We were both 22 when we parted ways. One afternoon, he looked me in the eye and said he didnt feel the same anymore, that he needed something different.
Just a few days later, I heard from one of our mutual friends. She rang me up and asked,
Is it true hes seeing an older woman?
I had no idea what she meant, so she sent a picture. There he was, sat in a pub, arm draped across a woman who looked old enough to be his mum. It wasnt a rumour, it was plain as day. From then on, whenever someone asked, I didnt make anything upI told them straight: hed left me for someone many years his senior.
That was the start of it all.
A week or so later, a friend messaged me on WhatsApp:
Hey, are you okay?
I asked her why. She replied,
Well hes been saying odd things about you.
I couldnt make sense of it and pressed her to explain. Thats when she told me what hed been telling others: that I didnt shower, that my underarms smelled, that my breath was foul, and that hed spotted headlice once. I just froze, staring at my phone, not knowing what to say.
But it didnt stop there. More and more comments kept cropping up from others. Another friend phoned to say hed recounted these things at a party, laughing, in front of a bunch of people. Hed actually said,
You lot have no idea what I had to endure.
And when someone asked why he hadnt left me earlier, he answered,
Unfortunately.
Suddenly, I felt the stares. Folks who used to greet me like normal now looked at me oddly. One colleague, whod always been a bit catty, handed me a can of deodorant just in case. I was shocked at how quickly one lie could spread. Hed said it oncethen repeated it, fuelled it, embellished it.
I decided to message him. I kept it brief:
Why are you saying these things about me?
He wrote back hours later:
You started lying about me first.
I told him Id only ever said the truththat he left me for an older woman. He replied,
Thats nobodys business.
He never denied the things hed said about me. Never asked people to stop gossiping. Never corrected anyone. Just let the rumour mill churn.
All the while, he walked about town with her, but insisted nobody comment on the age gap. Meanwhile, I was collateral damage.
The relationship was finished, but the noise carried on for months. I had to change my social circle, stop going to certain places, cut out people whod bought into the nonsense he spread. He just got on with his life.
Often, its us women who bear the brunt when men feel insecure. Thats what I learned: in the end, the hardest thing is learning when to walk awayeven when your reputations been dragged through the mud. At least, I now know my worth isnt tied to what others say.
