Let me tell you why Im famously reluctant to leave my children with their grandmothers.
Im 31 and currently raising two daughters, ages 3 and 1. I dont have a paying jobIm a full-time mum by very deliberate choice! When I had my first child, I breezily assumed, with all the naivety one can muster, that the grandmas would, of course, help out in the beginning. As it turns out, they were far more of a headache than a helping hand and I ended up doing basically everything myself.
Allow me to explain:
After my eldest was bornespecially after we came homeI felt utterly helpless. I had no clue where to even start with this tiny human. All those things that now seem so basic after two children? Back then, they had me in a perpetual state of mild panic. Naturally, there werent any step-by-step guides tattooed inside my brain on how to change nappies or cut those alarmingly tiny fingernails!
For reasons I still dont understand, I figured the older generation, with all their experience, would just know how to change, bathe, feed, and generally keep a child alive. In reality, it became blindingly obvious their views differed drasticallyeven on something as basic as bath time!
But on the upside, I can now change a nappy like a magician pulling a rabbit from a hat.
I do love both my mum and my mother-in-law, really I doand these moments make me chuckle now:
Grandma 1 (thats my mother-in-law):
You should say a prayer over their water and only let the baby drink that.
Six months later, I just bought a Brita filter.
Make sure youre using the special grey soapthe baby MUST be washed with that. Works a treat on rashes, too.
Youre raising them all wrong; thats why they get ill (not sure whats supposed to be wrong, mind).
If she cries too much, you have to take her to see a spiritual healer; thatll sort her out.
Grandma 2 (my own mum):
Crying? Oh, shell get over it. Temperature? Give a Calpol and, Bobs your uncle, itll clear up.
You buy them far too many toys. Honestly, you need to rein it in.
Ill be round at 1 oclock sharp on Saturday to watch the girls, but I absolutely must leave by 4 to catch a film, and its the same every single weekend.
Sweet or salty foods? Quite alright for babies from about 6 months. If she grabs at it, might as well let her try, I say.
I adore my mum, but I do now have a few questions about how my siblings and I survived childhood!
Apparently, the way we were fed and treated (or, lets be honest, not treated at all) was interesting. We were left with Grandma quite a lot, where wed only ever get pasta the entire day; back at home, it was always something swimming in oil. My coughs were largely ignored until one of them turned into whooping cough, and now I suspect this is the grand origin story for my less-than-stellar pancreas and overworked liver.
All in all, I do really get on with both our grandmothers, but I just cant imagine trusting them with my children for more than a few hours and definitely never overnightunless I fancy a mild heart attack. Im not a complete paranoid, but Ill admitIm a bit scaredStill, I have to admit theres something unexpectedly comforting about all this well-meant chaos. Its proof that every mother, no matter how seasoned, is ultimately just making it up as she goes alongbecause love often looks ridiculous from the outside. Maybe my girls will someday laugh at the quirks Im passing down without realizing it: my obsession with precise bathwater temperatures, my horror at sugar after 5 p.m., my elaborate charts for every minor milestone.
One thing’s for certaingrandmothers keep life interesting. When I tuck my daughters in at night, I realize that the jumbled blend of odd advice, pasta-for-days, and endless opinions is its own strange inheritance. My kids might not drink prayed-over water, but theyre steeped in stories and surrounded by people who, for all their wild ideas, love them fiercely.
Maybe thats the real family tradition: we do our best, trust our gut, and laugh off the rest. And who knows? Perhaps, one day, my grown daughters will look at me in exasperation, trade knowing glances, and say, Well just leave her with the grandkids for an hourwhats the worst that can happen?
Honestly? I cant wait.
