My ex-wife…
It happened two years ago, though in the strange world of dreams it could have been a hundred. My time on assignment was drawing to an end, and I was preparing to return to my home in Sheffield. Having bought my train ticket, I decided to wander the winding streets a bit, as I still had three hours to kill.
A woman approached me on the pavement. At once, I recognised her as my first wife, Emily, from whom Id separated twelve years ago. She hadnt changed much, though her face was now oddly pale, as if dusted with flour. I think our unexpected meeting startled her as much as it did me.
My feelings for her had always run deeppainfully sowhich, in the end, was why we split. I was so jealous my nerves frayed; I doubted everyone around her, even her mother. If Emily was home a few minutes late, my heart would hammer and Id feel as though I might faint.
Eventually, she couldnt take my daily inquisitionsendless questions of where shed been, with whom, and whyand left. Once, Id come home from work with a tiny puppy tucked beneath my coat, hoping it would cheer her, only to find the house empty and a note on the kitchen table. In the letter, she said she was leaving, though she still loved me; that my suspicions had worn her thin, and shed decided to go. She begged forgiveness and pleaded that I not try to find her.
And so, after twelve years apart, I chanced upon her in this odd city on business. We spoke at length, losing all sense of why the streets seemed to warp and shift around us, until I remembered I might miss my train to Sheffield. At last, I said,
Im so sorry, Emily, but I must dashIm about to miss my train.
That was when Emily spoke, her voice like a memory wrapped in fog. James, could you do me a favour? I know youre in a hurry, but for the sake of the good times, dont refuse. Please, just come with me to this office. Its very important, but I cant go alone.
Naturally, I agreed, though I said, Lets make it quick! We entered a vast stone building whose corridors twisted and overlapped. We wandered from wing to wing, up staircases that curled like ribbons and down again. It felt like no more than a quarter of an hour, though in this place time was unreliable. All sorts of people passed us in the hallschildren scampered by, bent old men limped pastbut in the moment, it didnt seem strange. All my thoughts centred on Emily.
Then, suddenly, she slipped through a door and closed it behind her. She looked over her shoulder with an expression so final it chilled me, saying softly, Isnt it strange? I could be neither with you nor without you.
I found myself rooted to the spot by the door, counting heartbeats, waiting for her return. Questions crowded my mindwhat did she mean by those last words?but she didnt come back out. Time lost its grip; I snapped awake, realising abruptly that I had to get going or Id miss my train! I looked about, and only then did panic seize me.
The building was derelict, its windows empty holes staring out onto mist. No normal staircase, only precarious planks of wood, along which I gingerly picked my way down. Of course, I was far too late for my traina full hourand had to buy a new ticket with my remaining pounds.
While I was at the ticket window, the clerk told me that the train Id missed had derailed and plunged into a river. No one had survived.
A fortnight later, I found myself standing outside Emilys mothers house, the address Id tracked down through an old friend. Margaret told me that Emily had died eleven years agoa year after we parted ways. I refused to believe it, thinking perhaps that Margaret feared Id resume tormenting her daughter with obsessive questions.
But when I finally asked to see Emilys grave, to my surprise, Margaret agreed. Nearly silent, we travelled together to the cemetery. Two hours later, I stood before a weathered headstone, inscribed with the name of the woman Id loved all my lifethe one who, in some mysterious and impossible way, had saved me that day. And standing there, watching the stone smile out at the world, I couldnt quite tell if I was awake or still wandering a dream.
