Love without borders
Ian? Teresa Whitaker stared at her neighbour, eyebrows arched. Youre at home? I thought you were in London. Laura said you wouldnt be back for two weeks.
Ive caught a cold, Ian Carter muttered, shutting the door and turning toward her.
Something serious? she asked, voice soft.
No, nothing! he snapped, cheeks flushing. I coughed a couple of times and they turned it into a scandal! Go away, youll infect the child! they shouted. So I came back. Laura had to foot the bill herself. She left that night.
How long will you keep living like this? Teresa asked, a hint of sarcasm in her tone. Arent you tired?
What do you mean? Ian frowned. He never liked anyone probing about his family, but now the dam broke.
Its the rota system!
Come now, Teresa, Ian grimaced, what does a rota have to do with it? Were not commuting to a job. For us its a a great pleasure.
Pleasure? Teresa retorted, eyes narrowing. Lately you both act as if youre sunk in water! Cheer up! Stop making a fool of yourselves. No one will ever appreciate you anyway!
***
Lucy Carter, Ian and Lauras daughter, had spent nearly a year after university hunting for a job in her field. Every offer seemed wrong: too far, too little pay, or just unappealing. Her parents soothed her, insisting shed eventually find the right fit. But the dream job remained just that a dream.
At last Lucy decided to move to London. A former classmate, Emma, had just secured a position there and invited Lucy to go together, saying the city felt less frightening with a partner. Her parents frowned. You can settle here at home, they argued. Just wait.
Lucy had never lived on her own and could barely picture what it meant. Renting a flat sounded expensive, a heavy burden for anyone. Who will carry that weight, and for how long? they wondered.
No matter how much Ian and Laura pleaded, Lucy promised to call daily and visit oftenoften, then boarded a train to London.
She found a decent job quickly. The university dormitory where the firm placed interns became her home, a surprise she hadnt imagined.
At first Lucy returned frequently, missing home. Over time the visits thinned, and their communication dwindled to occasional phone calls.
She fell in love.
Her romance with Londoner Kyle blossomed fast, and soon they talked about marriage. Ian and Laura floated on cloud nine when Lucy whispered, in secret, that she was expecting.
***
After the wedding the newlyweds rented a flat. Kyle refused to live with his parents, who, though hurt, said, If you want independence, have it. Just dont expect our help.
Kyle smiled.
I dont need it!
Why? Lucy chided gently when they were alone. Those are your parents. Anything could happen.
Dont fear anything, Kyle embraced her. Everything will be fine.
And indeed, everything ran smoothly. They earned well, Lucys pregnancy progressed nicely, and she went on maternity leave, giving birth to a plump, healthy baby girl named Mabel.
Grandparents gushed over the infant, and the retired London couple visited weekly. Lucys own parents dropped by when they could: her father, a foreman, was a year from retirement; her mother, still in her late fifties, helped where she could.
All was well until Kyle lost his job. Not exactly lost he quit, convinced a better offer was waiting. It didnt. At the last minute the vacancy went to someone else.
The disappointment shattered him. He retreated, turned to drink, became irritable, perpetually dissatisfied, and eventually sank into a deep depression that required a hospital stay.
Lucy was torn between husband and child. Kyle sometimes demanded more attention than the twoyearold Mabel.
And then there was the motherinlaw.
She constantly accused Lucy of neglecting her son, even though she lived on his neck.
Which neck? Lucy asked, bewildered. Im on maternity leave.
Stop sitting at home! The child is two! Go work! Or are you planning to live off us forever?
Lucy wondered whether her motherinlaw truly believed this or was just pretending. Kyle had been unemployed for six months; they lived on maternity benefits and the modest savings theyd set aside for a house, supplemented by a single salary from Lucys parents. Yet she chided Lucy over a slice of bread.
The sting was sharp, but Lucy endured. She finally confided in her own parents.
Ian and Laura listened and suggested finding a nursery, just in case.
First, it will take time, Laura said knowingly.
And if your motherinlaw raises this issue, she wont back down, Ian added.
But Mabel is still tiny! Lucy sobbed. Which nursery?
We sent you to a crèche when you were a year and a half old, Laura smiled. Look at you now!
Mum! tears welled in Lucys eyes. So it couldnt have been done then? And now it can? Why should I hurt my child because of a foolish grandmother?
Look, dear, Ian interjected, well help however we can.
Laura shrugged, thinking, What can we really do? Theyre about 450 miles away!
***
The if anything moment arrived faster than expected. A place opened in a nursery almost immediately. Lucy told her boss shed return to work in a month. At the same moment, Kyle found a new job. All that remained was to acclimate Mabel to the nursery.
The staff asked Lucy to bring Mabel for one hour the first day, then two, then until noon. It sounded simple, but reality proved otherwise.
The moment Mabel saw the nursery building, she let out a piercing screamnot a whimper, a fullblown wail. She screamed for an entire week. She quieted only briefly in the changing room, but as soon as she sensed her mother leaving, the cries resumed.
Kyle tried taking her, the same result. Their parents tried, coaxing, promising treats, nothing helped. Leaving her alone for a few minutes didnt soothe her; she seemed to know they were nearby, listening.
Finally the caregivers, exhausted, said, Dont worry, this happens. Bring her back in a few months; shell settle.
