I was terrified I wouldnt recognise her. The last time Id seen Harriet, we were both fifteen; now we were thirty, and I could only imagine what shed become in that sleepy northern town.
Probably three kids and a husband who drinks too much, I thought, bitterly.
Why I was angry at Harriet was a mystery after all, Id been the one who left, not her.
When I turned up, people greeted me as if Id been a celebrity. It felt awkward. Harriet wasnt among the other alumni, and I told myself it was better that way: what a foolish nostalgia, I didnt need her anyway!
Then I saw her.
Harriet had slender hands with blueveined wrists, a sharp little face like a foxs, and fluffy light hair that was always cropped short, sitting on her head like a flattened dandelion. She looked strikingly beautiful, and one day I blurted out, What a lovely Harriet
My old classmate, Tommy Brown, laughed and said, Youve got a way with words! Look at Clara her hair is long and her skin smooth. Harriets a bit pimpleprone and pale as a moth.
Sure enough, Harriet had a few tiny blemishes, but to me they didnt mar her at all. I gave in to Tommys teasing, Yeah, maybe.
I had no idea how to befriend Harriet. Girls no longer chatted with boys as they used to, and if I simply walked up and started a conversation, Clara would be the first to tease me about a boyfriend or a bride.
Tommy sparked an idea when he invited the lads over for his birthday. His flat wasnt as spacious as mine, but it was cramped and lively: his mum invented charades for us, then we played with the Transformers the class had given us, and I was the biggest one.
Mum, I said the day before the party, can I invite the whole class?
The whole class? Mum gasped. Where will we put them?
Please, Mum!
Everyone will probably turn up anyway, Dad called from another room. Just set up a buffet table, let them make a mess they wont be sitting at a proper table.
What about the relatives?
Well see them another day, Dad suggested cheerily. And well need a tablecloth, napkins and seven dishes
That settled it. I feared Harriet would refuse, especially because shed have no money for a gift. Everyone knew she came from a large family, her mother a librarian, her father an alcoholic, sweets only on holidays, and jackets handed down from an older sister. So when I approached Harriet to ask her to my birthday, I rattled off:
Id like a favour could you sketch a cover for a record?
She didnt understand, so I explained that my dog had torn the original sleeve and only a plain white one remained, which I hated.
Dont you have a turntable? she asked distrustfully, because everyone knew my father owned a chain of restaurants in town, and they certainly had the newest appliances, not antique record players.
Yes, we do, I waved it off. But I love vinyl. Will you draw it?
Harriet was a topclass artist; her work often hung not only in school exhibitions but also in the local gallery.
Fine, she agreed. Ill do it.
At the birthday, while half the boys were on the console and the other half watched a film on the VCR, I showed Harriet, Mike and two other girls whod followed us a little too eagerly the record player and the records. I listened to all sorts of music, but my favourite was The Beatles, just like my dad, and it was my dog Bubbles who had shredded the sleeve of one of their albums.
Harriet was initially bored a record player doesnt impress anyone, even a quirky one like mine but when the music started she froze, leaned forward and listened intently, as if a march were playing. Mike grew restless and went back to the console, while the girls turned the room into a makeshift disco, twisting and jerking like theyd been shocked. Harriet, however, stayed perched on the edge of her bed, unmoving.
A few days later she came over and asked, Can I have a listen? I promise Ill be careful!
Its my dads, I blurted. He wont let anyone borrow them. But you can come over to my place whenever you like.
It feels a bit awkward, Harriet said, blushing.
Its more awkward to wear trousers on your head and sleep on a shelf while the blanket keeps falling off, I mocked, imitating my father. Everything else is fine, so dont think twice just come.
Thats how our friendship began, first bound by a shared love of that legendary band, then simply by being together without any hidden agendas.
My son, are you really interested in that girl? Mum wondered one evening. She barely speaks, just nods at everything you say. I know men like that, but its too much. What could you have in common? Shes practically destitute. Your proper upbringing should have started at the academy, not this comprehensive!
Mum, I dont want to go to the other side of town, I whined. Im fine here; the teachers are good, and my tutor said my pronunciation and vocabulary are excellent not every school offers that.
Mum had mentioned the academy before, but I wasnt keen to transfer, not just because of Harriet, but because I genuinely liked my school.
Let the girls spin their heads, Dad said, its a youthful thing.
Im not spinning anyones head! I snapped, feeling my ears flush red, which only made me angrier.
The argument bought me almost a year of freedom; Mum rolled her eyes whenever I brought Harriet home, but she stopped bringing up the academy. In Year9, Mum knocked on my door while I was studying Harriets figure, and everything changed.
