During the first years of marriage, we lived together just as normal as anyone else says Monica, aged 28. We both worked hard, saved up for the deposit on our mortgage. We never struggled with food. My husband ate whatever I cooked! I didnt fuss, I bought a slow cooker and made quick, simple meals porridge, stews, soups, and Ive never heard a single complaint. Well, sometimes my husband would tell me, wistfully, hed like something special…
What sort of special?
Pancakes with a meat filling, for example, or a cold summer soup, or homemade pies. He seems to have a real passion for complicated dishes that require several steps boiling, cooling, straining, mixing dough, cooking, chopping everything finely basically, spending the whole day by the hob. Oh, and dont dare buy anything ready-made, thats a strict no. Food should always be homemade.
Hmm. When did he start having these cravings?
Nearly two years after I went on maternity leave… To be honest, I dont enjoy cooking. But I always cook! My husband works at the office all day, earning for us. Its never the case that he comes home and theres no food on the table. Theres always something hot, and its not even just pasta and sausages. Still, its mostly straightforward stuff: potatoes and meat, chicken, soup, roast, salad. But my husband gets frustrated! He says, youre at home all day, surely you could make dough and homemade dumplings, or stuffed cabbage!
I see. Being on maternity leave, so they assume you have endless free time, and the fact that theres a child to care for, men tend to forget…
Yes, its not even about the baby! Our daughters absolutely golden, a real gift. Shes calm and easy, I can set her in a high chair in the kitchen, give her a bit of dough and shell sit contentedly for as long as needed. We sing songs and recite poems together. She never distracts me! Its simply that I dont want to waste my day doing this sort of thing. Especially as I wont eat these kinds of meals myself! Im on a diet, trying to cut down on meat and Ive ditched flour entirely. Am I supposed to make homemade dumplings just for my husband? Isnt that a bit much?
So, Monica and her husband get along well: her husband races home after work, isnt late, doesnt loiter, goes to the office Christmas party just once a year, and even then, not for long. He helps with their daughter, and does it willingly. He plays with her, gives her baths, and takes her out for walks.
But theres a catch: lately hes started craving pickles, and last week we had a real row over it, didnt speak for several days.
Honestly, my husband doesnt understand how difficult it is: to make dough, bake a dozen pancakes, fill them with meat? He feels hurt, thinking I only cook out of duty, because its easy. He doesnt think Im putting in effort, trying to please him, or give him a nice surprise…
I find it really hard! Monica complains. First you have to cook the meat, then make the dough, cook the pancakes, fill them… And since its not food Id eat, I need to cook something else entirely for myself and my daughter!
Monica believes nowadays, nobody makes old-fashioned pies, aspic, or stuffed cabbage rolls anymore. Maybe once a year, for New Years Eve. And even then, young people dont bother with elaborate festive meals. In daily life, if you really want a pie, you can just order it ready-made, although thats not cheap, especially when youre on maternity leave and have a mortgage to pay. Lets be honest, its not something you do every day.
Her husband always brings up his grandmother, who always smelled of pies and buns. She worked all her life, but managed everything, even with several kids.
Thats just it! Monica snaps. Women back in the last century simply had nothing else to do by evening. There was no telly, no internet. So they invented chores for themselves laundry, baking dumplings. Id much rather spend time with my child. Go for a walk, instead of standing at the cooker for three hours…
Recently Monica rang her mother-in-law, and, sounding rather patronising, she started saying the way to a mans heart is through his stomach, and it isnt hard to make whatever her husband wants. Clearly, my husband had already complained to his mum.
I told her I dont eat stuffed cabbage rolls so I dont want to make them! Then, of course, I got the typical well, back in my day… as if all men used to cook!
So, what about her foodie husband what do you think? If theres fresh, hot food at home, is it cheeky for him to ask for lots of variety every day? Should he eat what hes given and not make a fuss, and if he wants something special, make it himself?
Or should Monica be listening to her husbands culinary wishes?
