Sarah was washing the dishes in the kitchen when John walked in. Before entering, he switched off the kitchen light.
Its still light enough out. No need to waste electricity, he grumbled.
I was going to put a wash on, Sarah said quietly.
Do it tonight, John replied curtly. The electricitys cheaper at night. And dont turn the tap on so hard. You use far too much water, Sarah. Far too much. Youre just pouring our money down the drain. Can’t you see that?
John turned down the water pressure. Sarah looked at her husband with a sense of hopelessness. She turned the tap off, dried her hands, and sat at the kitchen table.
John, have you ever looked at yourself from the outside? she asked.
Every single day, thats all I do, John snapped.
And what do you see? Sarah pressed.
As a person? he asked in return.
As a husband and a father.
A husband like any other, John responded. A father like any other. Im normal, ordinary. No better or worse than the rest. Why are you at me?
Are you saying all husbands and fathers are like you? Sarah asked.
What are you trying to get at? John said. Do you want to start a row?
Sarah knew there was no going back. This conversation had to go on until he finally realised that life with him was sheer misery.
Do you know why youve never left me, John? asked Sarah.
And why should I? John replied, forcing a crooked smile.
Well, for a start, because you dont love me, Sarah said. And you dont love our children either.
John opened his mouth to object, but Sarah interrupted.
Dont bother denying it. You dont love anyone. Lets not waste time arguing. That’s not even my main point. I want to talk about why you havent walked out on us.
So why, then? John asked.
Because youre tight-fisted, Sarah answered. Your stinginess is the only reason. For you, John, leaving us would just mean a huge financial loss. How long have we been together? Fifteen years? What have those years brought us? Other than being married and having children, what have we actually achieved in fifteen years?
Theres still plenty of life ahead! John declared.
Not all of it, John. Thats exactly the point, Sarah said softly. Weve never had a proper break by the sea, even. Not once. Forget all those foreign holidays we havent even gone anywhere in England. Every holiday, we spend here in town. We dont even go out to the woods for mushrooms. Why? Because its too expensive.
Because were saving, John said. For the future.
We? Sarah raised an eyebrow. Or is it you whos saving?
Its for your sake, for the children, John insisted.
For us? Sarah asked, her voice steady. Are you telling me youve been stashing away your wages and mine every single month for fifteen years for our benefit?
Who else? Thanks to me, do you know how much weve saved up?
We? Sarah repeated. You must mean you. Maybe theres something in your account, but not in mine. But perhaps Im missing something. Let’s check. Give me some money, please, so I can buy new clothes for myself and the children. Ive been wearing the same things I got married in for fifteen years, plus what your elder brothers wife passes down. The same goes for the children; always the cousins old clothes. And most importantly Im going to get us a separate flat because Im tired of living with your mother.
Mums given us two rooms, John said stiffly. Youve no right to grumble about her. And as for the children’s clothes why spend money on rubbish like that? My brothers kids have outgrown theirs. Fits ours just fine.
And for me? Sarah replied. Whose old clothes do I wear? Your brothers wifes?
Who are you dressing up for? John said. Its ridiculous. Youre a mother of two, youre 35! You shouldnt be worrying about clothes.
What should I be worrying about, then? Sarah asked quietly.
The meaning of life, John replied grandly. That theres more to the world than clothes and womens bits and bobs. Higher things things of true value.
And whats that supposed to mean? Sarah was baffled.
Spiritual growth! John declared. The really important stuff. Rising above all this nonsense about clothes or flats.
I see, Sarah said. So you keep all the money in your account for our happy future so we can grow spiritually, is that right?
Because you lot cant be trusted! John shouted. Youd spend it all in a flash. And what would we live on, if something happened? Have you thought about that?
And what will we live on, if something happens? Sarah echoed. Good question! But tell me honestly when will we start actually… living, John? When? Dont you see that were already living as if your in case something happens has already come true?
John said nothing, glowering at Sarah.
You scrimp even on soap, loo roll and napkins, Sarah continued. You bring home soap and hand cream from the factory, because they give it out there.
Penny saved is a penny earned, John said frostily. Its the little things. Why waste money on expensive nonsense?
So how much longer must I endure this? Sarah asked, frustrated. Ten years? Fifteen? Twenty? How long will you keep saving before we can actually live like normal people? And buy decent loo roll? Im 35 already surely the time hasnt come yet?
John didnt answer.
Let me guess, Sarah went on. Forty? Will we finally start living when I hit forty?
Again, John was silent.
Of course not, silly me. Who starts living at forty? Thats still young. No, lets see… fifty, then! Will fifty do?
Still nothing.
Too soon, obviously, Sarah said with mock understanding. And what if something awful happens because we splurge on nice loo roll? Youre right fifty is too soon. Sixty, then? Maybe at sixty we can begin? Imagine how much money well have by then! Can I buy the kids and myself some clothes then, at least?
John still said nothing.
You know, John, Sarahs voice trembled slightly, what if we dont make it to sixty? Honestly, it could happen. We eat rubbish because you refuse to spend; all that cheap food you can only eat in big amounts. You ever think that might not be healthy? But thats not the main thing. Were always in a foul mood. Havent you noticed? People in bad moods dont live long, John.
If we leave Mums and spend on food, we wont be able to save, John said coldly.
We wont, Sarah agreed. Thats exactly why Im leaving you, John. Im tired of saving money. You enjoy counting every penny. I dont.
How will you cope? John gasped.
Ill manage. At least no worse than now, Sarah said. Ill rent a flat for me and the kids. My salary is just as good as yours. Itll easily cover rent, clothes, and food. Most of all, I wont have to listen to your endless lectures about saving gas, water, and electricity. Ill use the washing machine in the daytime, not at midnight. I wont worry if I forget to turn off a light in the kitchen or bathroom. Ill buy the best loo roll, and always have napkins on the table. And Ill shop for what I want, without waiting for sales.
But you wont be able to save a thing! John exclaimed in horror.
Why not? Sarah smiled. Ill put away your child support for the kids. Although youre right I wont. But not because I cant. Because I dont want to. Ill spend everything. Including your maintenance. Every last penny. Ill live from paycheque to paycheque. And Ill bring the kids to you and your mother on weekends. Imagine the money Ill save, John. While theyre at yours, Ill go to the theatre, restaurants, exhibitions. And come summer, Ill go to the seaside. I havent decided where yet, but I will once Im finally free from you.
John was dizzy with panic. He wasnt afraid for his wife or his children, not really. He was scared for himself. He was already calculating how much hed have left after paying maintenance and supplying for the childrens weekend visits. But most terrifying of all was the thought of Sarah spending his money on seaside holidays on what he considered money thrown carelessly to the wind.
I almost forgot the most important thing, Sarah continued. Well split the account. The one with all the money saved.
How do you mean, split it? John asked, bewildered.
Fifty-fifty, said Sarah. And Ill spend my share too. However much it is after fifteen years, Ill use it all. Im not saving for some fantasy life, John. Im going to start living now.
John sat there, lips moving, but no sound came out. He was paralysed, unable to even think straight by the horror of what hed just heard.
You know what I dream about, John? Sarah said finally. I want, when my time comes at the end, for there not to be a single penny left in my name. Then Ill know for sure, I spent everything I had on myself, in this life.
Two months later, Sarah and John were divorced.
