While our children and grandchildren squeezed into a modest little flat, my son-in-laws parents enjoyed their lives in a spacious, sunlit apartment.
My daughter married, and, sadly, we found little luck with our son-in-law and his family. Weve always showered our children with help and kindness, but none of it has ever been reciprocated. Its been eight long years since the wedding, and yet were still entwined with this familys indifference.
When the trouble with their living arrangements began, his parents made their stance perfectly clearnothing to do with them, none of our concern.
We had no choice but to move from our comfortable home to buy a flat for our children. I was reluctantwe had such a lovely, warm brick cottage. But what could we do? Our children needed a nest of their own, that was the most important thing. We refurbished it, furnished it, all without a hint of assistance from his parents.
Im still much involved with my grandchildren. My daughter is on maternity leave with the little one, and the eldest has just begun primary school, so I drive him each morning. Its unrealistic to expect my daughter to rouse one child, dress both, and get to schoolall in an hour! So, my husband and I take turns, both of us lending a hand in raising the grandchildren.
As always, my son-in-laws parents feign ignoranceas if this is none of their affair. I can’t help but wonder at such coldness from grandparents.
It has been this way from the very beginning. Imagine, refusing to give your son anything towards his wedding! I called them beforehand and suggested, Our children are getting married, lets meet and discuss things. Their reply? Well, what if theyre divorced within a month? You know, nowadays, most couples split up in the first half-yearstatistically!
In the end, it was my husband and I who arranged the wedding and gifted the newlyweds a flat, while they arrived at the festivities like strangers and slipped a measly £100 into a card.
Yet despite everything, my son-in-law still had requests.
Eight years ago, we bought them their flatjust a small studio, but more than enough for a pair. Now, with two children, space is tight indeed.
I believe my son-in-law ought to show more initiative. I told him, If you cant earn more yourself, perhaps your parents could lend a hand?
But he flat out refused. I could never ask that of them! he said.
So I offered, If it helps, I can have a word with them. He forbade me from ever mentioning it.
I was stunned. Its shameful to ask help of your own parents, but not to take from your wifes? For eight years now, Ive given and given, while he just sits by. How do others manage to buy homes, I wonder? I urge him: Youre young. Seize an opportunity. Find extra work, or perhaps try your luck abroad.
Hes treated my daughter the very same. She rings me now with her complaints, asking why I interfere. He tells her, In-laws cannot be changed; this is simply who they areno help from them.
It irks me deeply. There they are, living happily, off on retreats to Bath, and no one is allowed to utter a word. My son-in-law, it seems, forbids it. What a devoted son! And never a thought for his mother-in-law or father-in-law.
