When a wedding rolls around in a family, everyone acts as though The Event of the Century is taking place. Marriage seems to send a bolt of excitement (and just a touch of panic) through even the calmest relatives.
Odd, isnt it, how people always see the glittering edge of things? Even though every coin, as you know, has two sides.
Dont get me wrongIm not about to declare matrimony a frightful ordeal. Its just that, even today, many women still pin all hopes of happiness onto getting married and starting a family, as if its the only surefire way to a joyful existence. Quite often, young women dont realise what wedded bliss actually entails.
Their number one plan involves getting married, after which, apparently, all the puzzle pieces will magically fall into place.
Let me share a bit from my own life. I used to believe that if I married the love of my life and had our child, my days would overflow with joy and laughterId finally be top of the pops.
Unfortunately, marriage brought me a whole flurry of brand-new worries. We hadnt even got as far as setting aside cash for a mortgage before I found out I was expecting. I probably dont need to tell you, bringing a tiny human into Britain nowadays is no modest expenditure.
Initial excitement at the news was genuine. My husband was running his own business; meanwhile, I was on maternity leave, challenged by the fresh horror of financial uncertainty. Im not even talking saving for a home levels of uncertainty. Even motherhood itself proved quite the climbmy son was fretful, seemed to catch every bug possible, I was in a permanent state of sleep deprivation, and my nerves resembled the string in a broken tea bag. At times, I truly wondered if a midnight escape sounded dramatic, or just rational. Turns out, not every woman is born to be the anchor of a family sitcom.
If only Id realised this sooner. Our son was two when my husbands business collapsed. The man completely lost his spark (and, unfortunately, found solace in the bottle). Despair quickly led to evenings fuelled by gin and regret. There wasnt much to do except roll up my sleeves and try to salvage the mess. I whisked our toddler off to nursery, found myself not just one, but two full-time jobs, and staggered about trying to keep all the plates spinning, while my husband snored his cares away. It was so overwhelming and exhausting that sometimes I wanted to stand on the sofa and howl. If Id been on my own, honestly, I think Id have managed just finemoney, stress, mental health and all.
One day, I went round to see my mother-in-law, hoping shed have a word with her beloved son and prod him into behaving half decently. Blokes arent really supposed to drop their bundle and give up earning, are they? While I was there, I couldnt help pouring my heart outtold her straight that I was hanging on by a thread.
I naively hoped for sympathy, or at least something vaguely supportive. Instead, my mother-in-law delivered this gem: Look, youre not the only one with struggles. But you are a woman, and women just have to grit their teethnobody expects a woman to be weak.
After all, she carried on, its usually the fairer sex doing the emotional heavy liftingso just zip it when youre tempted to shout, and keep the tears on the inside. Whatever hand youre dealt, chin up and get on with it. Nobodys got time for complaints!
Honestly, youve never seen a heart pierced as quickly as mine in that moment.
Shes a woman too, and I know her life isnt easy. Her husbands hopeless, but instead of suggesting she and I rally together, she advised shutting up and soldiering on. But how much more is a person expected to endure? You get one go-round at life, and its meant to be enjoyed, isnt it? Of course, therell be obstaclesbut surely not like this. Surely, it isnt a womans destiny to be a martyr. She ought to be smiling and loved, at least most days.