At first I thought it was a fluke when Harriet ran home and Mum said nothing. That night Dad was quiet too. Three days later he announced, Pack your bags, were moving to London.
London? I asked, baffled.
Im expanding, opening a restaurant there. Youll need to finish school in London the competitions fierce. Ive already arranged the academy and found tutors.
Im not going, I replied.
So where will you be?
There was nowhere else to go. Harriet, when she heard, started crying. I promised to finish my studies and fetch her, to take her with me. She sighed, sounding older than her years, and said, Youll never come back
On my way out I gave her the very record whose sleeve shed redrawn the one wed shared our first kiss over.
It was clear the whole London plan came from Mum. I was furious at her, and at Dad too. When a classmate later went off to study in Paris, he told Dad, I want to go to Paris too. Mum wept, pleading that he shouldnt be alone over there. I remembered my older brother, whod been born with a faulty heart and died a year later, and how Mum had struggled to have another child. I understood her fear of losing me, though I felt a bitter sort of satisfaction.
London suited me. I toured every landmark linked to my idols, started smoking, changed my haircut, and dated a new girl each week, trying to forget Harriet. Each new fling bored me quickly.
When I eventually returned to England and helped Dad with his restaurants, Id already had two somewhat lasting relationships: one with a Greek girl who clung to me like a leech, and another with a classmate called Jane, a pale British lass with fluffy blond hair.
Mum, as soon as I was back, began matching me with potential brides. I moved into the flat Dad had given me for my twentieth birthday and stopped visiting home. Mum called, I didnt answer. Dad urged me to be gentler, and I retorted, She wanted me to be successful? I am. I wont marry her, let her carve that in stone.
When Mike texted me, I didnt recognise his profile picture at first, but once we figured out who each other were, I was pleased. I even accepted an invitation to the school reunion, even though I wasnt actually a teacher.
She looked at me with a smile, not a hint of anger, unlike the rest of us.
Hello, I forced out. You havent changed at all.
It was true Harriet was still the skinny, pale girl with blueveined wrists, only now her hair was longer.
From that moment I stopped noticing anyone else. We talked and talked. Harriet was indeed married now, but divorced, with a tenyearold son named Jack, who bore my name. Hearing my own name made me blush, but I couldnt deny the pleasant flutter it gave me.
Come with me, I blurted, knowing how foolish it sounded. Take your son and lets go to London; everythings better there.
Youre still a dreamer, she said sadly.
Does that mean no?
Harriet said nothing and headed home. I didnt stop her; I had no words to persuade her to stay.
Then Ill go with you, Clara I mean Harriet laughed. Which hotel are you staying at?
The Central, of course.
Let me see you off, she said playfully.
I didnt even ask. I called a cab and we left.
When the doorbell rang, I assumed it was housekeeping, surprised it was so late. Maybe theyre lost, I thought.
On the threshold stood Harriet, same dress, hair in a bun, nostrils flaring with anger.
And wheres she?
Who?
Clara! First she took my husband, now shes after you?
I laughed. Theres no Clara here. Want to check?
I stepped back; Harriet entered the room, looked around, calmed a bit, and sat on a chair.
Yulka called me, said you both left together.
I drove her to a taxi like a proper gentleman, thats all.
And you didnt even kiss?
I threw up my hands, joking, Im innocent!
Whats that? Shes got plumped lips and?
I didnt come here for that, I said.
So why are you here? To see me after fifteen years, remembering a promise?
You were waiting, werent you?
It hurts! You forgot me the next day!
Well, I barely remembered you either.
So I should go then?
Go. But maybe first we listen to the record?
The record?
Yes, I brought the player.
Harriet squinted, smiled slyly and asked, So youve forgotten me, but youve hauled a record here?
Exactly.
She grabbed the bag shed left at the door, pulled something out and handed it to me.
It was the very record whose cover shed redrawn, the one Id given her when we said goodbye.
You forgot me the next day, yet you kept this record all these years? I teased.
She shrugged. I unfolded the record, ran my fingers over it pristine, not a scratch. I set it on the turntable and pressed play. The room filled with music.
Without a word, we moved closer: I slipped my hands around her waist, she placed hers on my shoulders. We swayed slowly, as if at a prom that never happened. A blush rose on Harriets cheeks, my heart hammered like after a sprint. Time seemed to stop; it no longer mattered why Id broken my promise or why shed said she wouldnt go with me. All You Need Is Love crackled from the speaker, and we both knew it was true.
