Why should I pity you? You never pitied me, Emily says.
In the past year her mother falls ill frequently. While her mother stays in the hospital, Emily lives at home with her stepfather, Uncle Mick.
He, as always, works long hours: he leaves the house at seven in the morning and doesnt return until eight at night. So Emily feels as if she lives alone.
Michael gives her a few pounds each week so she can buy lunch at school. With the rest of the money she stocks up on pasta, buckwheat, potatoes, sometimes cheap sausages, and makes a simple dinner from those ingredients.
At the end of November, Emily comes home from school and finds her stepfather in the kitchen, elbows on his knees, staring at the floor. When she walks in, he lifts his head and says:
Emily, theres no more mother for us.
She says nothing and heads to her bedroom. She is thirteen, knows that a disease like this seldom lets people live long, yet she still hopes her mother will survive.
Together they had dreamed that Emily would finish Year 9 and enrol in a medical college. Her mother used to say Emily would become a wonderful nurse.
Dear, youre goodnatured; youll do well caring for sick children, she would tell her.
Emily doesnt cry; she sits looking at the bare birch branches that grow outside her window. Suddenly she feels utterly alone, as if there were no stepfather, no relatives, no school friendsonly an emptiness that fills everything around her.
The next day her mothers sisters arrive: Aunt Vera, Aunt Valerie, and Aunt Sylvia, who live in the countryside. The aunts wander through the flat, chat, pull out their sisters belongings from the wardrobe, and then spend the whole evening cooking in the kitchen.
Emily stays in her room. Aunt Vera brings a plate of mashed potatoes and a meatball, but Emily doesnt touch it.
Three other women and two men, whom Emily has never seen before, attend the wake.
Immediately after they sit down they start debating what to do with Emily.
Michael begins:
We werent married to Kate, we just lived together, so Im not really anyones father. We have to clear this flat in two weeksI cant afford a twobedroom flat on my own, Ill rent something smaller. So, relatives, decide who will take Emily in.
Silence falls over the room; everyoneboth the three sisters of the deceased and the two auntsjust stares.
Finally one aunt speaks:
Well, what do you think? Kate was your sister, Vera, so its your duty to look after her daughter.
Does that matter? We only called each other twice a yearfor birthdays and New Years. I have no idea who the girls mother is. Besides, I have three boys of my own; I have nowhere to put her.
Maybe you, Sylvia, could take her? asks Valerie. Youre struggling financially, but youd get a care allowance and a modest pension for the mothers death. Plus your daughter Christie is twelveshed have a companion.
No! Paul and I just moved in together. I told Christie to keep the noise down, and you want to impose a stranger on us, Sylvia says.
No, I dont need any money, Valerie replies. Why dont you, Sylvia, want to take Emily?
Im disabledthey wont let me, Valerie says. Im older than you all, it would be hard for me to look after a child.
They part without deciding Emilys fate. She sits in the next room, hearing the relatives bargain.
From this she realises that none of her mothers sisters show any interest in her. As they dress in the hallway, Aunt Sylvia says:
If this flat werent rented, if it were ours, we could have arranged something, but now youll lose more than you gain, with all the inspections and red tape.
By the time the flat must be vacated, Emilys future is set: she is placed in a local childrens home.
Handing her over to the care workers, Michael says goodbye:
Dont hold a grudge against me; our paths are parting now.
On her first day at the home a tall girl with a thick curl of dark hair approaches:
Are you new? she asks. Whats your name?
Emily, she replies.
Dont worry. Its not so bad here. There are decent carers and some who couldnt care less, but nothing truly awful.
Its only bad if youre alone, the tall girl says. Ive been here a month; lets stick togetheritll be easier. My names Lucy.
Are your parents dead too? Emily asks.
No, theyre alive, but I think theyll die soonthey never stop arguing. Their parental rights were taken away and they brought the four of us hereme and my three brothers.
Lucky you! Emily says. You have brothers.
Lucky for me, I suppose. The youngest, Wolf, is harmless, but the two older ones beat me, made me cook and wash when our mum couldnt stand.
How old are you? Emily asks.
Thirteen years and three months, Lucy answers.
I thought you were older.
No, everyone in my family is tallgranddad, dad, brothers.
Emily and Lucy stay together until they finish Year 9.
During that final year they often discuss their future.
Id like to go to medical college, Emily says one day. Mom and I dreamed of that. I just dont know if Ill make it.
Why not? Lucy replies. You get As in chemistry and biology; youll probably have only a couple of Bs on your transcript. And dont forget we have benefits, though youll get in without them too.
Did you decide to train as a chef? Emily asks.
As a pastry chef. I want to bake cakes and tartslight as clouds.
Remember when Aunt Natalie took us to that vocalensemble competition? We won a prize and were on TV?
Then we stopped at a café and Aunt Natalie bought us coffee and pastries. Their frosting was as airy as clouds.
Emily gets into medical college and becomes one of the top students in her cohort. In her final year she is allocated a small flat with basic fittings.
She is overjoyedafter years in the childrens home and a dormitory, she finally has a room of her own, a kitchen, and a bathroom she doesnt have to share.
She tries to make the flat cosy: she hangs light curtains, puts a flowering geranium on the windowsill, spreads a bright tablecloth on the kitchen table, buys two redandwhitespotted pots, and adds a few more pieces of crockery.
The flat looks modest, but its livable.
One day something happens that both astonishes Emily and makes Lucy laugh.
She has just finished her shift as a nursing assistant at the childrens hospital and is heading to the locker room when someone calls her name.
Its Aunt Sylvia, her mothers cousinthe same woman who once refused to take her in so Emily wouldnt disrupt her family life.
Emily, hello! Do you remember me?
I remember. Youre my mothers cousin.
I didnt know you were studying here. You see, Christie mentioned that someone named Emily Parker won a competition at your college!
There are many Parchers, but Emily isnt common. I came to see if were really related, Sylvia explains.
Im late for work, Emily says, moving toward the exit.
Sylvia walks beside her, continuing:
Emily, I heard youve been given a flat. I have a small favour: Christie is only in her second year, she still has two years left, and the flatmates in the dorm are rather troublesome.
Could she stay with you until she finishes college? Wed split the rent and bring groceries. Agree?
No, I cant, Emily answers.
But youve always been a kind girl! Dont you feel sorry for your sister?
Im not the kind girl I used to be. And I dont feel sorry for Christie! Was it not cruel to send me to the childrens home?
Why should I pity you now? Ive lived in the home and the dorm and survived. Youll survive too, and so will Christie.
At that moment they reach the bus stop. Emily steps onto the bus as the doors close.
Sylvia watches the bus pull away for a few minutes, then turns and walks back. Those who start poorly will finish poorly, she mutters to herself.
