28th April, Friday
This morning, seeing whom I had brought home this time, my wife laughed so heartily that our three kittens, drawn by the commotion, scurried over and hid behind her legs. The mother cat, spotting her little ones, wriggled free from my arms and began fussing over them with her tongue
As a driver for a modest delivery van, I spend my days hauling all sorts of odd little orders around Yorkshire. Our depot sits just outside Leedsa tidy place with a dozen identical vehicles, a car park, a canteen for a quick bite, and a device on the wall to sign us in and out.
I climbed into my van and cranked the tired old engine. It rattled on as usual, groaning and coughing its way to life. At lunchtime, I switched off the motor and was ready to join the lads at the tables when an odd little sound drifted up from under the bonnet.
It sounded like a belt whistling or something caught in the faneven though the van was off. With a sigh, and a glance at the other drivers already settled at their lunches, I decided to check. I lifted the bonnetand could barely believe my eyes. Perched atop the fan cover, right next to the radiator grille, sat a tiny black kitten, slick with engine oil, squeaking for all it was worth.
My knees went weak and my hands shook. Leaning against the side, I quickly imagined what might have happened had the little thing gotten caught in the machinery while the engine was running. Gently, I picked up the kitten, wiped my hands on my jeans, closed the bonnet, and settled back behind the wheel.
At home, my wife let rip:
You silly man! Did you not think to look round before starting up? What if youd run the poor thing over? And next time, if it happens again, you can sleep in the sheddo you hear me?!
I tried to explain myself, raising my hands in surrender, while the kitten purred happily in her arms and was promptly whisked away to the bathroom. From in there came syrupy cooing, whispers, and smacking kisses.
I let out a heavy sigh. It dawned on me: I couldn’t recall the last time Id heard such affection directed toward myself. Realising my memory had failed me, I trudged out and headed back to work.
Next morning, wary from yesterdays surprise, I opened the bonnetnothing there. Then, crouching to check underneath, I spotted
There sat a ginger-and-white kitten! As soon as I bent down, the little fellow chirped and scampered toward me. I scooped up my second furry find and stood, dumbfounded, wondering where it all came from and what I was to do now. Remembering my wifes stern lecture, I turned the van for home.
This time, my wife didnt scold me. Quite the oppositeshe gave me an approving look and insisted it was, perhaps, the first genuinely sensible thing Id done in twenty years.
Well done! she said, and carted off the second kitten to the bathroom, with yesterdays black kitten following in her wake.
That day was a breeze. I felt oddly content, brimming with confidence. That evening, we dined as a foursomethe two kittens clearly favoured my wife, climbing onto her lap, scratching and tumbling about, while she laughed in a way I hadnt heard since our youth. It was for that laughter, I suppose, that I’d fallen in love with her all those years ago.
At sunrise, I crouched once more, peering under the van.
Oh, dear Lord, I breathed.
There was a third kittengrey, with snowy marks. I rescued that one, too.
That evening, my wife marched me off to a psychic, a healer, and a sort of expert in magic. After a thorough examination, the verdict came: two love spells, three curses, and a hex. The remedy? A month of work and five hundred pounds.
The next morning, approaching my van was nerve-racking. I chain-smoked, plucking up courage, and finally peered underneath. This time, I was met with the gaze of an adult grey cather teats hanging, clearly the mother of my three little finds.
What now? I muttered, resigned. What is it I’ve done wrong this time?
With a sigh, I opened the van door. The mother cat meowed and clambered in expertly.
When I carried the grown cat indoors, my wife laughed so joyously and infectiously that the three kittens, rushing at the racket, were startled and huddled behind her legs. The mother cat, thrilled to see her brood, slipped free and immediately set to grooming them.
I watched all this unfolding, genuine amazement washing over me.
Whats she up to, then? I asked my wife, trying to make sense of it.
You daft thing! she laughed. Hasnt it struck you yet? Shes simply settled her kittens, and found herself a home, too.
My wife bent down, gave the mother cat a gentle stroke and shook her head.
In all my life, she said, Ive never seen such a clever scheme. You need real feline cunning for that.
By weeks end, my wife announced Id be off on a fishing trip. I was gobsmackedjaw slack, eyes wide as saucers.
Go on, then! she said firmly. Im inviting the girls round. Dont get in our way, alright?
Right I mumbled, unsure whether to feel glad or put out. But really, my opinion hardly mattered in the moment.
Before I left, my wife came and gave me a kiss.
I always knew, she whispered, that you were a wonderful man.
I stepped out onto the front porch and looked around.
Dear Lord, lifes good! I whispered. How have I never really noticed?
Birds sang. Not just outside, but something seemed to sing inside me, too.
Soon, my wifes friends streamed in, each bearing a bottle and nibbles. When everyone was settled, the proud mother cat took centre stage on the table. They poured the fizz and raised their glasses:
To the wise matron, whos managed her brood and carved out her own life!
No one remembered what the toast was for after the second glass. The mother cat sprawled on the tablecloth, squinting contentedly. Anyone could see she felt loved, and she knew she was home.
On the sofa, the kittens snoozed close together, quietly snuffling.
So, whats the takeaway? My toast is simple:
Heres to all clever women, and to their husbands, lucky enough to live beside them.
And that, I wish for all of you.
Lesson learned: Sometimes, happiness comes when you take care of those around youoften in ways you never planned, and always with a little laughter.
