Victoria was washing up in the kitchen when John walked in. Hed just turned off the light before entering.
Its still light enough outside. No need to waste electricity, he grumbled.
I wanted to start a wash, said Victoria, quietly.
Put it on at night, John replied flatly. When its cheaper. And dont turn the tap on so strong, you use too much water, Victoria. Far too much. Its wasteful. Dont you realise youre pouring our money down the drain like that?
John turned down the tap. Victoria glanced at her husband with deep sadness, turned off the water completely, dried her hands, and sat at the table.
John, do you ever look at yourself from the side? she asked.
All I do every day is look at myself from the side, John snapped back with irritation.
And what do you see? asked Victoria.
As a person? John clarified.
As a husband and a father.
Husband as husbands go, said John. Father the same. Just normal. Not better or worse than anyone else. Whats your point?
Do you really think all husbands and fathers are like you? Victoria pressed.
What are you trying to start, Victoria? Do you want an argument? retorted John.
Victoria knew there was no turning back. This talk needed to be finishedto make him finally see what a torment living with him had become.
Do you know, John, why youve not left me all these years? she asked.
And why should I leave you? John replied, forcing a twisted smile.
Well, at the very least because you dont love me, Victoria answered. You dont love our children, either.
John opened his mouth to protest, but Victoria didnt let him.
And dont bother denying it. Not a soul do you truly love. And theres no point arguingwed only be wasting time. What I want to talk about is why you still havent left us.
So, why? John asked.
Because youre tight-fisted, Victoria said quietly. Youre so stingy that the thought of splitting up is for you nothing but a huge financial hit. How longs it been? Fifteen years? What have we achieved in all that time? Aside from becoming husband and wife, and having childrenwhat else?
Weve got our whole lives ahead of us, John muttered.
Not our whole lives, John, replied Victoria. Thats the point. Just the rest. In all these years, not once have we taken a holiday by the sea. Not even for a weekend, not even here in England, let alone abroad. Every year we spend our holidays stuck here in London. We never even go to the countryside to pick blackberries. And why? Too expensive.
Because were saving, said John. For our future.
We? Victoria said, eyebrows raised. Or just you?
I do it for you, for the kids, John insisted.
For us? Really, John? You take your wages, my wages, tuck them away each month for us, for me and the kids?
For whom else? John said. Because of me, weve saved up a tidy sumyou know that, dont you?
We? repeated Victoria. Perhaps youve got something socked away, but I certainly havent. Still, maybe Im missing something. So lets see. Give me some money, will you? I want to buy some new clothes for myself and the children. Fifteen years Ive been patching up the dress I wore on our wedding day and wearing Sarahs hand-me-downs from your brothers wife. The kids, too, all dressed in their cousins cast-offs. And most of all, I want to rent us a place of our own, because I cant bear living in your mothers flat any longer.
Mum gave us two rooms, John said stiffly. No need to complain about her. And as for the childrens clothes, whats the point of spending money on that? When my brothers boys have outgrown perfectly good things.
And what about me? Who do I get my clothes from? Your brothers wife?
Who are you trying to impress? Its pointless. Youre a mother of two, Victoria. Youre thirty-five! You shouldnt be fussing about shopping.
So what should I fuss about? Victoria asked.
The meaning of life, John declared. Dont you understand there are more important things than clothes and knick-knacks? Nobler things. Things of real value.
And what exactly do you mean? Victoria frowned.
I mean spiritual growth, John said. Rising above all this petty fussing about jumpers, flats, and suchlike.
I see, Victoria said. Thats why you keep all the money in your own bank account and give us nothingfor our happiness. So we can grow as people. Is that right?
Because you cant be trusted! John shouted. Youd just blow the lot. And then what would we live on if something were to happen? Have you thought of that?
What would we live on, if something happened? Victoria repeated quietly. Thats rich, John! Tell me, when are we actually going to you know live? Cant you see were already living as if your precious something happens has already happened?
John glared at his wife, silent.
You scrimp on even soap, on toilet roll, and napkins too, Victoria pressed on. You bring home soap and hand cream from the factory, the free stuff they dole out.
Take care of the pennies, the pounds take care of themselves, John muttered dryly. It all starts with small things. Wasting money on fancy soap and tissues is frankly laughable.
At least give me an idea of how long were to endure this, Victoria said. Ten years? Fifteen? Twenty? How long before we get to live like ordinary peoplewith decent loo roll? Im thirty-five, and it seems that moment still hasnt come?
John held his tongue.
Let me guess, forty? Is that when? When Im forty, are we allowed to live?
Still silence.
Too soon, of course. Youre rightwho starts to live at forty? Far too young. Silly me. Fifty, then? Can we begin at fifty, John?
More silence.
Too soon as well? Quite. Imagine if we splurged on quilted toilet paper and ended up in the workhouse! Victoria intoned. Youre right. Not at fifty. What about sixty? Maybe then our nest egg will be big enough and well finally live a little. Maybe then I can buy new clothes for the kids and myself?
John said nothing.
You know, John, Victorias voice was anxious now, what if we dont even make it to sixty? It could well happen, couldnt it? What with your obsessive penny-pinching, were eating a dreadful dietjust the cheapest rubbish, and loads of it. Ever wondered why we binge? Its because it takes heaps of that cheap stuff to fill you up. Doesnt help our moods, eitheryou never noticed were always sour? And unhappy people dont last long.
If we move out from Mums and eat well, we wont be able to save, John pointed out.
No, we wouldnt, Victoria agreed. Which is precisely why Im leaving you. I am done with saving. I dont want to save anymore. You enjoy hoarding, JohnI dont.
How will you manage? John gasped.
Ill manage just fine, Victoria answered. Ill rent a flat for myself and the kids. My salary is as good as yours, John. Therell be enough for rent, clothes, and food, too. But best of all, I wont have to sit through your lectures anymore about electricity, gas, and water. Ill use the washing machine during the day, not just at night. I wont panic if I leave a light on. And Ill buy softest loo roll, always have napkins on the table, and Ill shop for what I like, not just whats discounted.
You wont be able to save a thing! John stammered.
Why not? Victoria replied. Ill manage perfectly well. Ill save up your child support. Actually youre rightI wont save. But not because I cant, but because I wont. Ill spend every penny. Ill live from payday to payday. On weekends, Ill bring the children to you and your mother. Imagine how much Ill save! While theyre with you, Ill go to the theatre, to restaurants, to galleries. And come summer, Ill finally go to the seaside. I havent yet decided where, but I will, once Im free of you.
John suddenly felt cold. Panic washed over himnot for his wife, not for his children, but for himself. He began to calculate how much hed have left after child support and weekend treats for the kids. But most of all, the thought of Victoria spending his money on holidays stung himit was, in his eyes, money down the drain.
I havent said the best part, Victoria continued. That account you keepthose savingswell split it.
How do you mean, split? asked John, stunned.
Half each, Victoria replied. And Ill spend my half, too. Fifteen years must have stacked up a fair bit. Ill spend it all. Im not saving for a better life, John. I want to live now.
Johns lips moved, but not a word came out. The shock left him speechless and powerless.
You know my real dream, John? Victoria said softly. When my time comes to go for good, I want there to be not a single penny left in my name. Then Ill know for certain I truly spent it all on living.
Two months later, John and Victoria divorced.
Sometimes, life teaches us that hoarding away for a rainy day can mean we forget to enjoy the sunshine while its here. Its important to plan for the future, but even more important not to forget to live in the present.
