Dear Diary,
This morning I caught my mother, Eleanor, tending to the potted geraniums on the sill. Suddenly my daughter, Poppy, burst into the sitting room, looking like shed just run a marathon.
Mom, are you on your own today? she asked, breathless.
I chuckled and replied, Shouldnt you first say hello and ask how Im feeling?
Oh, hello, Mum. How are you? Im a mess, and wheres George? Hes not here?
Im as fit as the passport saysofficial paperwork, you know how it is. And George? Hes off believing in the Almighty now.
Where did he go?
Put your thinking cap onwhere does a man go on Saturdays? I teased.
In church, of course, she guessed.
I hope its the church and not a chat with some lady about God, I laughed. What wind blew you to think youre not grateful for the blessings?
Oh Mum, I cant take it any longerIm leaving George!
Sweetheart, your George isnt the worst husband in the world. Do you really think therell be a line of suitors waiting for you? Hes not exactly a catch, but hes not terrible either. Youll be the queen of the kitchen, thats for sure!
Why are you so fond of him? Do you think he loves you?
Does a sour beetroot mean the soups bad? I know my daughter, and a wife like you would make even the best mother-inlaw turn green with envy. You could drive anyone round the bend!
Mum, as they say, the apple doesnt fall far from the tree, Poppy said with a sly smile.
And another says, Every family has its odd one out, I retorted, sticking out my tongue and winking. Stop ripping at my sore heart and get to the point!
Fine, heres the deal: were heading to a birthday party tonight. I want to give fifty pounds, and hell say, Blimey!
Is he wrong? Why blind people with riches? Take six crystal goblets and go.
Judgment, eh? Who needs goblets nowadays? Everyones got them already!
Im no judge, dear, just a culture officer. I cant even remember how many years Ive been selling circus tickets, but its always been a hit. If they dont need goblets, theyll sell them to someone elsetheres plenty of business!
Poppy glared at me, clearly upset. Just then a man in his forties, my brother-inlaw Harold, entered.
Why is the door open? Good morning, Mum!
Oh, Harold, youre here! Hungry? Ive got a splendid troutfingerlicking good. I made it especially for you. If youd not come, I wouldve sent George to fetch it for you!
What about me? Poppy snapped, offended. You didnt even offer me a bite!
Darling, Im sorrytheres plenty for you too. I was just overjoyed to see George! Ive been telling the neighbours what a golden soninlaw I havebetter than any son! Listen, Harold, I want you to know Im on your side. Your wife has driven me mad, but Im saying youre right! Will you eat in the kitchen or shall I bring it here?
Thanks, Mum. We just had breakfast, Im not starving, and thank you for the supportotherwise Id have nothing to prove to my wife. Ill stand my ground, come what may!
You know, Harold, she isnt such a bad wife. Shes sung my praises, told me how wonderful you are, and I love you like my own son. You know that, dont you?
Poppy sipped water and choked a little on my words. George came over and wrapped his arm around his wife.
Didnt expect that, did you? I thought youd be whining, he said.
Its nothing, she just ran off to consult someone. Anyway, Ill let you in on a secret: Dina wants to cook you something tasty, but I wont tell you what. We argued like two housewives! And as a gift she mentioned you havent decided yet, so I said youre right.
Poppy listened, eyes wide with amazement, then smiled.
Mum, thank you. Ill remember everything you said. If I forget, Ill give you a ring. We should be off.
Not yet. Until you take the trout for George, I wont let you leave!
Just for George? Youve forgotten about me again?
Oh, my foolish head! You know hes my number one, then you, I replied, smiling and shrugging apologetically.
Harold beamed. Eleanor slipped a trout wrapped in a striped towel into a waterproof bag and handed it to him.
Here you go, enjoy, and make sure you finish it all, or Ill be cross!
Thank you, Mum. Youre a true friend. Lucky me with a motherinlaw! Harold said, taking his wifes arm. Shall we, Dina?
Yes, Ill catch up later and say goodbye to Mum.
George left, and I turned to Poppy, whispering, Mum, youre a brilliant actress! The Royal Opera would weep for you. How did you leave Dad without a penny?
My dear, I dont want you shedding tears over me, so George and I will share the trout next time. Remember, for a house to run smoothly, you must play a little part of the stage.
Lesson learned: a family runs best when everyone knows when to act and when to listen.
