Youre better off than the rest, so your presents should match that, grumbled the mother-in-law.
It was a quiet evening in Bath, many years ago. Richard sank down onto the sitting room sofa beside his wife, Audrey.
What on earth shall we get your mother? I honestly havent the faintest idea, he pondered aloud.
Audrey sighed. Choosing a present for her mother-in-law had always been a tricky matter.
Relations with Edith Harris had been strained right from the beginning.
Richard understood his mothers coolness at once, so the couple agreed to keep their distance.
Neither owed the other anything. Their contact amounted to the odd phone call, and shared family gatherings only when both sides desired it.
This year, though, Edith decided to mark her milestone birthday with a grand party, inviting almost the whole family, including the young couple.
Oh, by the way, Mum said shed be happy with anything, Richard remembered suddenly.
She always says that, and then turns her nose up, said Audrey with a frown. Your sister can give her any old thing, but we cant!
Audrey remembered well how dissatisfied Edith always seemed with their presents.
Just think of last Mothers Day. What did we give her? A fancy set of cosmetics. How did she take it? With tears and accusations that we thought she was old and unattractive, Audrey sighed. Has she ever truly liked a single gift from us? Only jewellery or electronics, because the value is obvious to her.
Perhaps I should just ring her and ask outright, suggested Richard hesitantly.
Suit yourself, Audrey replied, shaking her head.
Richard dialled his mothers number, hoping she’d drop a hint for a suitable present.
Oh, son, I need for nothing. Simply seeing you is enough for me, Edith replied meekly.
Really, Mum? You wont be cross with us if we come empty-handed? Richard pressed.
No, of course not! Id be delighted with anything at all, she laughed, and so Richard decided to take her at her word.
Mum says we can give her whatever we like, Richard reported to Audrey.
Audrey gave her husband a doubtful look, unconvinced by her mother-in-laws words.
Still, since Richard insisted on choosing a gift himself, she relented.
Lets get her one of those robotic vacuum cleaners, then. She wont have to lug the hoover around anymore, Audrey suggested, having checked the budget.
And so they did. They bought Edith Harris a gift costing over a thousand pounds, and set off to the party in good spirits.
The birthday lady welcomed her son and daughter-in-law warmly, but her face clouded over as she spotted the gift box containing the vacuum.
Whats this for? she muttered, sighing deeply. Just pop it into the back room, love.
Audrey stood dumbfounded for several moments, unable to believe Edith didnt appreciate their gift.
Soon after, Richards sister, Lena, and her husband arrived. Lena threw her arms around her mother, exclaiming, Mum, this is for you!
Thank you, my dear! Youre simply wonderful! Edith cried, embracing her daughter.
Audrey was curious to see what expensive gift Lena had brought that delighted her mother-in-law so.
To her astonishment, it was nothing more than a common cosmetics set, likely no more than ten pounds from the chemist.
Audrey exchanged a questioning glance with Richard, who too had seen what his sister had given Edith.
Judging by Richards expression, Audrey could tell he was stung by his mothers reaction to their present.
For hours, Richard kept his composure, but when Edith praised Lenas gift one more time, he couldnt hold back any longer.
Mum, may I have a word? he called his mother aside.
What is it? she asked as she walked over. Is there some sort of problem?
Yes, Mum! Do you remember what you said about gifts? Richard asked, his tone tinged with reproach.
I do, yes.
Then why did you treat our present like it was nothing, but make such a fuss over that cheap set? Richard asked, wounded. And dont say Im imagining things.
I shant. You and Audrey have deeper pockets than Lena, so your presents should reflect that, Edith shrugged.
And what are we meant to give, exactly? Richards brow furrowed. Do we need to include the receipt alongside every gift to satisfy you?
Oh, here we go again, Edith responded, making it clear she wanted no more of the conversation. What am I to do if I simply prefer Lenas gifts?
Is it because you dont know what ours cost? Richard retorted. Well, for your information, it set us back over a thousand pounds!
That much? Edith exclaimed, feigning surprise.
But she quickly realised how to wriggle out of the awkward moment.
Do you know why I praise Lenas gifts more? Because they come from the heart, within her meansyou two buy gifts just to tick a box, Edith said unexpectedly.
Mum, are you serious? Richard ran a hand through his hair.
Do I look like Im joking? With your means, a nice spa holiday wouldve been far more thoughtful, Edith replied, holding her head high.
Richard was rendered speechless, staring at his mother for several seconds.
Do you really think money simply rains down on Audrey and me? Richard managed after a pause.
The argument drew both Audrey and Lena, who lingered in the doorway, taken aback by the family row.
Lena, quicker to understand than Audrey, immediately took their mothers side.
Mum never wanted a robotic vacuum; she wanted a humidifier. Her old one broke three days ago! If either of you cared about her life, youd have known, Lena scolded.
I asked about a present outright! Richard hissed through clenched teeth. Are you two making a fool of me? Thats itno more presents! We bend over backwards to please you, and all we get is criticism! The vacuum wasnt good enough; it should have been a humidifier! Apologies for not reading your mind! Come on, Audrey, were leaving!
Edith burst into tears, and as Lena tried to comfort her, Richard and Audrey left the house, expressions hard as stone.
Richard kept his word. Tired of buying tokens only to be ridiculed, he decided never to attend another family gathering, thus sparing himself future upsets.
