Dear Diary,
This morning I was in the kitchen, watering the ferns on the windowsill, when my daughter, Blythe, burst in, all flustered at twentynine.
Mother, are you alone? she asked, eyes darting.
I chuckled and said, Shouldnt you first ask how Im feeling before flinging your worries at me?
Good morning, Mum, she sighed, Im a mess. Wheres Dad?
Im as fit as the passport says I am, I replied, the law says Im alive. As for Dad, hes off praying now.
Wheres he gone? Blythe pressed.
Use your noggin, love. Where does he go on Saturdays? I teased.
To church, of course, she muttered.
I hope hes in the chapel, not chatting with some lady about the Almighty, I laughed. What wind has blown you to think its not Gods will?
Oh Mum, I cant take it any longerIm leaving Harold! she announced, voice shaking.
Harold isnt the worst husband on the block, I said gently. Do you think therell be a queue of suitors waiting for you? Not a chance. Well see how that works out.
She glared at me. Do you think he loves you?
Is it sour soup because he doesnt love you? I know my daughter; marrying a golden soninlaw can turn a mother into a hag. Youll drive anyone to the brink of madness!
Mum, as the saying goes, the apple doesnt fall far from the tree, she said with a sly smile.
And as they say, Every family has its odd one out, I winked, sticking out my tongue. Stop tearing my heart, dear. Speak plainly.
Listen, were heading to a birthday tonight. I want to give fifty pounds, and he says, Blimey!
And whats he got to complain about? Dont try to impress everyone with your wealth. Take six crystal glasses and be on your way.
Who needs those glasses now? Everyone already has them! she retorted.
Im not a judge, love; Im a cultural officer, I replied. I cant even recall how many years Ive been selling tickets to the circus. Its been a good run. If they dont need glasses, theyll sell them elsewhere. Plenty of business there.
Blythe stared at me, perturbed, when a man in his forties stepped in.
Why are the doors open? Good morning, Mum! he called.
My, look whos here! Harold, Im glad youre stopping by. Fancy a bite? Ive got a marvelous trout, the kind youd swallow whole. I prepared it just for you. Had I not seen you, Id have sent your father to fetch it!
Did you forget to offer me? Blythe snapped, hurt.
Sweetheart, Im sorry. Theres enough for you too; I was just thrilled to see Harold. I tell the neighbours what a golden soninlaw I havebetter than any son! Listen, Harold, come over; I want you to know Im on your side. Your wife drove me a bit mad, but I think youre right. Want it in the kitchen or should I bring it here?
Thanks, Mum, Harold said, we just had breakfast, Im not hungry, but I appreciate the support. My wife will never get a word from me if I dont stand my ground. He squeezed Blythes hand.
You know, Harold, she isnt a terrible wife. Shes spoken highly of you to me, praised you, and I love you like a son, I added, wiping a tear from my cheek.
Blythe took a sip of water and started to choke on it.
Harold approached and wrapped his arm around Blythe.
Didnt expect that, did you? he murmured, smiling.
Oh, she ran off to consult someone, didnt want to speak. But heres the secret: Dina wants to make you something tasty, but I wont say what. We were arguing like two housewives! She even mentioned the gift, and I told her you were right.
Blythe listened, eyes wide with surprise, then managed a weak smile.
Mum, thanks Ive memorised everything you said. If I forget, Ill give you a ring. We should be off now.
Not until you fetch the trout for Harold, I said, refusing to let her leave.
Just for Harold? Have you forgotten about me again?
My absentminded self, I laughed, you know hes my number one, then you. I gave a guilty shrug.
Harold beamed, and I wrapped a striped towel around the trout, slipped it into a waterproof bag, and handed it over.
Here, have a good bite, and make sure you both finish, otherwise Ill be cross! I warned.
Thank you, Mum, Harold said, patting my hand. Youre a true friend. Lucky me to have a motherinlaw like you. He took his wifes arm and headed out. Come on, Dina, lets go.
Blythe lingered a moment, then whispered to me, Mum, youre a brilliant actress! The West End would weep for you. How did you leave Dad without a cent?
I dont want you crying over every little thing, I replied, so Dad and I will share the fish another day. Remember, dear: to keep peace at home you sometimes have to play a little part yourself.
Lesson learned: Even the most stubborn hearts soften when you sprinkle a bit of theatre into everyday life.
