Today feels like a jumble of thoughts, so I decided to write it all down, hoping to untangle my mind.
I suppose Ive always fancied myself a fairly modern woman, or at the very least, one with modern aspirations. I take care with my appearance not for vanity, but because I have a good job and my colleagues and superiors genuinely seem to appreciate my work. My world mostly revolves around my two grown sons, Edward who is thirty-eight, and the younger, Nicholas, whos thirty. Both are married, which has brought me two very different daughters-in-law.
I often reflect on how contrasting they are, and it seems only natural since my sons are so different themselves. My eldests wife, Alice, grew up in a small village. I try not to indulge in the usual beliefs about country girls versus city girls, but to be honest, Alice fits the classic stereotype quite neatly.
Of course, as a mother, I keep my distance from my sons marriage troubles. Truth be told, I dont know much about their married lives. Regarding Edward and Alice, the only substantial thing Ive learnt is that they married following an unplanned pregnancy; their eldest arrived five months after the wedding. I always get the feeling Alice views her husband as more of a household fixture than a real partner.
Alices temperament makes her difficult to approach. She only calls me when she and Edward are in the midst of some crisis, and every conversation inevitably turns into a complaint. Friendships evade Alice shes simply not easy to talk to.
Nicholass wife, Charlotte, is entirely opposite. Once they married, Charlotte and I struck up a genuine friendship, and she often enjoys stopping by for a chat. After some months, I offered her a place at my office, and she flourished. My colleagues always compliment Charlotte on her diligence and kind nature. She keeps a close-knit circle of friends she sees occasionally, but values her private time.
All of this was swirling in my mind when, one dreary grey morning, Alice showed up at my office with her sister in tow. Id long suspected things werent rosy at home lately, but as ever, I refrained from interfering in their affairs. That morning changed everything.
Alice looked at me and cried out, Mother, Ive had enough. I cant endure it any longer. Ive decided to leave your son, rent a flat in town, and let him fend for himself, the pig.
I kept my tone even: Good morning, Alice. You know as well as I do that I prefer not to intervene in your marriage. So tell me, where exactly are you planning to rent, and how will the children get to school?
Alice shot back, Ill find a place in the city centre.
I replied, And how will you manage the rent? Flats near the centre are expensive.
Thats when she let out the words Id been dreading: Thats precisely why Im here! As their grandmother, youre obliged to help. You owe it to me!
I tried to steady my voice. Alice, I just dont have that kind of money lying around. If you truly must have it, wait until this evening and Ill transfer what I can from my account, in pounds. I never expected youd need so much.
Her sister grabbed her sleeve, urging her, Lets go, Alice. Surely you know a mother always stands by her son.
As they turned to leave, I caught sight of Charlotte peeking anxiously from behind the office door. Alice scowled at her. What are you staring at? Youll see youll be treated just the same! If you ever need help, she wont do a thing for you.
Charlotte flinched, clearly uncomfortable in the face of such anger, and glanced at me, seeking reassurance. Its nothing, I said softly. If Alice insists, Ill send the money tonight. She cant take the children to live in a hostel. Theyre only pounds dont take her word for it too seriously.
As I write this, I wonder if Im doing the right thing. Sometimes it feels that money is all I have to offer, and maybe thats not nearly enough.
