dad. Sometimes Sarah joined them on outings, sometimes she let Lucy go alone if Janet tagged alongshe still rated Ben as a random weirdo, however much Lucy raved afterwards about his jokes and fun. Sarah couldnt help feeling the buzz herself, tried to stifle it. Life wasnt a fairytaleno one just rolls up on a white horse. Janets effusive praise just made Sarah wonder if something was off. Why would such a clever woman push her son toward a nobody?
Gradually, though, Sarahs heart softened. Ben was unfailingly gentleleft her chocolates on the hall table, always checked with her before inviting Lucy, sought her glance in the car. But what Sarah liked best was Janetif Ben wasnt her son, Janet would be her top confidante.
One day, Ben rangsomething about another cinema trip. Lucy popped up straight away, whispering:
Is it Ben?
And plopped down beside Sarah, gleeful.
Of course, Lucy will be thrilled,Sarah replied by habit.
Hang onI’m inviting you, not just Lucy. As injust us two. Like together.
Janet called out in the background:
Finally!
Mum! Stop eavesdropping! Oh, Sarah, sorryshes always got her ear to the door
Lucy whispered: He asked you to the cinema?
Sarah laughed.
Everyones got their ears out today! Look, Ben
Please dont say no! Give me one chanceI promise, Ill be a proper gentleman.
Tell her the thing about her eyes, Ben,Janet piped in.What you told methe way they look just like her mothers
Sarah felt cold water splash her facewait, what?
Ben shouted something at Janet, and then spoke gently:
Sarah, Ill come over and explain. May I?
She could do with an explanation. Sarah paced until Ben arrived, Lucy drawing quietly in the corner.
I should have confessed straight away,Ben began.Butyoure lovely, and I didnt want you thinking it was just because of your mum. I was terrified youd hate me, really Because sheyour mumdied saving me.
He rambled, jumping from topic to topic, looking at her with pleading eyes. Sarah shivered, just like before.
Will you forgive me?
She barely managed a whisper:
I need to think.
Mum, forgive Dad
Ben shot Lucy a remember the rules look, then gazed at Sarah again.
Im sorry, I just need more time. Need to sort it all out.
She wanted to ask a thousand things, but couldnt find the words. Janet, however, filled in the blanks over the phone.
He didnt know shed diedI kept it hidden, he was just a little boy. Then it slipped out, and Ben wanted to find you. That day, he meant to say hello, offer help, but Lucy happened first then you. He fell for you at first sight! Afraid youd take it wrong. Seehe was showing off, trying to prove he was brave, even with no dad. Everyone else was scared of the ice, but he went ahead and
Janet didn’t pressure Sarah, just passionately defended Ben. But Lucy didshe pushed hard!
Mum, hes lovely! And he loves youhe told me! He can really be my dad, for real!
Sarah understood. But it all felt a bit wrong.
A month went by, she couldnt bring herself to call Ben. Ignored his texts, let the days drag. The longer she hesitated, the more she realised she wanted to ring himbut it seemed impossible.
Lucy woke her up one night, sobbing, clutching her tummy. Shed complained yesterday, Sarah had blamed bad yogurt. Now Lucy was burning with fever, no need for a thermometer.
Hands shaking, Sarah rang 999and, for some reason, she rang Ben.
He arrived with the ambulance, hair wild, pyjamas on, eyes red. Rode with them to the hospital, soothing Lucy and Sarah as best he could while his own voice wavered.
Peritonitis isnt too scary,he kept repeating.Shell be fine, I promise!
Sarah clung to his handmaybe to calm him, maybe for herself. The waiting room was chillythey hadnt brought coats, so they sat close, keeping each other warm.
Ben rushed to the doctor, desperate for news. Sarah just sat, petrified. If anything happened to Lucyshe wouldnt survive it.
But Lucy pulled through. The doctors were brilliant, Lucy fought hard; the consultant said it had been critical.
Its like shes got a guardian angel,the doctor told them, and Sarah whispered, thank you, Mum.
Ben thanked the doctor a hundred times, but they were sent home; doctors ordersLucy was in the ICU, her parents needed rest.
He dropped Sarah off at her building, and she half-expected him to ask, can I come in? but he didnt. So she said,
Its nearly morningwould you like to come in for coffee?
And realised, actually, she wanted him to come in. And stay. Forever.
Lucy recovered so quickly, all the nurses commented.
Its because Ive got a mum and a dad,Lucy announced.
No-one else understood why that made her so happyexcept Ben and Sarah.
