When I think back to those days, I remember how I begged James for the car keys. James, could you hand me the keys, please? Mum needs to be taken to the doctors surgery straight away, I said, reaching toward my husband who was slumped on the settee. Ill be back in two hours at most, and Ill bring your darling home safe and sound.
He didnt even glance up from his mobile.
No, he replied.
What do you mean no? I lowered my hand. Its your day off, youre not going anywhere. Mums blood pressure is spiking, you know.
He finally set the phone down, looking at me with a weary sigh. I said no, so its no. A woman at the wheel is always trouble. Youll either nick someone, smash into a lamppost, or get into some other mess.
I moved closer, clenching my fists. James, what are you saying?
He shrugged. What else can I say? I still have three years left on the loan for that car. I wont gamble with my property. He buried himself back in his phone, signalling the conversation was over.
I stared at the top of his head, then turned and stormed out of the lounge, slamming the door behind me. In the hallway I fetched my phone and ordered a cab. The roundtrip cost me fifteen pounds. Mum apologised the whole way for the inconvenience, while I pressed my lips together tighter, thinking how effortlessly James could have solved the problem if he had wanted to.
When I got back, James was waiting in the hallway, a guilty look on his face.
Sorry, love, he began, I know I behaved badly. I didnt think about how badly Mum needed help. He tried to pull me into an embrace, but I stepped back.
Leave me be, I snapped.
Dont be angry, Emily, he pleaded. Im apologising! I know I was wrong.
I passed him without a word, heading for the kitchen. He trailed behind, still trying to make peace.
Shall we make a cup of tea? Or perhaps a glass of wine? We could talk calmly.
I switched on the kettle and began washing the dishes with such ferocity it seemed I wanted to crush the plates into dust. James lingered a few minutes longer before retreating to his room.
Two months slipped by in a strained silence. I answered James only when absolutely necessary, each reply terse. He made several attempts to broach reconciliation, but each time I met him with a cold wall of indifference.
One Saturday morning I was at the kitchen chopping vegetables for a stew. Rain pattered against the windows, and the flat held a quiet, almost cosy atmosphere. I turned on some soft music and let the cooking soothe me after a hard weeks work.
A sudden knock at the door made me startle. I dried my hands on a towel and went to answer, puzzled by who could be calling at such an hour.
Mrs. Harper? I asked, stepping back a pace as a furious-looking woman in a red coat stood on the thresholdmy motherinlaw.
Youve lost all sense of decency! she erupted. You only think about dragging my son into debt! Do you care how hell manage from now on?
I blinked, bewildered, trying to grasp the situation.
Mrs. Harper, what are you talking about? What happened? I asked.
What happened? she turned fully toward me, eyes blazing with righteous anger. You smashed Jamess car! Now my son will be paying a loan for three years on a heap of scrap metal!
The floor seemed to drop from beneath me.
Mrs. Harper, Ive never been behind the wheel of Jamess car. Never! He denied me the keys when I asked.
Youre lying! she snapped. He told me everything! How could you have taken his car and then destroyed it!
Just then, footsteps echoed from the hallway and James appeared. Mrs. Harper rushed to her sons side.
She wont even confess! James, darling, how will you live now? Three years paying for a wrecked car! No car, no money!
I looked at James, hoping he would clear things up. He only lowered his head and gave a barely perceptible nod.
James? my voice came out hoarse. Tell Mum the truth. Tell her I never took your car.
He stayed silent, staring at his slippers.
When exactly did I supposedly smash your car? I asked Mrs. Harper, my tone taking on a metallic edge. Give me the exact date.
She triumphantly produced her phone. Here, Tuesday at two oclock! I have the whole conversation with James saved! Look! She thrust the device under my nose.
I replayed the Tuesday in my minda work conference from seven in the morning until nine at night.
Tuesday? I laughed, and the sound made her fall silent. I was on a field conference all day on Tuesday.
Her face turned confused.
But James said
James lied, I said, stepping toward my husband. Isnt that right, love? Tell us the truth. Who actually broke your precious car?
James lifted his head, his cheeks flushing.
Mum, Im sorry. Im the one who broke the car, he stammered, voice trembling. I didnt want you to be upset and think I was useless. I thought if I blamed Emily, youd forgive me
You threw the blame onto an innocent woman! I felt a surge of fury rise inside me. And turned Mum against me too!
Mrs. Harper sank into a chair, her face paling.
James, how could you? Why would you lie? Why? she asked, her voice cracking.
Mum, you know Im hopeless at driving. Remember when, at eighteen, I scratched Dads car? You didnt speak to me for a week, James tried to take her hand, but she pulled away.
So you decided to pin it on Emily? Mrs. Harper rose slowly. Youre a grown man! How can you shift responsibility onto a woman?
I stood with my arms crossed, watching the family drama unfold, my anger slowly melting into exhaustion and disappointment.
You know what, James? When you refused to give me the car to take my mother to the doctor, I thought you were a selfish miser. It turned out you were even worsea coward, I said.
Emily, please, dont James reached for me.
Stop! I raised my hand. Dont. You were ready to ruin our marriage just to avoid admitting fault to my mother.
I wanted to be honest, I really did! I just didnt know how to start
You didnt know how to start? I laughed, though there was no humour in it. Im sorry, Emilythats how honest conversations begin.
Mrs. Harper suddenly turned to her son.
James, do you understand I thought poorly of Emily? I saw her as selfish and irresponsible! And now I see she had nothing to do with it!
Mum, Ill change, I
Change? I walked to the window and looked out at the grey, rainy day. How will you change what I now know about you? That in a moment of need youd rather blame me to keep yourself dry?
A heavy silence fell over the flat.
Emily, James called softly, what now?
I did not turn.
I dont know, James. I thought Id married a man I could rely on. It turns out hell throw me under the bus the first chance he gets.
You love me! he pleaded.
Love? I finally faced him. A person who loves you doesnt behave like this. A loving person doesnt make the one they claim to love suffer for their own peace of mind.
Mrs. Harper rose from her chair and approached me.
Emily, Im sorry. Im sorry I believed the lies, that I shouted at you. I was wrong.
Mrs. Harper, you acted as any mother wouldprotecting her child. I bear no grudge against you, I said, a hint of sympathy flickering in my eyes. But towards James I have serious grievances.
Do you have grievances against James? she asked quietly.
Yes, I do, I confirmed. Very serious ones.
James sprang up, rushing to his wife.
Emily, tell me what to do. Ill do anything for your forgiveness!
Now youre ready to do anything, I said, stepping away from his touch. Youve already lied once and shifted blame onto me. That shows your true nature, James.
Ill change! he insisted.
People dont change in a day, especially those capable of such treachery.
I moved back to the kitchen, leaving James and his mother to their uneasy reflections. Behind the door, muffled voices drifted. Mrs. Harper scolded her son for his behaviour.
I ran through possible courses of action. How could I go on with a husband like this?
There was no way. No matter how hard I tried, the memory would not fade.
I opened the internet on my phone and typed, How to get a divorce quickly? The decision was made
