Rain was drumming on the windowsill of the little twobedroom flat in Manchester. James watched the drops trace odd little patterns on the glass while, in the kitchen, the clink of dishes followed Emily as she washed the cups after dinner.
Tea? she asked.
Sure.
He knew the way she moved around the place, every step, every habit. Nine years together now almost a third of our lives. Wed met back on the second year of our journalism degree, living in the university halls.
Back then it was simple: lectures, latenight chats, that first shy romance with no grand gestures. We moved in early way too early, as Ive come to realise. There was never a proper courtship, no proposal just one day my stuff stopped going back to the halls.
Emily set a mug of mint tea in front of me and sat down beside me.
Mom called. She asked how the projects going.
What did you say?
That youre, as always, a perfectionist and that its moving at a snails pace.
I smiled. Her mum, Irene, has always been kind to me. She never asked about marriage or grandchildren, never hinted at any of that. Shes a wonderful woman. Even our friends cant help but ask, Why havent you two tied the knot? Today I ran into an old classmate, and he was in the same boat
Actually, I blurted out, I was thinking about Alan Rickman today.
Emily chuckled.
Again? Hes your benchmark.
No. Just hes a good example of a couple who stayed together for 47 years without any fancy labels, whereas some folks have a big wedding and split a year later.
True, labels dont guarantee anything. The stats are on your side.
Exactly.
Emily sipped her tea, staring out the window.
Lena from the accounts department is getting divorced third time. She swears each marriage will be the one that lasts.
And we havent even started, I said with a grin. And were still together.
Yeah. Still together.
I knew Emily sometimes thought about kids. She never said it outright, but I noticed her lingering at babyclothes displays, her smile when she watched toddlers in the park. I wanted that too just not now, not in this rented flat, not with my erratic freelance design gigs. Maybe someday.
Im scared of ending up like my parents, I said suddenly. You know how they spent their whole lives pretending to be a proper family for the neighbours, for the relatives, for me. In reality, they barely talked to each other.
Emily placed her hand on my palm.
Youre not your dad. And Im not my mum, though shes brilliant in her own way. Were just us.
But if we got married I fell silent.
If we got married, nothing would really change, James. Maybe Id get a new surname on my passport. Wed still argue over the dishes, still bingewatch cheesy series, youd still fall asleep on your laptop and Id still throw a blanket over you.
I looked at her the fine lines that had appeared around her eyes over nine years, the familiar birthmarks on her neck, the hands that I knew better than my own.
What about kids? I asked quietly.
Emily sighed.
Kids I dont know if I want them right now. Am I scared I wont have time? Sometimes. But if I ever wanted them, it would only be with you. And only if you wanted that too. No ultimatums, James.
She got up, gathered the cups.
You know what Lena told me at work today? She said shes jealous because were real. No masks, no games. Even without a wedding stamp.
We sat there listening to the rain.
A week later Emily met her younger sister, Millie, in a café. Millie had married two years ago and was now six months pregnant.
Hows life? Millie asked, cheekily devouring a slice of cheesecake. Sorry, Im eating like a maniac. This little one rules my world.
Same old, Emily replied, smiling. Work, the flat, James.
Millie set her spoon down, looked Emily in the eye.
Em, I wont pry, but have you two decided anything? Its almost ten years. Im with Simon now, weve been together for a year and a half, and everyone keeps saying were dragging our feet.
Were different, Mill. Were not dragging. Were just living.
But you want a family, kids? Millie placed a hand on her belly. I used to think I wasnt ready, but seeing those two little kicks that surge of love, that happiness Dont be scared. The mother instinct will wake up the moment a baby becomes real.
Im not scared of kids, Emily said gently. Nor of marriage. Im scared of doing it just because its time or because everyone else does. James and I have our own story. It might not look like yours, but its ours. And its real.
What if he never feels ready? Millie asked quietly. Sorry, Im just worried about you.
Emily reached across the table and squeezed her hand.
The scariest thing isnt that hes not ready. The scariest would be if he did it just to tick a box. Id feel that. But otherwise Im happy with him every day, even when we argue. Isnt that enough?
A tear glistened on Millies lash. Sorry, I guess its just hormones. I just want you to have the best.
Ive already got it, Emily laughed. Cheesecake, a sister, and James waiting at home.
A few days later James had a similar chat with his dad, Victor, whod turned up unexpectedly. They didnt see each other much, just brief calls on holidays. Victor scanned the modest flat, took a seat on the offered chair.
Hows it going, son? Mum sends her love.
All good, busy with work.
And Emily?
Shes at the office, should be home by seven.
An awkward pause. Victor fidgeted with the keys to his old Lada.
Listen, James I might be overstepping, but Mums worried. We saw on social media that Millies pregnant. Nice pictures.
James felt a knot tighten in his chest.
Dad, about marriage and kids
No, no, Im not Victor waved his hand, though the look said otherwise. Just Im looking at you two. Nine years. Thats serious. I I want to say youve done well, that youre not repeating our mistakes.
James lifted his gaze in surprise.
My parents got married because I was already on the verge of leaving. Then they spent their lives blaming each other: Because of you I didnt go to university, Because of you my career stalled. Silly, really. Were the ones to blame. A wedding stamp doesnt glue a cracked bond. Sometimes it even keeps people together longer than they should, until they finally hate each other.
Victor finally met his sons eyes, a weary honesty there.
Im not saying marriage is bad. Im saying you feel a big responsibility, and thats right. Its better to be honest than to play a perfect picture. Do you talk about this with Emily?
All the time, James exhaled.
Thats good. Just make sure youre on the same wavelength. The rest will fall into place or not. But the decision has to be yours, not because parents are waiting.
They chatted a bit more about work; Victor declined to stay for dinner, citing errands. As he left, James asked, Dad, do you ever regret?
Victor tugged at his coat, thought for a moment.
Regret marrying your mum? No. Regret how we all messed things up later? Yes, every day. Treasure what you have, son. A stamp isnt armor.
That evening James told Emily about his dads visit. She listened, hugging the couch cushions, then said, You know, Millie dropped by with her questions.
And?
And I told her Im happy, just as I am.
He pulled her close. Outside the rain began again.
Theres still something missing, she murmured into his chest.
What? he asked, his heart skipping.
Just for you to stop muttering in the night when you lose at online chess.
James laughed. Emily lifted her head, kissed him, and he realized their train wasnt stuck. It was moving, slowly but steadily, on a track they were laying themselves, day by day, conversation by conversation. The station called Forever might not be a point on a map, but the journey itself.
In nine years theyd weathered his depressive spells after botched projects, her night shifts, three moves, her mums illness, and hadnt broken.
Emily, he said.
Yes?
Thank you for being you.
She turned, giving that smile he loves most a little tired, but warm.
I love you too.
James walked to the window, watched the scattered city lights. He didnt know what the next year, five or ten would bring. He didnt know if theyd ever reach that mythical station people expect. All he knew was that tomorrow morning hed wake up next to Emily. https://clck.ru/3QdyeTAs the rain eased and the city lights flickered on, they smiled, knowing that the life theyd been quietly building together was already exactly the home theyd always dreamed of.