Easy for you to say, in a few months, Lucy protested as they walked home. What about my job? Ive already asked for it!
I dont know, Kyle replied, but tormenting a child isnt right.
Your parents are retired! Lucy thought, an idea forming. They live not far; let them take Mabel to the nursery for a while.
Ill talk to them, Kyle said thoughtfully, though Im not sure theyll agree.
Youll have to persuade them, Lucy urged.
The grandparents reminded Kyle that he should solve his own problems, yet they would do anything for their beloved granddaughter.
Soon the grandparents alternated taking Mabel to the nursery. Miraculously, she walked in calmly, waved goodbye with a tiny hand, and never cried again.
The day the nursery started putting children down for naps, Mabel stubbornly refused to go to bed. The staff called the grandmother; she flew in, or the grandfather followed, and a quick routine was established. Mabel attended the nursery only until noon.
Eventually the arrangement grew burdensome for Kyles parents. Citing health issueshigh blood pressure for the grandmother, a sore back for the grandfatherthey complained they could no longer look after Mabel.
I need an eye on the child, and Im over 70! the grandmother protested. And your father his back! she added, You know how Kyle suffers.
I know, Kyle muttered, but what now? Youve trained her to leave at twelve, and were at work.
Instead of thanking us, you blame us! the motherinlaw shrieked. Look how they repaid us after we spent months with the child!
It wasnt a year, just a few months, Lucy corrected. It was your idea to send Mabel to nursery.
So were to blame too?! the motherinlaw snapped, dragging her husband to the hallway.
What now? Kyle asked as the door shut behind his parents.
I dont know, Lucy shrugged, maybe Ill quit my job.
Thats not a solution.
Then what do you suggest?
Take Mabel to the nursery and leave her till evening.
And the next morning? Youll haul her yourself? I wont be part of that!
But all children go to nursery without trouble!
Our child isnt all! Lucy cried.
At that moment her mother called.
Ill be there tomorrow! Laura promised, on holiday, heading straight to them. We have about a month to spare, then well see.
Lucy clapped her hands like a child.
Mums coming tomorrow! she announced to Kyle. Were saved.
Brilliant! Kyle laughed. Time to get to know the motherinlaw better. Hope well get along.
Of course we will, Lucy replied, smiling. My mothers a worldclass problem solver.
Laura truly solved everything. She and her husband would take turns coming to look after Mabel, since the inlaws couldnt.
Dont be upset, dear, Laura coaxed, eyeing her soninlaw, Age brings its limits. We had strength once, now its gone.
Im not upset, Lucy deflected, but how will you manage the trips with work?
Ill shift my hours, and Dad will retire in two weeks. Everything will be fine. By the time he arrives, Mabel will be a big girl, four years old, ready for nursery on her own.
So they decided. In the morning Laura took Mabel to the nursery; the child settled, and after twelve oclock Laura received a call that she needed to pick her up.
Now, almost a year later, Ian and Laura drift between London and their countryside home, swapping every two weeks. Occasionally Ian stays longerhes retired, a free spirit, driving Mabel to nursery, picking her up at noon, watching until the parents return from work. Each evening he wanders the streets of London, not because he loves the city, but because he cant stand watching the younger generation scramble to build their lives.
They never tidy, never cook, they order takeaway. I cant fathom it, Ian mutters to Laura during their brief nightly reunions. Mabel watches grotesque cartoons, then throws tantrums. Talking to them is futile. They think their opinions are gospel. How do you endure it?
Its easier for me, Laura sighs, I keep busy: laundry, cleaning, cooking. What else can we do? The youth today are a different breed. I feel sorry for Mabel I cant imagine her without us.
When will she start school?
I dont know, Laura sighed.
Teresa Whitaker, the neighbour, had heard Lauras complaints, hoping for some understanding. But Teresa, a former teacher, was unimpressed.
Laura, youre letting a threeyearold manipulate you, and you follow her lead? What does she wont sleep at nursery even mean? Leave her in the morning, shell cry for a day, then two, and then shell realise its pointless and settle!
I cant do that, Laura protested, I feel sorry for her.
Sorry? You created the problem Your inlaws should have fixed it, not you. What will you do when she goes to school? Sit at her desk? I wont approve your methods. Think before its too late.
Now Teresa decided to voice her grievance to Ian.
Ian Carter, are you going to restore order in your family?
Order? Ian echoed.
Yes. Your granddaughter twists adults as she pleases, your daughter uses her parents without shame, your soninlaw dumped his responsibilities on you, and you, in your old age, shuttle 450 miles every two weeks, while you just watch.
Now youve been evicted because I dared to cough. Who evicted me? My own daughter?
Your daughterinlaw, Ian answered automatically.
They respect you, of course But have you become the unreliable grandparents, dear neighbours? Perhaps its time to return responsibility to those who gladly handed it over. Why are you silent, Ian? Nothing to say?
Im silent because I dont see why you care. Did I ask for your advice? I dont recall that.
Teresa fell silent, and Ian, taking a breath, added calmly,
You see, we love our daughter and granddaughter. Our love knows no borders. We help as long as we can.
Ian smiled, descending the staircase slowly. Teresa stood still, her urge to argue fading.
Why did I cling to him? she thought, People want to ruin the child and poison their own lives. Whats it to me?
Is she right?
