Anyone with a full-time job knows the feeling when your doorbell rings on the one morning you actually get to have a lie-in.
I wasnt even properly awake yet, and for some reason, the first thing that popped into my head was a burst pipe. I dashed to check if Id flooded anyones flat downstairs. But nopebathroom and kitchen both bone dry. Not like six months ago when I actually did cause a flood in the neighbours place.
The bell just kept going, absolutely relentless. I shuffled to the door, still half in pyjamas, and when I opened it, all I could see at first were a couple of suitcases and, just beyond those, some people.
Oh, Id never have recognised you on the street! came this backhanded compliment from an older woman I sort of vaguely remembered but couldnt quite place.
So there I am, squinting, trying to work out who on earth these people are, while this cheerful guy with her sticks out his hand and beams at me. Behind them, theres another lad poking his head out, thankfully not joining in with the guessing game. But the woman pipes up, Well, dont keep us on the doorsteplet us in, wont you!
And Im thinking, hang onlet you in?
She goes, Oh, you dont remember your uncle? Well, I looked after you as a child! And this one she gestures at the younger lad, this is your cousin. Hes just moved to London for uni, hasnt got a place to stay, so we thought he could stay with you. Well sort a bed out later, dont worry. Weve brought you some presents, by the way. Didnt your dad give you a ring?
Me: Um, no, he didnt…
She waves me off, Oh well, well muddle through! Come on, cousin needs a place and you can look after him in the big city.
No, sorry, theres not really space, I try, My fiancé comes over all the time and I dont really have room for anyone else. There are loads of student halls, I went through all that myself.
All the same, thats not suitable! she sniffs.
By now, the atmospheres pretty tense. They try to wheel their suitcases through the doorway, but I stand my ground. I realise if those bags make it inside, Ill never escape them or their plans. So I ask for a few minutes, steer the relatives and the cousin round to the student accommodation where hed already been accepted.
Cue all sorts of accusationsselfish, cold, you name it. Smiles gone, and soon enough, so are the relatives (and the suitcases). I ring my parents, absolutely baffled: What was all that about?
Mum hears the whole story and has a go at me as well, saying Im just not family-minded.
