What on earth happened here? Call your family and tell them to come clean up their mess, fumed Lily. Im not tidying up after them. Ive had enough of washing sheets every time your mates crash at our cottage. Theyve made it their second home.
Listen, Mum called earlier, her husband, James, mentioned over dinner. She and the relatives are planning a barbecue this weekend.
Good for her, Lily replied flatly. Let them go. Whats it got to do with us? Shed never warmed to her mother-in-law.
Well, they want to use our cottage, James explained, as if it were the most natural thing. They dont have one, and Ive got to be at the garage on Saturday. He shrugged. I told them we couldnt go, so Mum asked for the keys.
Lily had no choice but to agreea decision she instantly regretted. The following weekend, when they finally visited the cottage, she froze in horror. The place looked like it had been ransacked.
The strawberries had been picked, the floors were filthy, and a lone pot of congealed soup sat on the stove. The kitchen curtain had vanished. Lily couldnt fathom what had happened. James parents were in their sixties, for heavens sake.
She confronted him.
What on earth went on here? Ring your family and tell them to come sort this out, she snapped. Im not cleaning up after them. Im already fed up with washing sheets because your friends treat this place like a B&B.
Oh, stop making a fuss. Chuck it in the washing machine, hang it out, and be done with it.
Why dont you try that next time? Are you seriously happy with the state of our cottage?
But James never made that call. Lily gave him the silent treatment until they eventually made up. Theyd only been married two yearsa whirlwind romance, though lately, Lily wondered if shed rushed into it. No children yet.
Life plodded onwork, home, home, work. Weekends were for strolls or pub lunches with friends. Everything changed when Lilys mother suddenly remarried and moved to another town, leaving Lily the family cottage.
Overnight, James relatives developed an intense fondness for her. Suddenly, everyone wanted an invite. Apparently, sausages just taste better outdoors.
Relatives materialised out of thin aircousins, aunts, uncles, even James grandmotherall flocking to the cottage for riverside picnics and barbecues. And, of course, James mates.
They all stayed overnight. James cheerfully manned the grill. Lily was fed up, but she didnt want to sour relations. Still, something had to be done.
Now, weekends filled her with dread. When Lily and James married, his mother was already elderlyshed had James late in life. There was also his sister, Mary, ten years his senior. His mother, raised in the countryside, seemed to think everything was communal property.
She and Mary helped themselves to everythinglotions, shampoos, sponges, even Lilys slippers. Then, yet again, James mother called, asking for the cottage keys. This time, Mary wanted to take her boss for a relaxing barbecue.
And, as usual, no one asked Lily how she felt.
Well give Mum the keys, James said casually. He remembered Lilys reaction last time but didnt want to discuss it.
Lily knew she had to actand James wasnt on her side. Weighing her options, she rang her mother.
Ill handle it, her mother said briskly.
Twenty minutes later, she called back. Her sisterAunt Helenwould be visiting the cottage that weekend. Dont worry, love. Helens got it sorted.
Lily gulped. Shed always been slightly terrified of Aunt Helen. Childhood summers at her house had left an indelible mark. Yes, Helen knew how to lay down the law.
That evening, Helen rang.
Youve gone quiet, havent you? Shouldve called me sooner, she said. Now, how do you want this handledlightly terrifying or full-blown? She chuckled darkly.
Lily shuddered. Did you ever tell them the cottage was in your name? Helen asked.
I dont think so. They all assume its mine.
Dont fret, pet. Ill sort it.
On Sunday, James got an irate call from his mother. Have you sold the cottage? she shrieked. Wheres the money? Why werent we told?
Turns out, when Mary, her boss, and James parents arrived, they found a formidable group of five already grilling on the lawn.
Who are you? gasped Margaret.
More to the point, who are you? Helen replied, voice sharp as a knife. She strode forward. I own this cottage. Dont know you. Howd you get in? Where are your keys?
Silence. Mary stammered something about family and borrowed keys. Helen fixed her with a withering stare, and Mary faltered. Margaret wisely kept quiet.
The keys were confiscated. They were politelybut firmlytold to leave and not return. Any further intrusions, Helen warned, would involve the police.
From the other room, Lily heard Margaret screeching down the phone. James was baffled, unable to get a word in.
Give the phone to your wife, Margaret demanded.
James handed it over. That cottage isnt yours! Margaret declared.
Did you ever ask? Lily replied coolly. Or did you just assume everything was yours for the taking?
Do you realise Mary invited her boss? Theres layoffs coming, and she was trying to butter her up! If shes sacked, its on you!
How is that my fault? Helen owns the place. You didnt even ask me. Buy your own cottage if you want barbecues.
Im never setting foot there again, James muttered later. Neither will my family.
They had their first proper row. James sulked. Mary was sacked. Ill never forgive you for this, he spat. My family loved you, and you lied to us.
Lily suspected Marys sacking had nothing to do with the cottage. Strangely, she didnt feel guilty. She hadnt started this. Their marriage had hit a dead end.
Mum, I think Im divorcing James.
Your choice, love. Youre grown. Where will you live? Ive rented out my flat. You could stay with Helen.
Thanks ever so, Lily said dryly. Ill rent somewhere.
She filed for divorce, moved into a flat, and never went back to the cottage.
